Daughter of the night
by hilja
Summary: Leah believes that love just isn't for her. Instead she plans on becoming a wandering wolf protecting innocent humans. But everyone needs somebody, even if they don't realize it themselves.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a hero. I never wanted to be the princess in an ivory tower rescued by the prince. And now that it was certain that there was never going to be a prince for me, I could move on and concentrate on things that could make me – well not happy – but at least make me feel alright. I wasn't miserable any longer. I won't lie and say that I was happy, but I was...content.

I didn't expect for any miracles to happen in my life, not any longer. I just wasn't supposed to have love, that was clear to me now, and I had stopped yearning it. There wouldn't be a husband or even a boyfriend, no kids, no career, no normal life. But that didn't mean there wouldn't be anything in this life for me. Sure, at one point I had dreaded that I would have _nothing_. But now I knew there was _something_ for me: I was a protector – that was the fate I now was embracing with all my heart. I would always love Seth and my mom, I would cherish my pack and the few friends I had, and I would give my heart and my life to all of those I protected. I wouldn't ever have a love that I could call my own – and I would never be anyones to love, but I would have love for people, humankind, for the environment, for _life._ I would love and protect all of these things. That would be enough for me – it had to! I would give all of myself to protecting expecting nothing in return. Sure some people would like me and maybe even love me for the things I would do. But let's face it, no-one would love me enough to live just for me. That was the plain truth. Once I had been romantic and dreamy, but that lead me nowhere - these days I was realistic and practical.

It had been a little over a year since I became a protector. For a long time I was just searing in pain, trying to push this fate away from me, hating everything about shapeshifting and what it brought along. And undoubtedly, life had been cruel to me. The wolf taking away everything from that loving carefree hopeful Leah I once was. The worst of it was taking my father away. Then it took my dreams and hopes, my trust in the world, my happiness, my femininity, my future. It took my friends, my sister-cousin and the man I thought I was going to marry. It almost took all of my heart and my soul; it changed the very essence of me.

This last month I had slowly come to terms with my life and accepted my fate, I was even starting to _kind of _enjoy it. The old Leah and her dreams were like a faded bittersweet memory to me. I never really thought of the amiable and big-hearted girl I once was, but it happened that I dreamt of her at night, and awoke with a feeling of grieving a long-lost friend. But I wasn't and never could be the same Leah I once was; I was strong and hard now – a warrior.

I had a plan that I slowly started working on. I was volunteering at a youth center for troubled teens in Port Angeles twice a week. I loved my job at the center, and I was really good at dealing with these angry and hurt kids. At the reservation I was sometimes helping in the training of the newly phased little wolves who had such a hard time adapting to this life and the burdens it entailed, I did that despite the fact that I still belonged to Jake's pack (thank god for the separate packs!). Since Sue moved in with Charlie, we even had a couple of the cubs come move in with me and Seth. I was mothering them, or at least big-sistering them. I loved them with all my heart, although to an outsider I might seem quite stern and harsh, but I know they knew that I would defend them with my life.

I also had started taking on-line classes at a community-college, and was planning to go to college full time next year. Just the state college, so that I could still live at home or near enough for me to be able to either run or drive home in less than two hours. I was planning on studying environmental studies and sociology, I wanted to do something good for the community and humanity as such.

I still ran patrol as usual, but I had started to widen my patrolling to larger areas – without the knowledge of the pack. I had learned to shield and silence my thoughts almost completely, so when I was in areas outside our territory nobody knew what I was doing. I had also started scanning the newspapers for crimes and violence, and often found myself in areas where crime-rates were high. I pretended that I would spend the weekend with some of my old friends who now lived in Seattle so the pack wouldn't get suspicious about my whereabouts. Then I would merge into the Seattle-night waiting to step-in when needed. I hadn't encountered any vampires on my lonely routes _yet _– although I sometimes found the sickening smell of them. They were just harder to track in the city, but I sure had to use my fighting skills anyways. I hadn't phased into my wolf-form in the city, but with my strength and speed I still could knock-down the creeps and low-lives of the night and rescue innocent people on the verge of falling victim to horrendous crimes. What I saw on those lonely city-nights made my heart cringe. How could all of this evil exist? Why were people trying to hurt each other like that? These nights also made me to start appreciate the Cullens, they were choosing to be good despite their vampire-nature, whereas a lot of people were choosing to be just like blood-thirsting vampires and lived with no respect for life!

On these lonely nights I had loosely started toying with the idea of traveling the world helping and protecting people who needed it - there were so many defenseless people everywhere. And what are protectors for anyways if not protecting? But for the time being I felt I still was partly needed in La Push. Although my mom had Charlie, she wasn't quite ready to let go of me completely. And I still worried about the young wolves and about Seth. Once I was certain they would be okay I would go. Nobody knew about this plan of mine, there was no need for others to find out. But sure enough, when the time came I would leaving La Push behind and become a wandering wolf. That was going to be my happy ending.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: A sidekick**

The gentle night breeze grazed my body as I stood still in the shadows listening. All my senses were focused on searching through the layers of noise, to hear beyond the buzz of cars and the music blazing from the bars and clubs nearby. And then it was there, that something I had been waiting for, without knowing what it was before I sensed it.

The first thing that hit me was the smell of it. The smell of fear, that soared through the summer-night. Then I heard the faint sound of clicking heals going faster and faster, and a heavier step behind them – also speeding up. It wasn't far away, maybe a couple of blocks. My body had already started moving, while I concentrated on hearing only these sounds, blocking all others out.

"No! Please no" a faint and terrified whimper. Then a muffled wordless cry. A body crushed against another, a body being thrown down. A man growling victoriously. I was in full sprint now, trembling violently against the urge to phase.

An eye-blink later I reached the spot: a man was tearing off the clothes of a trembling, limply laying young woman, unbuckling his own belt at the same time. I was upon him with all my rage in that instant, hurling him off of the girl. His eyes were wide with surprise as my fist hit his jaw with a loud snap, sending his head flying backwards, leaving him unconscious. I couldn't resist a hard kick to his groin, although it was unnecessary at this point. I wished he would've put up more of a fight. The adrenaline and rage was still pumping through my body and I felt the need to unleash it more on this scumbag. I wanted to hurt him.

I clenched my fists and turned to the sobbing girl who now had crawled into a fetus-position. She looked so frail. I leaned over her, searching for signs of physical injury. Bruises would form everywhere on her body, but other than that there was nothing. Luckily he hadn't had time to really hurt her.

Now I was yet again faced with a familiar dilemma, a dilemma I still hadn't found a good solution to. What was the best mode of action now? My heart told me to lift the girl up, and carry her home and leave her in the care of the ones who loved her, so she could be held, comforted and healed. But my mind told me to pick up my phone and anonymously call 911, and then wait for the police to almost arrive before taking off into the night leaving the girl and the offender in the hands of the police.

Suddenly the girl threw her arms around me, holding onto me as I was the only thing keeping her together, her only hope of survival. Her desperation made up my mind. I gently brushed her hair out of her face. "Sister" I whispered, "Where do you live? I'll take you home" Carefully I helped her up to her feet and started to lead her forward, her body leaning into mine. She seemed unable to support her own weight, so I decided it would be easier if I carried her. I lifted her into my arms, she weighed nothing. "There" she whispered pointing at one of the buildings to my right. I let her down as she fished a key from her purse with trembling fingers and pushed the door open.

Once we were in her tiny apartment she seemed lost again. "Who should I call to come over? Your mom? A friend?" I asked gently. "I...I...I don't know." she whispered. "Mum and dad live in Boston. Rob..." She seemed unsure about that name. "But we've just broke up, I can't call him... He doesn't care anymore. There isn't anybody" she sobbed hysterically now. I pulled her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair soothingly. I felt like crying myself. "I'll stay as long as you need me to." I assured her.

The girl seemed to be about my own age, and I thought that maybe in an other life, this girl could've been me. That without my wolf-genetics I might have been walking home alone at night, and getting attacked. And just like for this girl there wouldn't be a single soul to call to come and comfort me.

I stayed all night watching the girl slowly fall asleep. I convinced her to let me call her parents, who promised to take the first plane over. _Good!_ Nobody should go through something like this alone. I wanted to warn her against walking alone in the streets at night, but thought better of it. After you escaped something like this the last thing you would want to hear is a speech about how you should have been more careful. I know from first hand experience.

After the fight with the newborns I had gotten scolded not only by Sam, but by my mother, by Seth, well almost by all of the pack-members and even by Emily. And all I really had wanted, craved for, was for somebody to hold me and tell me that it was alright, that _I _was alright. I had so desperately longed for my father to be there, telling me that I still was his girl and that he would always love me no matter what. So I simply told _this_ girl that she was safe now, that I would be here until her parents came, and that none of this was her fault.

Sitting on the floor besides the sleeping girl I returned to contemplate my previous dilemma: should I focus on helping the victim or should I make sure that the offender never would commit a crime again? I couldn't do both, and I couldn't be split in two. Concentrating on the victim's needs meant that the offender would eventually be able to crawl away and could later on return to his shady actions. But on the other hand making sure that the offender got handed over to the police or scaring him senseless, would mean leaving the victim to await the help of police-officers. Would they care enough to make sure that a girl like the one I saved tonight wouldn't have to be alone after being almost raped? I wasn't sure about that. Would they care enough to call her parents and would the make sure that she felt safe again? I didn't trust that they would. How was this to be solved?

In the back of my head I had already started to form an answer. It was there buried together with my childhood fantasies about being a hero. Batman _and _Robin, Modesty Blaise _and _Willie Garvin. _A side-kick!_ That was what I needed to help me with my mission. And it wouldn't hurt with some kind of a...companion. But who? As my mind started creating vivid images of Batman and Robin in the 1950's television version, I knew I would be better off with someone like Willie Garvin. The world we lived in wasn't one where comic book-bubbles burst out stating POW, this was a world where people got hurt for real.

So who could be my Willie?

Seth was of course the person I loved the best, and trusted with all my heart, after all he was my brother, but he was out of the question. Mainly because he was my brother. My mission wasn't anything I wanted to involve him in. I wanted him to remain happy and care-free, and hoped that he would be able to have a normal life, or as normal as it could be. I wanted him to meet a nice girl, to fall in love, eventually have a family and the happily ever after that he deserved. The things I saw during my nightly missions would kill the innocence that I desperately wanted for Seth to be able to hold on to. Besides, he was too open and talkative, so this could never remain a secret if he got involved. He would tell Jake everything, and I especially didn't want my pack-leader to find out, ever! Seth could never keep anything from Jake! Unlike Sam, who I think would outright try to forbid me from doing something like this, I feared that Jake might get excited and decide to tag along, bringing all of the vampires as well and then taking over the whole show. But this was _my_ thing. It gave me purpose, and filled up a void inside of me.

So besides Seth, who could I trust?

Then it popped up in my head. Of course! Why hadn't I thought of it before?!

It was so obvious once I thought of it. _He _would be perfect.

Embry. Embry Call. He would be my Willie Garvin.

**I don't own any characters. Who owns them? Stephenie Meyer does of course.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – A sidekick and _a friend_**

I was almost feeling a little giddy driving home thinking about my genius plan of making Embry my sidekick.

He would be so perfect, it was almost too good to be true. Where I was hard and fierce, Embry was sensitive and sweet. While he tended the victims, I would handle the villains and in one way or another make sure that they never did whatever they were doing _ever_ again. We could even gradually start hunting vampires together in the city. I wasn't stupid enough to think that I could take on a leech by myself, _not anymore_. Maybe I could scare one off, but if there were two of us, we would have pretty good odds in a fight. Together with Embry I could get some well-needed practice for the future as well. I could improve my fighting skills, so that in a year or two I would be ready to leave. And Embry could continue to keep this on by himself if he wanted to, if...I mean _when..._I left.

Besides, don't sidekicks usually get their own show after a couple of years?

I truly believed that this would turn out to be a really good thing for him too. It might give him purpose as well, at least until he found an imprint. As for now he seemed lonely, very lonely in fact. Why else would he seek out my company ever so often, hanging out at my house, hovering around in the same room I was in, following me around, claiming that he _wanted_ to help me with the cubs or with chores around the house? It must really suck that his friends always were busy with their imprints.

Embry had so many good qualities, funny I never really thought about them before. He was quiet, loyal and he would follow _my_ lead. He was calm, yet determined and brave when he needed to be. More importantly I knew he could keep his thoughts to himself. Hell, he was the best of all of the pack-members in hiding his thoughts. It was as his mind was a complete blank when I was on patrol with him. Jake would never know what we were up to!

And with his past I know he would feel as strongly as I about our mission of defending the defenseless. This would be something he wanted to do!

_**Flashback...**_

_The new boy looks worried, really worried, as I see Paul, Tom and Josh – the school bullies – approach him. I clench my fists and wait, hidden by the trees._

_My dad has told me that I have to be smart about these things and think and plan before I act. He told me this after the last time I got sent to the principals office for hitting one of the boys in the stupid little gang. I had heard the rumors about how they got the weaker or younger kids to give them money. I was going to outsmart them this time. Last time I was the one given detention for starting a fight. I had seen them towering over Sarah, one of the third-graders. When I grabbed Paul by his collar and ripped his shirt, stupid Ms. Johnson had to walk by. And of course all the boys lied, and poor Sarah was too scared to tell the truth, agreeing with the boys story about me attacking poor innocent Paul out of the blue. So now I was going to approach this differently._

"_What's your name?" I hear Paul asking, and see him throwing his arm around the boys shoulder all-friendly like. Yeah right; Paul's never friendly. _

"_Embry" the boy answers shyly. _

"_Whaaaaat?! What kind of fucked up name is that?" the three boys roar with laughter. _

_I grit my teeth. The kid – Embry – looks down on his feet, pressing his lips tightly together. _

"_You know, you're new and all, so you probably don't know the rules. But to be able to walk on this road you have to pay a fee." Paul says with a honey-sweet voice. " Actually", he continues smirking to his friends "for having a stupid name like that you'll have to pay a double fee." _

_The new boy just stands there staring at his feet. Paul, Tom and Josh snicker and then Paul says: "Tomorrow you'll bring us the money. Today you'll get a free pass, 'cause were such friendly guys. We'll wait for you tomorrow. Same time, same place! And don't even think about not coming, or telling any one or..." he adds sliding his hand over his throat in a threatening gesture._

"_Don't forget the money" one last glance from Paul before they leave this Embry-kid standing on the dirt road. _

_I wait until they vanish out of sight, before I approach the boy. He just stands there not moving, staring at his feet. _

"_Hey" I say. "I'll walk you home" _

_He doesn't even lift his head. He just keeps on staring at his feet, his jaw and fists tightly clenched. I touch his hand lightly, he flinches and turns away from me. _

"_I'll walk you home and then we tell your parents. I'll tell them. Then they'll call school and those idiots will get what they deserve never bothering **anybody** again." I state firmly. I'm proud of myself having thought of this smart and grown-up plan of action. I'm sure my parents will be really proud of me. Instead of getting into yet another fight with the morons, I use reason and words. _

_But to my surprise the boy shakes his head in a silent no. I don't get this at all. This is not how I've planned this. _

"_Look...Embry, right? Don't be scared, your parents will help you, and everything will be alright" I try to smile reassuringly. _

"_No" he quietly whispers. _

_I stare at him dumbfounded. "Why not?" I demand._

"_Mommy...she will.... Mom will get sad and maybe cry if I tell her. She wants me to get friends, we moved here so I could get friends..." he mumbles._

"_But then we can tell your dad instead." I try, thinking of what my dad would do if he ever found out that someone tried to press me for money. "I'm sure your dad will make sure they **never **pick on you again!" I state forcefully._

_But instead of seeing the relief I expect, I'm met with the saddest eyes I've ever seen in my life. The kid looks on the verge of tears. What's the matter with him? My heart starts aching, which is a completely new feeling for me. My heart has never ached before. _

"_I don't have a dad", I can barely make out his words._

"_Oh... Eh...Okay...." Well there goes my great plan. I should have just punched Paul and the two other idiots when I had the chance. "We'll figure something out then." I say as I pull Embry by the hand and start leading him home._

_Walking Embry home I come up with a new plan. Paul, Josh and Tom – there are three of them. I can't take all three by myself. And knowing them, they'll probably go after this soft-eyed Embry-kid again when I'm not around. Luckily I think fast on my feet, and come up with yet another great plan. _

_Once we reach Embry's house I march straight into the kitchen and call the two people I will need in order for this to work. Then I start working on Embry._

"_Embry. I'm gonna teach you how to fight, and then tomorrow you're gonna punch Paul in the face, and you're gonna make some new friends. They're gonna help you." I declare. "Actually you're gonna meet these new friends kind of right now" I say as I hear two familiar voices approach outside._

_Embry just looks at me wide-eyed but nods his head. **Good!**_

_The next day I'm hiding behind the same trees together with Jake and Quil. Embry stands on the gravel road waiting. I feel excited. **This is going to be really good! **_

_I'm kind of impressed at how fast Embry learned some good fighting-moves. He's a natural, although I felt him holding back when I told him to try to wrestle me down and punch me, but Jake got him to use his full strength on him. Jake is really good at getting people all riled up, I'll give him that. _

_I'm feeling really happy with my plan and with myself. Nobody will come and interfere out here in the woods and if all goes according to plan nobody will bother Embry anymore and he will have friends. Jake really loves to get a reason to fight with Paul. The fact alone that Paul is after this Embry-kid makes Jake wanna be his friend. That's really good, since that will mean that Embry doesn't have to worry about his mom being sad about him not having friends. I shiver at the thought of not having any friends. It's a concept I don't grasp at all. I have plenty of friends. How can somebody not have any friends at all? I also think of Embry's misty eyes and sad voice when he told me he had no father. That makes me wanna get Paul and his stupid friends even more. _

"_No..." Embry's voice is so quiet I almost don't hear it. _

"_What was that?" Paul asks with a look filled with menace. _

"_No" Embry says a little louder and firmer this time._

"_Really now?" Paul's voice is ice-cold as he looks at his friends, a mean smile forming on his ugly face. If I didn't know him to be just another stupid idiot, he might actually scare me. But I'm Leah Clearwater and I'm not scared of anyone! _

_The same second Paul grabs a choke-hold of Embry, Embry manages to do the kick I showed him, hitting the back of Paul's knee. Paul's shocked look is priceless as both he and Embry tumble down onto the dirt. At the same time Jake and Quil fly out of the woods lunging straight at Paul's stupid goons. I stand aside and just watch, feeling worried about Embry, ready to assist him if he needs me to. I know Jake and Quil will be just fine, but I'm surprised and relieved to see the determination and calm Embry seem to possess in his fighting. His punches seem very strategic, and he manages to hit all the right places. It's only a matter of seconds before Paul starts to crawl away, yelling: "Fuck these idiots!" as his stupid friend follow his lead._

"_Wow! That was fun! Embry you were sort of awesome." Jake exclaims "You're almost as good as I am." he continues sounding smug and all pleased with himself, giving Embry a high-five. _

_I smile so wide it feels like my face is gonna burst, because now I know that Embry will be alright, and even though Quil and Jake are annoying – especially Jake! - I know they are gonna be just the kind of friends Embry needs._

_**End of flashback**_

Oh, Embry sure will want come to the aid of helpless victims, since he's been one himself.

As I pull up to my house I think of how I will approach Embry. Should I just ask him straight out or should I wrap it up in some sort of a speech? Maybe I should do something nice for him, like cook a really big meal, and then ask? Reminiscing about how I solved Embry's problem back when we were kids makes me feel positive that I don't even have to butter him up in order to get him to be my sidekick. But then again I still feel really ashamed about some of the things I said to him while we were in Sam's pack, although Embry doesn't seem to hold any grudges at all _towards anybody_. _Not even me!_

When he joined Jakes pack I apologized to him, fearing he wouldn't want to forgive me, but he just smiled that sweet smile of his and said that he knew I didn't mean any of the things I had said, that it wasn't that bad anyways and that he'd always known that I didn't want to hurt him, and then he hugged me. Just like that. The way Embry handled it made me have to hide in the bathroom so nobody would see how his forgiveness made hot tears prickle my eyes.

The boy is just too nice, I swear, but that is also the reason to why he would be so great as a sidekick. He would _never_ judge me or my actions. And he would be really good in handling the victims we would be saving.

Thinking about Embry, I remember that he was the only one who didn't say anything condescending to me after the fight with the newborns. He came over afterwards and asked me how _I_ was holding up, looking all concerned. Of course I got all mad at him at the time and lashed out on him. _Stupid me. _But he just shrugged it off and didn't say a word about what a bitch I was.

I'm really thankful for that. He truly is a really good friendI surprise myself with thinking. Embry –_ a friend_. I smile as I get out of the car and head towards my house. I think I will cook him that meal after all, just as long as he doesn't think he can get used to it.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Where have you been?!" Seth's frantic as I step through the front door. So not what I want to meet right now. I was planning on food, couple hours of sleep and then meeting Embry.

"Where have you been?! You didn't answer your phone!" Seth is sounding hysterical.

I don't even get a chance to open my mouth before he continues.

"I called Melissa, she said you weren't there. That you haven't been visiting her in a REALLY LONG time!"

Who's Melissa? I think a little confused, before I remember that she's the girl I've been using as an excuse for my Seattle-trips. How did Seth get her number?

Worry starts forming in the pit of my stomach. What if they find out?

And then I notice Jake in the middle of the living-room. His eyes seem pitch-black, staring at me, not even blinking. He looks...almost...wild.

"I've been calling you Leah. Why didn't you answer?" Seth practically whimpers.

That's when I remember that I had turned the phone off while I tended the girl, and then forgotten to turn it on. I start to feel panic building up somewhere deep inside. The atmosphere in the room feels strange. Something must be wrong, very wrong. Has something happened to mom? The pack? The cubs? My mind is rambling.

I sigh with relief when I see both of the cubs smiling anxiously at me from the kitchen, alongside Quil who's sitting on the kitchen counter. Embry's standing right next to them looking tense, staring at his feet.

"What's wrong?" I whisper. "Is mom..." I don't get to finish my sentence.

"LEAH! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Jake booms, his piercing eyes never leaving mine, towering all Alpha-ish, demanding an answer.

"At...at....Amy's" I stutter. Thats not even a lie. The girl's name was Amy.

"Amy? I've never heard of her before." Jacob nearly growls.

"Why would you know all of my friends? Why would you know _any _of them?" I'm shouting now, my worry turning to anger.

Jake narrows his eyes and frowns deeply, looking at me like I'm hiding something, searching for it in my eyes. Abruptly he crosses the floor in three long strides, grabs hold of my arms in a steady fiery grip and bends in over my neck. What the hell is he up to?

Is he sniffing me? What the fuck? He is sniffing me! The boy can't be serious! What's his problem?

"What the fuck do you think you're are you doing Jacob?" I push him off me and start heading towards my room blazing with fury.

When I was 15 my mom had been to some PTA-meeting about teenagers doing drugs and drinking. Whenever I returned after a sleep-over my mom used to rush over an smell my clothes and my breath and then stare me into the eyes to see if they were red. Like I would have been doing drugs or even been drinking at sleep-overs with Rachel and Rebecca. But yes, that's my mom for you.

And now Jacob is doing the same thing, at least I think that is what he is doing. It's ridiculous, he definitely is taking his pack-duties a little too far this time.

Sure enough, I'm not 21 yet, but when the did he start to care about me drinking? And drugs, he should know I never touch any drugs!

Me not smelling alcohol or weed or whatever he was expecting has Jacob relaxed and that annoying smirk of his once again appears on his face. He lazily flings himself onto the sofa. I hope he' not thinking about spending his Sunday here. Shouldn't he be with his precious imprint? God, he is infuriating. Does he think he is my mother, or worse, the chief of police?

Wait! Has my mother put him up to this? That's probably it! Maybe her dating Charlie, the police chief, means that she has started to worry about drug abuse or something again, and convinced Jacob of the need to check on me? That could so be the answer to why they all were here acting insane_._

Out of the corner of my eye I see Quil curiously looking at Jake as in an unspoken question, to which Jake shakes his head a silent but clearly satisfied "no". Embry too seems to relax from this answer.

Did they all really think I've got into some kind of a drug-addiction? What do they think of me?! I get that maybe Seth might be thinking moronic things like that, he is always worrying about me doing something crazy. But Jake? And Embry? Isn't he supposed to be sane? That's the whole reason for choosing Embry as a side-kick. Well, I guess my mom's and Seth's paranoia combined has had them all going.

I'm starting to head off to my room, wanting to avoid these mongrels for a while, but then Embry says the magic words that will get any wolfs attention: "Lunch is ready in two minutes" so I seat myself at the kitchen table instead.

I have to give credit to Embry's mom. He knows his way around a kitchen, so when Embry is cooking I surely am going to eat despite any anger I might feel right now. Thank god for single mothers teaching their only kid how to cook and clean! From what I knew Embry did a lot of chores at home. Unlike Sam's mom who had always been at his beck and call, Embry's mom had made sure that Embry could take care of himself. I snickered a little thinking how Sam probably still would leave his laundry for his mom to do, if he hadn't Emily. Luckily I wasn't the one seeing him anymore! I'd never be his little maid.

Maybe the reason why Embry wants to help me with the cubs, is because he understands how hard it's been on his mom being a single mom and all and now he wanted to ease some of the burden of taking care of these two kids? That would be just the kind of caring and sweet thing Embry would think of doing.

I feel my earlier good mood return as I watch Embry take out the grilled salmon from the oven. It smells delicious.

"Embry, this is soooooo good. If you keep spoiling us like this I'll keep you forever, locking you up here with me, never letting you go." I smile at him as I taste the heavenly food.

At this Embry blushes and gets all shy and Embry-like, shuffling his feet, not knowing where to look. I think I even hear his heart start to flutter. It's like he's never gotten a compliment before. Maybe he hasn't? Thinking this I decide that I should say nicer things to him more often so he'll gets a little practice in not getting all awkward when someone gives him a compliment. I smile reassuringly at him when he finally dares to meet my eyes, and the happiness I detect in them makes me feel a little weird. How can it be this easy to make someone else feel so happy?

My thoughts are interrupted by the All-mighty Alpha and his total lack of table-manners. Of course that pig Jacob doesn't even bother put his food on a plate, but starts digging in strait from the form. And the pups, Jonas and Fred, follow his lead, as always. I'm so not having it! Jake is such a very, very bad-influence on the little boys.

Luckily I can order the two kids around, although there isn't much I can do about Jake. His stupid grin is only getting wider as I scold him. I swear he is eating like this on purpose just to make me angry. I'm just about to smack him in the back of his head, when Fred and Jonas get my attention. They keep elbowing each other, whispering: "You ask", "No, you ask" .

"What is it?" I sigh.

"Do you have a boyfriend in Seattle?" Fred finally gets the courage to pipe up.

I stare at him dumbfounded.

"Because that's what Quil said to Jake and then he got ang..." Fred doesn't get to finish his sentence before Embry shushes him up.

"Ha! From the smell of it, she might have a girlfriend instead!" Quil exclaims with a hopeful grin.

"Hey! That's my sister, man!" Seth interrupts.

"What?!!!"

Wait!

Wait a minute now. Is that what they were thinking?!

Was Jacob fuckin' Black sniffing me to find out if I had SEX?!!!

That so better not be it because then I'm gonna kill someone.

**Thanks for everyone who has been reviewing.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Mistrust**

I can't believe it!

Are they deranged?! Has Jacob actually lost it?

I feel a red hot shiver run down my spine.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!! WHERE YOU SNIFFIN ME OUT TO SEE IF I HAD S..."

I shake, but then my eyes land on the pups at the same time as a steady firm hand is being placed on my shoulder pressing it gently. Probably Seth's. This combination makes me calm down.

I'm not going to loose it in front of the kids. I'm supposed to be a role-model and the hand on my shoulder feels comforting and safe, enabling me to push down the tremor in me and gain control. I close my eyes trying to gather more calmness from somewhere deep inside of me.

When I trust myself to be in total control I open my eyes and shoot a death-glare at Jacob, but he doesn't seem faced off at all. In fact, he looks rather smug. This provokes me even more, but I'm decided that I'm not going to argue this issue right now. Me having or not having sex isn't a subject to be discussed in front of the kids. Not in front of _any _member of the pack. It's in fact none of their damn business! Why do they think it is?

And such a stupid way to go about it too. I mean, couldn't they just have asked? Why the hell did Jacob Black think he needed to sniff it out of me? What's wrong with a conversation? And why did he seem so furious?

And then it hits me. The reason for Jacob's outrageous behavior, and I feel so betrayed!

It's because he doesn't _trust _me. Jake doesn't trust _me_! He thinks I'm gonna babble about everything - werewolves, the tribe, vampires - in bed to a boyfriend. He thinks that I would reveal our secret.

How can he think that? Is it because I'm a girl? Does he think I get all mushy and spill my heart out to a every guy. I thought they trusted me, I thought _he_ trusted me!

That is why he wanted to find out if I had been with a man, and why he didn't ask but sniffed instead, because not only does he think I'm not to be trusted but also that I'm a liar! That I would've lied about it if he had asked.

This realization _hurts_!

I'm the goddamn Beta, but no, I'm obviously not good enough to really be trusted or considered honest. Why the hell did he make me a Beta in the first place if he thinks about me like this?

I start feeling beyond upset. I'm almost back to my old self-pitying, self-loathing thoughts, when I manage to get a hold on myself.

Goddammit! He can think whatever he wants to! They can all think what they want! I'm used to people thinking poorly of me. What do I care about what they are thinking!

I shake the hand off my shoulder. As it releases I see that it's not Seth's hand, but Embry's. That makes my thoughts a little more amending. At least Embry didn't seem to be in on this: "Let's find out if Leah's got a boyfriend, because she can't be trusted with our secret"-kind of stuff. I mean, that must be the reason he was staring at his feet all tensed up in the kitchen when Jacob was throwing his little show. Embry was ashamed of his pack-brothers thoughts and actions.

Right?!

I hope I'm right, because I need my future side-kick to think more highly of me than that stupidly sneering Alpha sitting on the other side of the table.

"Whatever" I shrug. "I'm going to take a nap. Fred and Jonas, you'll do the dishes today and then it's time to start on your homework. I'll check on it after my rest."

"But Jake told us we could play Halo with him and then wrestle. Homework is boring" Jonas interrupts looking between me and Jake.

"Dishes, home-work. Then you'll have free time." I command.

"Isn't it womens job to do household work?! And just one woman here too. And homework? Who needs school anyway!" At Jake's words everyone push their chairs clear from the table, tensing up, waiting for my reaction, ready for flight.

Jacob's clearly enjoying himself, grinning widely, eyes twinkling. I see his body readying itself for taking off of the chair. I know him and what he's up to. He wants me to lunge at him. This is his idea of fun. I quickly tense one of my legs in a fake move, and at that Jake is up on his feet jumping out of his seat.

I start to laugh. "Where are you going Jacob, in such a hurry?" I ask, leaning back in my chair.

I roll my eyes at him, still feeling angry and upset deep down, but a little less so.

I shift my gaze back to the two pups looking a little fretful now, because they know Jake's words have put them in trouble as well. And as the good little boys they are, they start hurriedly cleaning the table without me having to say one more word about it.

At this I march upstairs into the peace and quiet of my room.

I smile smugly thinking about how the pups still follow my lead over Jacob's, although I know that they want to be just like Jake. And then I snicker when I think that all the bad habits and tricks Jake has taught them are going to come back and bite him in the ass, because at the time I'm ready to leave, the pups are going to be in their most rebellious teen-years, and then they will give Jacob hell using all his tricks against him.

And since I know exactly what it is he has tried to teach them, these schemes never work on me. It's the same tricks little Jake used on his sisters in order to escape chores.

Like throwing a red sock together with white laundry, dying everything pink. After this happening a couple of times at the Black's, Jake was never trusted round the washing-machine the whole time while the girls still lived at home. He also used to do the dishes so poorly that smears were left on all the cutlery. I know this used to gross Becca out, so she never let Jake do the dishes. I also remember Jake ironing and leaving burn marks on all items. Or being sent to the store loosing the money on the way, or dropping the grocery-bags smashing everything in them: the eggs, the milk bottle, and so on.

Jacob Black always was a cunning little boy, full of himself.

That's my last thought before I drift to sleep.

___________________________________________________________________________

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**Disclaimer: don't own an characters, only in my dreams!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Forgiving**

_**Dream**_

_I'm already late and now my bike has a flat tire. I'm leading it on the gravel road heading home. I hope dad has time to fix it, because I don't like taking the bus to school. I love riding my bike, it makes me feel free, and I like the exercise. _

_When I'm almost home I meet little Embry Call. "Hi!" I say. He blushes a little and mumbles something incomprehensible, looking at his feet. The kid is so shy it's heartbreakingly sweet._

_I leave my bike on the yard and run upstairs fetching my dance-clothes, and the sprint over to Melissa's. Her mom will drive us to the dance-class in Port Angeles. I love dancing, how it makes me become one with the music, my body feeling weightless._

_The next morning I see that the flat tire has indeed been fixed. I have to remember thanking my dad when I get home. The school-day passes real quick. The sweet Embry kid is looking at me from the corner of his eye at lunch, smiling happily, like he has a secret. Jacob next to him is frowning, looking annoyed at his friends smile. I laugh thinking that if he continues with his scowling his face might be stuck like that._

_When I get home dad is making dinner, since mom is working late. "Dad, thanks for fixing my bike!" I say hugging him. _

_At this dad laughs: "Honey, I didn't fix your bike. I was at a council-meeting until late." _

"_Was it Seth?" I ask, but as soon as the words are out of my mouth I start to giggle and my dad laughs along with me. If it had been Seth the tire would've probably fallen off as soon as I would've sat on the bike. _

"_Maybe you have a secret admirer." my dad smiles at me. I blush at this, and my heart flutters a little. On Valentines day I had gotten, not one, but a couple of anonymous cards. One I hope is from the boy I like. I had gotten some signed cards as well, mostly from my friends, but also from some of the boys in my class. I know that one of the anonymous cards was from Jake because his sisters told me, and also, nobody has an equally messy handwriting as he. The card was all wrinkled and stained too. Typical Jake. I laugh thinking of his hopeless card. He probably gave me the card so he could tell his friends that he knows an older girl. Maybe he even claimed me as being his girlfriend, I wouldn't put it past him. He's always bragging about himself._

_But who has fixed my bike? Had it been Jake I never would have heard the end of it. And the one I hope is my secret admirer lives too far from my house to been just casually walking over, besides how would've he known that I had a flat tire. Somehow I feel like I'm missing the obvious. _

"_What are you thinking about?" Seth asks as he comes out of his room looking at me curiously._

_I tell him about my secret-bike fixer, and now Seth beams happily. "I know who it was!" He's jumping up and down in excitement. "It was Embry!" Then he looks horrified. "Oh no!" He whispers, clasping his hands over his mouth. "It was a secret!"_

_I smile at Seth, reassuring him of it being a good thing he told me, because now I can thank Embry. It's too late to go over now, and I also want to give Embry something for taking the trouble of fixing my bike. But what would he like? My brother likes comics, but I'm not sure Embry would like that. I try to think of what Jake likes, but remembering he only likes stupid things, that won't really help me. Then I come up with a brilliant idea. I'm gonna burn him a CD with really good music that will make Embry feel happy listening to it. That way he can listen to something better than the horrible music Jake is forcing him to listen to. Jake has the worst music-taste ever! I think he only listens to metal to annoy his sisters, but he pretends that he thinks it's really good, turning the volume to maximum when I'm over. _

_I run up to my room and start recording the music that makes me happy, the music I love dancing to. I even put in some of my fathers favorite songs, because somehow I think that Embry would enjoy the same songs my dad loves, like old-school soul-singers such as Sam Cooke and folk-singers like Richie Havens. I'm really pleased with my mix and can't wait until I give it to him tomorrow._

_As soon as I see Embry in the school-yard I run up to him throwing my arms around him. "Thank you Embry!" Then I kiss his cheek. "I made you this. I think you might like it! Thank you so much for fixing my bike!" Before I walk away I see Embry blushing a deep crimson, smiling so wide I think his face is going to burst, I also spy Jake scowling angrily. _

_On Saturday I wake up by loud noises coming from our garage. Mom has a weekend shift at the hospital and dad is out fishing. Why is Seth rumbling around in the garage at ten in the morning I wonder. I take my cereal-bowl with me and head over to see what's going on. _

_To my infinite surprise I'm met with Jake doing something with my bike. Seth is standing next to him, passing him tools Jake asks for. "What are you doing?!" I ask astonished. "I'm fixing it of course!" He states looking at me with a wide grin. _

"_What do you mean fixing it?!"I frown. "There is nothing wrong with it. Embry fixed it." At the mention of Embry's name Jake looks furious._

"_He didn't do a very good job!" He says. "I'm fixing it properly! I'm much better than Embry. Look at this!" He says holding out the bicycle tube that now has a big rip in it. The patch Embry has put on the original hole seems to have come loose somehow. "You know I'm going to be the best mechanic in the world." He boasts. "If you need anything fixed you should come to me!"_

_I just sigh and go back inside. God, his bragging is getting on my nerves._

_Some time later Jake comes inside with Seth bouncing after him like a happy puppy. Why, oh why, does Seth want to be like Jake? _

"_I'm finished now" He starts. "I did a really good job! The tire is as good as new." He is looking at me expectantly and comes to stand even closer. _

"_I really like music. I listen to music all the time. When I get a car we can go driving together and listen to music. But I don't like girly songs." He says. "So when you make me the CD I want cool songs. You can kiss me now!" He says leaning into me trying to throw his arms around my neck. _

_That annoying little brat! _

"_Kiss you?!! Why the hell would I kiss you Jacob Black! I'm gonna smack you, that's what I'm gonna do!" I yell and push him off me. _

_At my outburst Jake's face falls."What the hell did I go to all this trouble for if you're not gonna kiss me! " He bellows. "You can keep stupid Embry as your mechanic. See if I care!" He yells running out of my house._

_**End dream**_

I stir, with the feeling of eyes lingering on my body, and my nose is hit with a familiar scent, one that must be a creation of the memory that floated up in my sleep. I open my eyes to look at my alarm clock. I've only slept twenty minutes.

This is when I realize that there indeed is someone in the room, I sit up and meet the sight of Jacob, shifting his gaze to my face. His face is a little flushed.

I pull up my sheets to cover my bare legs. Was he staring at them?

Why is he in _my room_?

"What are you doing here?!" I ask irritated. God, can't a girl ever get peace and quiet?! I want to sleep.

"I just, I...hmmm, I..." Jake stutters. "You were kind of upset, I just, I thought maybe we should talk..."

"God dammit! I'm sleeping Jacob!" Why can't he leave me alone?This must be a bad-habit he has picked up from the nosy vampires who always seem to be meddling in each others businesses.

"Leah, I just...I just...Look, maybe I was a little out of line when you came back..." He says seating himself on the floor next to my headboard.

I say nothing, I just glare at him murderously.

"Embry said I should come up and talk to you" he says defensively obviously trying to direct my anger on Embry instead.

"Yeah, and what are we supposed to be talking about when I'm sleeping?! Did Embry also tell you what you're supposed to say?!" I ask with as much venom as I can muster in my voice.

Jake looks annoyed, raking his hand through his hair. "No!" he almost shouts. "You're my Beta, we should have more Alpha-Beta time I think. And as my Beta you should come talk to me, and tell me where you are." Now he starts to get fired up, raising his voice, leaning closer. "We were really worried you know. Seth was desperate. He thought you had been abducted or murdered or something!"

"What if something had happened to you Leah!" He continues sounding more and more upset, leaving me no room to retaliate. "Nobody knew where you were! Why didn't you tell us where you were going?!"

I just stare at him in disbelief. "I told Seth I was going to Seattle to visit friends." I say quietly.

"Yeah! But what if something had happened. You didn't answer your phone. What were we supposed to think?! Did you at all consider the pups. You just up and left them so you could have _fun_!"

Oh, he so did not go there, trying to make me look like a bad mother. I feel furious. I took those pups in when they were thrown out by their parents, and I'm taking damn good care of them. Jake knows this! Should know this! I jump out of bed, redying myself for a scream-fest.

"Seth was babysitting them!" I yell furiously. "Jonas and Fred are eleven and twelve, and Seth is almost 16 and damn responsible too. I think they can manage a night once a week without me being here!"

"Is that so?!" Jake shouts raising one eye-brow. "Obviously Seth really needed you! And you where nowhere to be found!"

This is when I remember I still haven't asked what the emergency was, which make me start to worry about it again. But it can't be something really bad, because the they would've told me, right?

"What was it that happened?" I ask remorsefully, softening my voice to almost a whisper, sitting back on the bed.

At this Jake starts laughing: "The DVD-player broke"

What?! A broken DVD-player?! "What the hell could I've done about that?" I don't aim the question to Jake in particular. This is typical my little brother. A broken DVD-player is the reason to call the national-guard. I can't help but to snicker at this.

Soon both me and Jake are howling with laughter at the image of Seth panicking at the broken DVD-player.

After we calm down, Jacob looks at me softly, "He was worried, everybody was. I...I just, I got carried away." He states looking slightly embarrassed.

"Why didn't you just ask me instead of behaving like a cave-man" I ask.

Now Jake averts his gaze, and actually almost blushes. I don't think I've seen Jacob blush since I kissed him under a mistletoe a Christmas when he was seven.

"What do you do when you're in Seattle?" He's slightly changing the subject.

"I meet people. I go out" I don't like lying so I try to keep it as close to the truth as possible.

"What kind of people?" There is a hint of suspicion in his voice. I don't know what to make of it.

"Just, I don't know, people. All kinds of people I guess. I just basically talk to them, that's all."

"Don't you like hanging out with us? Talking to us. With me?" His voice is really quiet now and the look on his face is one that Seth used to give me, when I didn't want to take him with me when I went to see a movie with Sam.

"It's just...I love the night-life. Normal people my age go out a lot. They go dancing, hanging out with their friends, their enjoying themselves" I say. I've actually never been in one of the clubs, but looking from outside I probably would enjoy it if I was the girl I used to be. I always loved dancing. And I love what I'm doing as a protector in the Seattle-night, so that could also fall into the category of night-life. So what I'm telling Jake is not a complete lie.

"You always were a great dancer" Jake states looking me in the eye, falling into silence. He looks lost in thought and there is a hesitation about him. "You meet boys?" he finally asks averting his gaze.

So now we are back to what made me so mad before. Him thinking me babbling about my secrets to a boyfriend. "Jacob, why do you think I would tell about me being a were-wolf if I met someone?" Jake thinking this makes me feel bad about myself.

Jacob's look is perplexed. "What?!"

"You heard me." I'm not backing on this.

"You think I don't trust you?!" Now he looks upset. "You're my Beta for Christ sake! I would trust you with my life! I am already trusting you with my life!" He's shouting now.

But if that wasn't the reason for his actions, then I don't understand? "Why were you acting all insane then?" I hear myself asking.

At this Jacob becomes silent. "Leah, I would've never chosen you for Beta if I didn't trust you.!" He then says forcefully staring me dead in the eyes.

"I was just worried, and Quil were saying...Quil he thought...I didn't, I mean...We didn't know where to look for you, and then when you came...you seemed so happy and I had been worrying sick about you...and I got angry..." He seems be fumbling for words.

"You got angry because I was happy and unhurt" I start laughing. Because the way Jake's putting it, this is what he's saying.

"No!" He exclaims but starts laughing along with me.

I feel a rush of joy as I realize I had been so mistaken about his intentions with his behavior: He doesn't mistrust me! He doesn't think I'm a liar! He was just acting in his typical foolish Jake-manner. I should have known this. Jake was just being in over-dramatic Alpha-wolf mode.

"I forgive you" I smile at him.

"I wasn't apologizing" Jake says. "I've got nothing to apologize for"

Typical Jake! He never wants to admit he's wrong or his behavior has been out of line. I forgive him anyway!


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Embry's reply**

I go over to Embry's house next morning, when I know Ms Call has left for work. Embry's mom is such a nice woman, but this meeting has to be in private.

I haven't been over to Embry's since we were kids, but nothing much seems to have changed, at least on the outside. I think I should have been over sooner since he's such a nice guy, but then again he's always over at our house and I've been busy, not having time to make social calls.

When he comes to open the door he seems perplexed that I'm there. What if he thinks I'm intrusive? Maybe he likes his privacy, just like he keeps his thoughts to himself? I hope he doesn't object to me coming here. Besides I've made cookies!

"Are you just gonna stand there? Aren't you gonna invite me in?" I say jokingly.

"Sure, of course" He's looking at me like I'm some sort of a mirage. Maybe he just woke up?

I head towards the living-room and seat myself on the sofa.

I'm a little unsure about how to ask him. I had considered writing a speech and even practicing, but then I decided to go with the flow. That has always been my forte, to improvise and think fast. I'm not much for rehearsals, even in the school plays I mostly improvised.

"Embry, I...There is something I want to ask you, something I want to talk to you about." I begin. Not a very good start.

" I even brought cookies. Home-made! Here!" I put the cookie-jar in his hands hoping that'll distract him a little, giving me a second to think about how to phrase my next words.

He smiles a delightfully and sits next to me, looking at me with his soft sensitive eyes.

How should I begin? I search for the right words inside of me.

"Embry, I trust you." That feels like the right thing to say. And it is the truth. The reason that I trust him is the reason I want him as my sidekick.

"I can trust you, right?" Of course I know I can trust him, I just want to point out how important what I am about to say is going to be.

He nods his head solemnly, lifting his hands like he...like he...I don't know. Maybe he wanted to take a cookie?

"Listen. I'm gonna tell you something you have to keep to yourself. You can't tell _anyone_! _No one!_" I continue placing my hand on his, leaning in closer, looking him straight in the eye. I want to make sure that he understands how important this is, and I want to try to read what goes on in his mind while I tell him what I've come to say.

At my touch he tenses up. His heart is hammering erratically, his pupils dialate, and he's breathing becomes ragged. _Oh no, maybe I'm scaring him off!_ He must worry I'm going to reveal some dirty secrets of mine, like that I secretly am a serial killer! He seems to have zoned out completely, so many emotions swimming in his eyes that I don't know what to make of any of them.

Then he shifts his eyes onto my hand on his. Jeez, maybe he doesn't like me touching him. Should I remove my hand?

"Embry." I try to get his attention back to the fact I'm going to say.

He gazes back at me with the strangest expression on his face. He almost looks sick. Maybe he is? Because I kind of think his body temperature has gone up a little. Or is it just that he really thinks I'm going to tell him something so horrible that he doesn't want to hear it?

"It's nothing bad. Don't worry. I mean, I think actually it's something that could be good for _both_ of us." I try to reassure him. _Please, please, listen to this. Please, please say yes._

"It's something that gives me purpose, and I thought you might like it as well."

Then I reveal everything in a haste, watching Embry's reactions go from astounded to apprehensive to admiring.

"You're the _only one_ I could think of. I understand if you don't want to, but think about it at least"

I want him to be sure that this is something _he wants_, and not something he does just to be nice to me. But then again I also really want him to accept my offer.

"Yes Leah! Of course I want to. We'll do this together! I'll be there for you!" He promises.

I feel so happy. Things work out perfectly! I'm so lucky! I feel like jumping and squealing and kissing someone.

Instead I hug Embry tight. "Embry, you're the best!" He really is! This is going to be so great!

I think I've even underestimated Embry's wish to do this, because as I release him from my hug he is looking very emotional, tears welling up in his eyes. He must have longed for a purpose, for something important to do! And now he finally got it! He almost looks like someone in love finally getting his first kiss.

I'm so glad that I asked him, and he seems overjoyed that I thought of asking him. There is such excitement burning in his eyes! Like he wants to start hunting vampires at once.

I almost kiss his cheek, but think better of it. I'm sure Embry wouldn't appreciate it. He's usually so calm and controlled, but I've noticed how he always tenses when I touch him. I guess he really doesn't like me touching him too much and I don't want my sidekick to feel uncomfortable.

I take he just isn't the touchy-feely kind of guy anymore, which is surprising, because as a kid he wore his heart on his sleeve and he was always hugging his mom and cuddling the bunny-rabbit he owned.

I smile at the memory of little Embry holding a white lop-eared rabbit in his backyard, kissing it and telling it that it's the best bunny in the world and that he, Embry, would always love it and take care of it. Then I think of how heart-broken Embry was when the rabbit died.

_**Flashback**_

_There is a commotion in the school-yard, so naturally I go there to see what's happening. Of course Jake is one of the kids involved, as usual. Nothing new there! Behind him I see Embry red-eyed, his lips trembling. Facing Jake is the ugly figure of Paul. _

"_Shut up, Paul or I'm going to beat you up!" Jake threatens. _

"_You can just make a rabbit-stew and eat tonight. That's what rabbits are for anyways!" With these words Paul turns around and stalks away._

_Paul's words seem to hit Embry like a speeding bullet. Tears roll down his cheek and he starts sobbing. As Jake notices this he abandons the mission of going after Paul, instead he throws his arm around his friend, hugging him. _

"_What are you looking at?!" He yells at the crowd, who at his words turn away and leave. _

"_Don't listen to what that idiot was saying." Jake comforts Embry. _

"_What happened" I ask concerned. I don't want sweet little Embry crying. _

"_...Mr Pebbles...my bunny...." Embry's sobbing so hard I can't make the words out. _

_Jake comes to his assistance: "His rabbit is sick, so when Embry's mom comes home from work they're going to the vet to put it to sleep. And Paul's an idiot!"_

"_Paul said Mr Pebbles won't go to heaven. That rabbits don't go to heaven, that the only way to go heaven is to have a funeral, and rabbits can't have funerals. He said we should make a stew out of Mr Pebbles!" The desperation in Embry's voice is killing me. "I don't want to eat Mr Pebbles!" He cries out. _

"_Paul doesn't know anything! Jake's right, don't listen to Paul. Besides we're gonna have a funeral for your rabbit. We're going to bury him in our back-yard." I'm making up plans now. "My dad's an elder, he often leads funerals, so he can say something when we bury your rabbit, then the spirits are gonna guide your rabbit home. Don't worry. Come by tomorrow. I'll take care of everything."_

_I leave Embry with Jake. It is at times like this that I forgive Jake for every annoying thing he's ever done, because despite all his stupid jokes Jake has a heart. A kind and big heart. He's a truly good friend. I feel a little remorseful of how I always let myself get mad at Jake, I should treat him better. Sometimes I just forget that he's mother's not here anymore, and remembering her being gone makes me sad for Jake and for Becca and Ray-Ray. _

_I take great pride in making sure everything will be perfect for the funeral of the rabbit. My dad promises to come out and say something nice. My mom helps me bake a cake and make lemonade. I even get to borrow the good china. Seth writes a poem and I'm going to dance a traditional dance in remembrance of the rabbit. Afterwards we're going to eat cake and talk about good memories of the rabbit and how happy it will be in heaven. This will make Embry feel better, getting to share this sad day with his friends, reminiscing all the good times he had with his rabbit._

_Jake, who's experienced such sorrow and grief, knowing everything about how awful it feels to loose someone you love, has made the most beautiful wooden box for the rabbit to be buried in. Billy, Jake's dad, is one of the best wood-workers on the reservation and he has been teaching Jacob. On the wooden box Jake has carved the rabbits name – it's misspelled but I don't say anything about that – and there also is a carved picture of a rabbit munching on a carrot, with angel-wings. Despite all of his faults I must say Jacob is great at the things he likes doing, and it's obvious he wants to do something nice for Embry._

_I also truly believe he wants to honor the memory of the rabbit, because no matter what Jake's gonna claim I know he loved that rabbit too. Jake always has this tough-boy act going on, but it's nothing that should be taken too seriously. Even though Jake always states that he wants a Pitbull or a Doberman, I've seen how he looked longingly at the rabbit when he, Quil and Embry were taking it out for a walk. It was really adorable seeing the boys trying to walk the rabbit like it was a dog. They had a leash and everything! Jake of course told me that if it was his he would've taught it to do all kinds of cool tricks. That was probably why he got the idea of catching himself a wild rabbit and taming it. I heard from Rachel and Rebecca that Billy had told Jacob that if he was able to catch a rabbit without hurting it, he could keep it. Billy was sly like that, because I think he knew how that would go. Let's just say that Jacob spent the next two weeks in the woods getting a lot of exercise. He sure has a lot of qualities but since patience isn't one of them, he never got close enough to a rabbit to catch one. But of course, according to his own stories he would've caught dozens of them if just not his shoe-lace had come undone in the exact wrong moment, or if not a bear had appeared making Jake have to wrestle it. Yeah right!_

_The ceremony goes well. Embry has written the sweetest letter to his dead rabbit-friend. Hearing him read it brings tears to my eyes. Seth's poem is funny and cute. My dad leads us in an old Quileute-prayer, but most of all I'm impressed with the words Jake says and his solemn attitude. His words are sincere and heartfelt, so unlike the typical things that come out of his big mouth. I actually cry hearing him speak. The way Jacob behaves during the ceremony makes me realize that he truly is the son of Billy Black, our leader on the reservation, and not just the most annoying kid on the planet. _

_After we've eaten of the cake,Jake, Quil and Seth start playing soccer. I'm thinking about joining in, but seeing the lost look on Embry's face, I decide to stay with him. I put my arms around Embry who starts crying against my shoulder, hugging me. I'm trying my best to comfort him, petting his hair, telling him that his rabbit is happy now in heaven playing with his rabbit-friends. We stay like this for a long time, and Embry has just started to calm down, when I see Jake marching towards us with an angry scowl on his face. I've already seen him looking pissed while playing, glaring at me and Embry ever so often. Maybe he's mad that Quil and Seth scored a goal? I know Jake hates loosing, but why it would be my or Embry's fault I don't understand. _

_When Jake reaches us he throws the ball in the back of Embry's head hitting him hard. Embry turns around letting go of me with a confused look on his tear-stained face. _

"_Come and play!" Jake barks. _

_Embry is swallowing hard trying to wipe away his tears. _

"_Go away!" I snarl back. Why is he suddenly acting insensitive again? Just because he's bored or loosing the game or whatever._

_Seeing Embry's face, Jake's expression turns from menacing to regretful. Furrows form on his face, and the next second he's squeezing himself on to the porch between me and Embry, practically ending up sitting in my lap. Does he have to sit between us?! Doesn't he see that there is plenty of room on the other side of Embry? _

"_It will feel better after a while. Laughing and having fun will make you forget how it hurts." After saying this Jake falls into deep thought, probably trying to think about something funny he can say to Embry in order to cheer him up. Then he chuckles:_

"_Were you trying to feel Leah's boobs, pretending to be sad?"_

_WHAT? I can't believe my ears! _

"_No!" Embry lets out a horrified gasp._

"_You JERK!" I yell to Jacob, pushing him down the porch. "I HATE you! Not everybody is a pervert like you! Embry is a sweetheart. He would never do anything like that!" I've just gotten my first training bra, and I feel very self-conscious about my body. Jake's words make me cringe. _

_. _

"_Aw, come on Leah! It was a funny thing to say! Right Embry? Look, it already made him feel better. He stopped crying!"Jake's laughing. That boy has no shame! Is this his idea of a joke? _

"_It was NOT funny! You're an idiot! Tell him Embry!"_

"_It was funny! Right Embry?!"_

_Embry is trying to avoid looking at either one of us. He is mumbling something incoherent, eyes jumping from me to Jake and then back._

"_Embry! Would you ever say something like that to anyone!"_

_Embry shakes his head looking a little afraid._

"_Ha! There you see Jacob Black! You are a pervert and Embry is a gentleman. A much better man than you'll ever be!"_

_This makes Jake narrow his eyes angrily._

"_Embry's not a man! He's a cry-baby, acting like a little girl all the time!"_

_I can't believe him! Is this the same Jake who defended Embry against Paul, comforted him and said all those beautiful things at the burial?!!_

_At Jake's words Embry looks hurt, but even more so he looks ashamed of himself. He takes off running indoors, hiding his head in the crook of his arm. I'm about to follow him when Jacob continues: "Are you gonna run after your boyfriend and make out with him?" Then he's making kissing noises."Leah and Embry sitting in a tree. K-I-S..."_

_Now I forget every resolution I've made of being a little nicer towards Jacob Black. I don't even care that he's the brother of two of my best friends or the son of an elder. I'm gonna send him to the hospital ward! I'm gonna make him cry!_

_I let out a horrifying war-cry and rush after the now running Jacob. He is howling with laughter, jumping over one of the lawn-chairs. Is this his idea of fun? Is everything a joke to Jacob? I reach the back of his shirt and tug hard, making both of us fall on the garden-table. I hear a crashing. There goes the good china! I'm covered with cream and cake and Jacob is shoving more of it in my face as we tumble down on the lawn. I scream with frustration. I jump up looking down at my best dress that is completely stained. _

"_Food fight!" Jake yells, sending Quil and Seth running towards us ready to join in._

_As he stands up I give him the hardest slap I can muster, hoping he'll get tears in his eyes and some sense into his thick skull, but NO! Instead he has the nerve to be smiling even wider, like I've just told him that he's the greatest person on this planet, which by the way probably is what he thinks of himself._

_I HATE Jacob Black! _

"_I love it when your mad Leah! It makes you look like your on fire!" Jake is stepping closer to me, his hand behind his back. As I ready myself for punching, pushing or kicking him, he throws the entire pitcher of lemonade in my face."And that will put the fire out!" He laughs so hard he can't even stand up._

_Stupid, stupid, Jacob Black! _

_I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!_

_He ruins everything!_

_**End of flashback**_

Remembering this last part I'm relieved that Jake will never know anything about our mine and Embry's upcoming missions. Sure Jacob has a lot of good qualities, and he has matured...a little that is....and of course I don't hate him. In fact I'm grateful for him letting me be a part of his pack. He is a good leader...most of the time at least. And we have some sort of a friendship going on, but would he know of my extended protecting-missions I'm positive he would turn them into action-packed Jake-shows involving a lot of immature joking and stupid behavior. He would probably be starting brawls just for the fun of it, and forgetting all about the victims we should be helping.

I spend the entire day over at Embry's munching on the cookies I've made, just hanging around. It feels nice and comfortable, and I tell Embry about my previous excursions into Seattle and about what I've encountered on them. Embry's such a good listener that I soon feel that I could actually tell him everything that is on my mind and maybe even what's in my heart.

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**AN: Thank you so much for reviewing! Your reviews make me want to continue writing! **

**I'm considering making next chapter Embry's POV. **


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Sister of the sun, Part I**

Embry's POV

I'm itching to go over to the Clearwater's, but it's far too early. I try to busy myself with mindless tasks, but I can't help glancing at the clock every other minute.

I decide to search the Internet for cooking-recipes, because I'm foolishly hoping that the way to a werewolves heart is through her stomach. I even contemplate the idea of calling Bella Swan asking her about recipes, because I remember Jake telling me how she used to love cooking and made the greatest dishes.

Remembering Leah complimenting my cooking yesterday has me internally kicking myself for once again becoming a stuttering idiot in front of her. Why can't I act normal around her? Why can't I come up with witty replies that make her smile, the kind Jake would say. Even Quil would say something smarter than me. At least I could've looked her in the eye! And the blushing... God, I hate the way I'm always blushing.

The previous night we all were going out of our minds with worry when we couldn't reach Leah. Seth thought she had been kidnapped or murdered, Jake worried she'd be hurt but was also enraged after Quil came up with the suggestion of Leah having a secret boyfriend. I was fearing that she finally done what I'm always afraid Leah will someday do. That she just up and disappear without a word, without a trace. I have spied the thought in her head, although much less apparent since she joined Jacob's pack. It's a thought she hides well, very well. I don't think the others have noticed it, because they don't fear this like I do. When she still was in Sam's pack she always was looking for an escape. During that time most of the pack-members tried to tune out all of her thoughts, but I've always listened to her mind, her heart, her words. In the beginning I was afraid her escape would contain something self-harming, but fortunately these darkest thoughts of her have now completely disappeared. In Jacob's pack she has been more at ease, slowly gaining herself back.

Even though I look up to Jake and think he's a great man, I don't like the way he handled things when Leah came home yesterday morning. It was a pure instinctual reaction from Jake, but sometimes he let's his impulses run too freely. Why doesn't he just talk with her? Because I know he's not scared of talking with her, unlike me. Jake didn't even realize how hurt Leah felt until I pointed it out to him. Sure she hid it well, but he should know how him smelling her, like she was nothing but an animal, would make her feel. Doesn't he know how Leah's been thinking lowly about herself partly because of the crude fantasies about her running through our combined minds when we were part of Sam's pack? Doesn't he know how some of her former classmates call her a slut behind her back, drawing all the wrong conclusions when they spy her with very little clothes on, always hanging out with a bunch of half-naked men? She acts like she doesn't care, but I know it hurts her. Then Jake's smelling her... So what if she would've had a boyfriend or had sex! Is it any of our business? I'm not saying I'm too thrilled about the thought of that, but she's always smiling and looking excited when she comes home from her Seattle-outings. So whatever she's doing on these nights, it is a good thing, because she is happy! And isn't that we all should want, her to be happy?

And then there is someone at the door.

I can't believe my eyes when I open and see Leah! Leah's at my door! It's a long time dream of mine that comes true. I always go over to her house, seeking her out, but now she's here, looking for _me_!

Leah is smiling and my heart starts to flutter. _I love your smile! _

"Are you just gonna stand there? Aren't you gonna invite me in?" she grins at me.

_God, you're beautiful. _I motion for her to come in.

"Embry, I...There is something I want to ask you. Something I want to talk to you about." She says seating herself on the sofa. "I even brought cookies. Home-made! Here!" She's shoving the jar with cookies in my hands. _Cookies? For me? Why? _I sit next to her facing her, placing the cookie-jar on the side table, confused.

She's looking at me expectantly, searching for something in my face. I feel a blush start to creep up my cheeks.

"Embry, I trust you." she says after a second of hesitation. Since when does Leah hesitate?

But then I'm hit with her words:_ She __**trusts **__me! _I think I've never smiled like this before. Leah_ trusts_ _**me**_! How could I not smile at this? Her words spark a glow that fills my heart, flowing through my arteries, filling me with gleaming heat. The body temperature of a werewolf is nothing compared to the warmth Leah's words create in me. I've never felt this good! Ever.

"I can trust you, right?" she asks.

_Of course!_ I nod my head solemnly, wanting to reach out to touch her. Instead I clench my hands into fists keeping them in my lap.

"Listen. I'm gonna tell you something you have to keep for yourself. You can't tell _anyone_! _No one_!" she states, placing her hand on mine leaning in closer looking me straight in the eye.

I forget how to breathe, my heart thundering in my chest. I swim in her eyes, and would drown in them if it wasn't for the fact that her hand is on mine - her hand is a life buoy keeping me afloat. It's just enough for me to gain enough sense to avert my gaze before I completely loose myself in the hazel of her eyes.

My eyes move to her hand resting on mine. I'm marveling at the velvety smoothness of her skin. _I wonder how it feels to caress her skin? _Now I'm fighting the urge to turn my hand over and hold hers and stroke my fingers over hers.

"Embry!"

I snap back, trying to gain control over my clouded senses and my burning body.

"It's nothing bad. Don't worry." she continues urgently, creasing her forehead, looking a little distressed.

Am I the one making her feel distressed?Has she noticed the reactions in my body, the ones I can't control? Is she repulsed by me? _Please, no!_

"I mean, I think actually it's something that could be good for _both_ of us." she continues.

_Both of __us!___My heart and my body fills with a ridiculous hope of her speaking of my secret dream, but my mind tells me I'm jumping to conclusions.

"It's something that gives me purpose, and I thought you might like it as well."

Of course my mind was right, as always, and I listen as Leah continues by telling me everything about what she has been doing on her nights-out.

I'm amazed! And worried she's been doing this alone without anybodys knowledge, but most of all proud of her. She is so brave! She has the _most_ _wonderful _heart, reaching out to protect even strangers! Only Leah could've thought of something as heroic as this! How I admire her!

And now this wonderful heroine is asking _me_, _Embry_, to be her _partner_ in this. She is asking _me_! Not Seth. Not Jake! But _me_!

"You're the _only one_ I could think of. I understand if you don't want to, but think about it at least"

The only one! I am the only one! Before she gets a chance to finish, I promise her my full-hearted commitment.

"Yes Leah! Of course I want to. We'll do this together! I'll be there." In my mind I add the words I don't have courage to say out loud: _Forever! I'll be here for you, by your side. Always._

Leah throws her arms around me an hugs me tight. "Embry, you're the best!"

Her alluring scent fills my head, and I feel myself pressing her harder against me. An electric rush of emotions so deep I don't even know what to call them fill me. _Oh Leah! _

As she releases, _much too soon_, I feel tears threatening to form in my eyes. I've always been too emotional, I know. I've tried hard to become more masculine, more like Jake. But I just don't seem to have it in me. Maybe it is because I've grown up without a male role-model?

Before this wolf-business happened, my mom was my best friend. I used to talk with my mother about everything. I told her all my secrets, and I know almost all of hers, except the ones considering my father. I used to watch old classic movies like Casablanca with my mom on Friday-nights, and we both were teary-eyed by the end of them. I still get that way hearing a heartfelt song, or sometimes even by watching lame TV-shows.

I've learned from my friends that I'm far too mushy, and that I should man-up. But with the incredible sensation of Leah's touch, I can't help how the emotions welling in me probably show all over my face.

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**AN: This is part 1 of 2. In the next you will get more of Embry's thoughts on Leah and a flashback. I'll try to update tomorrow...**

**If you like the childhood flashbacks then you should check out my other story I just started, called "Storytelling". It involves a boasting Jake trying to impress Leah and his friends with tales of his great adventures, or with his own adaption of the Quileute legends starring himself as the hero. I got the idea after reading KeiKatJones (thank you so much for your very encouraging reviews!) comment on how she imagined Jake telling Leah about wrestling a 9,11'' grizzly, telling the rabbit he tried to catch to run for it's life. I laughed so much at that comment! That would be just the thing Jacob Black would tell! **


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Sister of the sun, Part II**

Embry's POV:

Later at night when I lay in my bed, I stare at the ceiling at my invisible, but yet so vivid poster of Leah. A lot of teenage guys have posters of girls on their walls. I've always had only one, an _imaginary_ one that is, of the girl whose scent still faintly lingers in the air.

If there ever would've been a poster of Leah I'm sure it would decorate every teenage boys' wall in La Push.

In the one I now envision before my minds eye, her silver-gray fur is glistening in the moonlight, as she reaches the waters-edge on First Beach. The moon is showering her in a silver rain. She's surreal in her beauty. _Wonderful,_ I think in awe of seeing such a creature. _Oh, to run my fingers through her coat. Is it as soft and magical as it looks?_

_She truly is a Goddess_.

I've always considered myself blessed to be able to live in such close vicinity of a deity, because I know Leah must have descended straight from heaven.

As a kid I lived for those lucky days when I could walk past her in school, or even better, when she was over at Jake's hanging out with his sisters. Jake, Quil and I gravitated around her, until Rebecca or Rachel threw us out of their room. We were on cloud number nine if she smiled at us. Just to hear her laughter or voice was enough for my heart to rapidly speed up and a blush to start creeping over my face. I never had courage enough to speak to her, maybe, only maybe, whisper a faint "Hi".

When she turned older and started dating Sam Uley every boy wished he could trade places with him. To be able to hold Leah's hand, talk to her, _kiss her_! It wasn't just that she was beautiful, she was smart, funny, confident, brave, kindhearted and happy. She was more than a ray of light. She was the sister of the sun.

Unfortunately this was a time when I almost never saw her anymore. Even when she was over at the Black's, Jake made a point of avoiding her like the plague. I wished to be able remain indoors with her and the twins, but I had no choice but to follow Jake and Quil out to the garage, where Jake would never stop going on about all of Leah's faults.

_**Flashback**_

"_She's just not cool enough for me. That is why I broke up with her!" Jake says."Besides a girl should be quiet and shy and not talk back. She should be shorter than the boy, because boys protect girls. Of course I could've protected Leah if I wanted to..."_

_A couple of months ago Jake told me and Quil that he is dating Leah, that they are secretly boyfriend and girlfriend. At the time I never doubted the truth of Jakes words. Why would I? Jake is very popular among the girls in our class, and he says he has a lot of experience. He has kissed at least three girls! And he says that he has seen a girl naked! I haven't even held a girl's hand. Leah might be two years older, but, hey! this is Jake we're talking about. I've seen how girls, the older ones too, blush when Jake talks to them. Even the teachers fall for Jake's charms. Jake never does any homework, he just has to smile and wink at Mrs Johnson, Ms Woods, or any of the other female teachers to get off the hook. I really wish I could be more like Jake. He always knows what to say and do, and he knows how to talk to girls. I'm glad he's my friend because he says he's going to teach me how to flirt, even though I already know I'm a hopeless case. _

"_Girls shouldn't play football or baseball, like Leah. She gets sweaty and dirty, and girls should smell good and be clean all the time. Girls should be sitting in the audience watching when I play. And then kiss me afterwards..."_

_Jake told us that him dating Leah has to be a secret, that we couldn't tell any one, because Leah's dad won't allow her to date before she turns sixteen. But now she is openly dating Sam, and she's still fifteen. This and other small factors has made me question Jake's story. It's just not true that Leah has been his girlfriend, but I say nothing. Jake's my friend, and even if I don't agree with what he now says about Leah, I spy something in his eyes that would make it cruel of me to call him out on his lie. So I just listen to the unspoken words coming from his heart telling a story of hurt and jealousy, and say nothing about the angry unfair words coming out of his mouth._

"_Her laugh gets on my nerves, girl's should giggle and not laugh. And she eats too much. Rachel and Rebecca only eat salad, but Leah's always ordering the biggest burger and then she eats mine and Seth's fries too. And she is a really bad kisser. Like the worst! I'm glad I never have to kiss her again in my life, ever again!"_

_And maybe dating Leah really wasn't a lie for Jake, even if it wasn't reality. It was a dream. And now it's being crushed. I have dreams too, dreams that make my heart ache from the pain of knowing they never will come true. But unlike Jake I've always kept my dreams tightly locked in my heart and told no-one except my mom. _

_My mom says it's important to never let go of your dreams even if life takes them away from you, because in your dreams you can have everything you want, and one day your dreams might come true. And even if they don't, you still have the truth of the dreams. I'm not quite sure what she means by that, but I know it has something to do with my mother's and my father's story. _

_I don't like to think about my absent father too much, because it hurts, but I sometimes can't help dreaming about the things I would do with my father, if I had one. I also have dreams about the girl Jake is putting down right now, but these dreams don't make me sad, but happy. And I don't care she's with Sam, because I love when she's happy and smiling! I also know a girl like Leah can never be mine. She's mine only to dream about. This is why I cherish the dreams of Leah the most, because in them she is my friend. She holds my hand as we walk home from school, or I sit next to her on her back-porch in silence and she's smiling. _

"_I don't know why everybody thinks she's hot, because she's not! I've seen really sexy chicks in my car-magazine, much sexier than Leah! She's not even close to my standards, but a lot of boys here have the worst taste. Especially that Sam Uley. Have you heard him talk? He really sounds lame and boring! I don't understand what Leah sees in him!"_

_I hear one of the twins approaching yelling that dinner is ready. Jake doesn't budge. He has demonstratively refused to go anywhere near Leah lately, and she's staying over for dinner tonight, just as I am. "Jake, don't make me come to get you. You know I don't go into the garage, because of the spiders." Becca shouts. This creates some sort of reaction in Jacob, although I'm not sure if I like the look in his eyes. It's the one that usually gets us in trouble. _

_Before I head in I spy Jake crawling around on all four on the floor. I don't want to make Billy, the twins and Leah wait so I go inside. Jake bursts in seconds later, starting to shovel ravioli on his plate, keeping one hand in his pocket. I worry a little about dinner because I know Jake probably will be rude and sullen towards Leah and say insulting things to her. I don't like that! _

_But Jake is unusually quiet, only looking at Leah every now and then from the corner of his eyes. _

_All of a sudden hysterical high-pitched screams that never seems to stop fill my ears. It's Rebecca and Rachel. "Spider! There's a spider on your plate Leah! Get it out, Dad!" Rebecca is panicking._

_Leah starts laughing, eyes twinkling: "My birthday was a while ago, Jake, but it's a really original present. I'll get a terrarium and put it there. Maybe I even name him Jake!" _

_Billy chuckles, and even as he scolds Jake for scaring his sisters, he's still smiling gently at his son, amusement written on his face. A pang of sorrow hits my chest, because there never will be a father scolding me or smiling at me. I suck in a deep breath trying to push the feeling away. My eyes catch sight of the the smiling Leah, a picture that instantly makes the ache go away. Looking at her makes me feel good. _

_She is now carrying the spider by it's leg and putting in a Tupperware container. _

"_What are you doing Leah! Kill it!" Rachel shrieks._

"_Ray, I'm taking it home! I can't throw your brother's present away. That'll hurt his feelings. Besides Seth might like it. I'm going to put it on his face when he's asleep!" Light is dancing in Leah's eyes. "Or I'll drop it under Sam's t-shirt when I'm kissing him!"she giggles._

_Jake's chair flies backwards as he rushes from the table, out of the house, slamming the door behind him with such force the windows rattle._

_He is my friend, so I quickly clear away mine and Jake's plates and thank Billy for the dinner, and head after him._

_I've never seen Jake cry before, but now he's sitting hunched up in the darkest corner of the garage, his head pulled inside his t-shirt:_

"_I-I-I...w-w-want..h-h-her to..be...k-ki-ki-kissing m-m-me...W-w-w-wh-why...d-d-doesn't...s-sh-she w-w-want..to...be...w-w-with....m-me?" He's sobbing._

_I feel miserable not being able to help my best friend. I just sit next to him, close, trying to comfort him by being there with him, hurting together with him._

_How I wish I could fix this! I want my best friend to be happy. Oh, how I wish Jake's dream could have come true! I would trade all my own dreams for Jake to have his dream come true, so he would be happy again._

_**End of flashback**_

After this night Jake started to completely ignore Leah, acting like she never even existed. And after a while he started seeking out other girls, who always were the exact opposite of Leah. Like Bella.

When the unbelievable happened of Sam leaving Leah, I just couldn't comprehend it. How could he _leave her_? It was unfathomable.

And even when I later learned the reason, I still thought Sam was out of his mind breaking up with Leah. That just showed that he _never_ deserved to be with her in the first place! And although I in some ways respected and looked up to Sam as a leader, somewhere deep down I always despised him as a man. Just because I don't have a father to teach me how to behave like a man I still know that a real man should never treat a woman the way Sam treated Leah!

Even if Sam broke up with her, he could've done it in a gentler and more honorable way. In a _much_ kinder way! It made me angry thinking about how heartlessly and selfishly it was done by both Sam and Emily.

After Sam's and Emily's betrayal it was like all life had left Leah and I swear, La Push had fallen into depression with her. Sure enough, it always rained here, but there used to be a inner light emanating from Leah that made the whole reservation shine up, making everything sparkle. Now everything was gray and dark. The clouds never parted for the sun anymore. It was like a never-ending eclipse.

I wished I knew what to do to bring the light back to her. I sat at home trying to come up with ideas of making her feel better. But I was at a loss. I talked to my mom about how I wanted to help Leah, asking her for advice. She told me Leah would need time to heal, and that she would need a good friend, a listener, someone who she could trust and who wouldn't demand anything of Leah. Since mom had her heart broken by my unknown-no-good-sperm-donor for a father, I know she knew exactly what she was talking about. So I decided I somehow would be Leah's friend, and that I would do everything in my power to show her that I could be trusted.

But that wasn't easy at all, because there didn't seem any way for me to reach her. I mean, why would she want me to be her friend? After all she was a _Goddess _and I was...I was...well...I was just Embry. A nobody. From Seth I learned that she kept herself locked up in her room all the time refusing to talk to anyone. When she returned to school she walked around like a ghost, not acknowledging the presence of others other than to pick fights.

When she first phased I was sad for her to have to share the burden of being a wolf, but also secretly excited – that she would be so close to me - in the same pack! I would learn her thoughts, and she would hear all the kind comforting words I had planned to say to her, but never dared. I wished that I now could muster the courage to talk with her. I dreamed of sitting on the beach next to her together with my brothers in the pack laughing and talking.

As it turned out this never happened, instead she seemed to hate all of us – and never passed on an opportunity to show us exactly how much. But most of all she seemed to hate herself. Her thoughts were so dark and filled with so much despair, that I sometimes would lie in my bed and weep for her. She was hurting so bad, and the sunny wonders of her heart were turning black and bitter.

I wished to be able to reach out to her, but my pathetic tries made her cringe with disgust. So I settled on trying to be a friendly and patient companion not thinking about anything when we were in wolf-form.

Nowadays I have finally mastered the art of thinking of nothing while a wolf, but at the time I unfortunately wasn't. I dreamed about putting my arms around her, telling her that everything would be alright. I dreamed about comforting her while she would cry. I wished that I would be able to show her that she still had the most beautiful heart.

Although I struggled hard to hide my dreams and wishes, I wasn't completely successful. It was these fantasies of mine that made me a target of her verbal-attacks. She seemed to hate them _even more _than the sexual fantasies some of the pack-members were having of her.

When I let my mind slip and thought about how wonderful she was and how I loved her, she became down-right vicious. After my slip-up the remorse that had been hidden under the layers of her mean words disappeared. Now it seemed that her words were consciously aimed at wounding me as much as possible. What hurt the most wasn't the nasty things she would say about my mother or me, it was how she saw herself as a _monster_ who didn't deserve to be loved, a monster who had killed her father. She _wanted_ to be punished, to be hated! _Oh Leah._ I wanted to help her so bad. I wanted to be her savior.

I was disappointed at my pack-brothers for their lack of understanding. They showed her no compassion. Occasionally they pitied her, but they also despised her and worst of all, had really crude fantasies about her. They could be thinking about how she was a pathetic whining bitch and then start thinking about having sex with her. Luckily Leah's always been a fighter, so she could put them in their places, making sure they realized what a mistake it was of them to be thinking about her like that.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint or something. I just don't think it's right to treat a girl, especially the one you adore, merely as an object for your lusts. I won't deny that I've dreamed of touching her, imagining my hands being hers caressing my body.

At least I struggle not to give in to images about how it would feel to kiss her, to taste her, to show her with my touch how I love her. This is not the way she needs to be loved right now by me, no matter how much I wish it would be. If I truly love her I have to show it by being a true friend. Asking nothing of her! I'm determined to devote myself to being the best friend she could ever ask for, a friend she can _trust_. I'm trying my best to keep my thoughts on her wonderful person and her amazing heart, instead of on her body and my want for her.

This is why I think of colors: hazel and silver-gray. First I wade in a hazel forest letting it calm and soothe me, driving out the arousal from my body. The hazel feels warm and gentle, like a friend holding your hand, walking you home when your lost. After a while I step out of the hazel and plunge into a sea of silver-rays until I feel myself floating towards the skies, and then there it is! A blinding light, so sharp, so piercing, filling me with such happiness I feel like I'm flying. It is the sun! The sun has finally returned. It shines through my entire being, lighting my mind, warming my heart, filling my soul.

This is when I make an oath: _I'll be your eyes, your hands, your strength._

_I'll be everything you need. I'll be everything you want me to be. _

_I love you Leah!_


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Alias**

LPOV:

We have been doing this for three weeks now, me and Embry. Every time I become more and more certain that I made the right decision inviting Embry to this mission of mine. We have found a routine. I meet up with him a little outside of La Push, on one of the back-roads never used, waiting in my car for him to show up. I've thought of several explanations if someone should catch us together, from me just giving him a lift, to that we actually are heading out together because after all we are friends. He often just pretends that he is grounded on the nights we protect the city. This is a good one since everybody remembers how Embry used to be grounded all the time. Now that he is in Jake's pack Embry doesn't do as much night-patrolling, and Ms Call has given up trying to get his son to stay home. Not that she doesn't care anymore, she has just changed tactics since the grounding didn't work, but this isn't anything that needs to be advertised to others, it's a valid reason for him to be unavailable, a reason that serves our purpose.

"We should have cool aliases and leave a business-card, maybe wear masks too." I joke as we scan one of the streets leading to the rougher parts of the docklands, the area we have decided to focus on tonight. The streets are mostly deserted, dead, but you never know. I walk a few steps ahead of Embry.

He chuckles: "What do you have in mind? Wolfprincess and Superwolf?"

To my infinite surprise I hear myself giggle. I never giggle. I try to compose myself. "More like Superwolf and Wolfboy, in case you don't want to be called Wolfprincess." I say looking back at him.

At the name of Wolfboy something I can't read flickers past his eyes, but it's gone before I see what it is.

"Jake used to call himself Wolfboy as a kid." he says looking at me.

I remember that! Jake was always telling the most ridiculous stories about Wolfboy. I have to remember to tease him about that. I, Rachel and Rebecca even joined them in playing Jake's wolfgame a couple of times, me being a princess and Jake the heroic Wolfboy coming to save me. Too bad I didn't need to be saved, instead me and the twins captured all of the boys, and tied them to a tree. I laugh out loud remembering this.

"Alright, you get to be Superwolf, I think I'm gonna call myself The Protector instead. Princess and me are two things that don't fit together." I laugh. I never was a princess, always was the tomboy. Princess-games were for girls like Emily, or the likes of Bella Swan for that matter.

He smiles back at me. "You could be called..." he stops mid-sentence, blushing furiously mumbling something incoherent.

I get curious. Embry often looks like he wants to say things but then shies away. He has always done that ever since he was a kid. He was always so quiet and then said the sweetest things when he finally opened his mouth.

"I could be called what?" I demand turning around walking backwards.

"It...it... it was nothing..." he seem to get uncomfortable.

"Embry!" I command "I want to hear it!"

"It was just...it was... just stupid...something I used to think of you when we were kids." he mutters.

Oh, now I'm really curious. I want to hear what he is going to say. I'm about to stop in my tracks and force him to say it, when a sickly smell hits me coming from a dark alley.

"Embry! Do you smell that?!"

"Leech!" he growls.

This is a new situation for us. Prior we've concentrated on all-human crimes, but I have been waiting for the next step in our crime-fighting. It's looking me in the face right now!

"Let's track it!" I decide.

The scent is fresh and strong. Just one bloodsucker. Good! Otherwise I would have hesitated in making the decision of following it, when we are still so new to this city-protecting, when there is only the two of us. I smell humans too, nearby. Not good! We have to hurry.

Like one mind we break into a run. All my senses are concentrated on this one sickly sweet smell, on listening, on feeling, on seeing.

Before the next turn I've already heard it, sensed it, tasted it in the air. I know what we will meet. Humans, two of them, maybe three, and a leech. The metallic smell of blood tells me we are late – too late! But one is still alive, one with a a frantic heartbeat, one who still gasps for air, one who is pleading or praying, I don't know which: "Please, please. God please!"

"Phase!" I order Embry, as I strip my summer dress off, never breaking my run. As soon as it is over my head I'm already a wolf flying through the air.

As one mind we see the scene laid out before us. A leech feeding on a human. For him it is too late, but there is another man. Still alive, still un-bleeding, still un-bit. This one we can save! His eyes widen even more at the sight of us, the fear in them intensifying, if that's even possible.

Before the leech has had time to react my teeth sink into his arm tearing, trying to pull him off balance, down so that Embry can access his neck better.

"_Bite!"_ I think, or is it Embry thinking this? And then I feel how his teeth sink into the leeches neck, crunching, tearing the head off. "_Kill!" _We think in unison as we continue to rip, concentrating on this, on taking the danger out. But my thoughts, our thoughts, our senses are at the same time scanning, analyzing the surroundings. _"Too late...", "One saved!", "Not fast enough...not good enough..."_ Our thoughts, our feelings intertwining, becoming one, impossible to distinguish mine from Embry's right now through the adrenaline rush, but my mind already knows which ones are mine and which are Embry's.

"_Not much of a fight."_ I send my thought towards Embry, and I feel his relief. A muffled thought, but I still understand parts of it: _"...not hurt!"_ A sensible thought, a thought coming from my sidekick who is relived _we_ didn't get hurt. I feel relief too, but mostly failure. Failure... This is why I would have hoped for a harder fight, a fight that would have driven this feeling of failure out of my body by pushing it to its limits. There is a dead man lying on the street! We were too late for him! I wasn't good enough! I know this is the truth, but I keep my thoughts under control now that we inspect our work.

"_We need to burn it!"_ I project.

To phase back in front of this man, although scared out of his mind isn't a good idea, isn't a safe idea! But we need to be human to burn the leech, and one of us has to take care of this chocked man. _"Let's carry the body parts into that abandoned building"_ I project the image of a building we passed just some minutes before stumbling into this situation. _"Then one of us runs back in human form to take care of him"_ I order.

I leave Embry to make sure the bloodsucker is burned properly and no traces are left of it and rush back to the alley fully clothed.

The man is still lying there, wide-eyed, clearly falling into chock. Teeth clattering, mumbling incoherently: "...blood...dead...wolves..." as his eyes fixate on the dead man, on the blood, on the horror of the scene.

"Sir!" I try to get his attention. "I'm here to help you. Look at me!" I try to get him to break his gaze from the body.

"Are you hurt?" I start to scan his body, making sure he isn't bit, although I already know he isn't, but I must make certain of the fact. There is nothing, and he doesn't seem to have any other physical injury either. He could have run, but then probably not. I've seen deer caught in the headlights, paralyzed with fear. That is what this man is – paralyzed with fear... I put my arms around him, trying to keep him warm before his body temperature drops too low, trying to comfort him, trying to tell him that he is alive.

Then Embry is back. Making a call with the cell-phone I've bought for these missions, the one that can't be traced to me or anybody connected with me. My own I have left in my car. "And the body?" I ask looking at Embry.

"They won't be able to tell, it doesn't expose us in any way and normal people don't believe in vampires, the police won't either." he says so quiet only someone with supernatural hearing can hear.

"We leave before they come. It's best this time, there is no explanation to why we are here at this hour. We leave when we hear them coming." I tell him. It is for the best. There is nothing more we can do here.

We wait until we hear the sound of police cars, still very far away. Then we start to leave. Somehow the man seems to snap out of his state a little. He looks at me, looks and looks. Just looks. "Angel. You are an angel" he finally says.

- - - - - - - -- - -- - - -- -

We are sitting in my car parked on the small back road leading to the reservation where I usually drop Embry off. Somehow this dropping off has turned out to be some sort of a therapy session for me.

Embry turns to look at me, eyes soft. "That's what I was going to suggest for your alias."

"What?" I don't get it.

"Angel" he smiles now. "You could call yourself 'The angel'" he whispers looking at me.

I bark out a laugh. "Me?! An angel!? I'm nothing like an angel. You know that Embry! Don't say you thought I was like an angel when you were a kid?!" The failure I've felt, the disappointment at not being to save the other man slowly disappearing by this ridiculous thought of me being an angel.

"Do you ever feel... I just sometimes feel like I'm a little lost, adrift. I used to be so sure of who I was, but now I just sometimes really don't know anymore." I don't know what it is but I once again find myself opening up, talking with Embry in a way I haven't talked with anyone post-wolf. Somehow the way Embry listens makes me feel like I could tell him things I've not even really voiced for myself.

"Sometimes I feel like I've let everyone down...But this is who I am" I say gesturing towards myself "...and maybe it isn't that bad?" I ask. "I don't know Embry...I guess I'm just...Just forget it..." I mutter shrugging my shoulders.

Embry sits in silence for a while, pondering, staring out the window at the rain pouring down.

"Leah." he says lifting his eyes to mine. "You haven't let anyone down. Just make sure you don't let yourself down by thinking that who you are isn't enough, because it is _more_ than enough Lee. Your demanding so much of yourself, too much. Why don't you cut yourself some slack?" he asks sounding determined, maybe even a little forceful.

"Who you are hasn't really changed Leah. I think you just have forgotten who you are. You have always kept trying. Even when it's been hard. I don't know anybody like you." he continues. There isn't anything resembling pity or judgment in his eyes. It feels sincere.

A smile is dancing on his face, his eyes tender."I... This is probably gonna sound lame...but as a kid..." he blushes, turning his gaze down to his hands. "Leah, I used to...I used to think...I... It ...It made my day when you talked to me. It made me feel like I was somebody, that I was special..." he stutters wringing his hands in a way I remember him doing as a kid. And then his hands still and his eyes are back to mine, as he whispers so softly I'm not sure I hear it at all: "It still does, Leah."

And for the first time in ages I don't do what I have been doing if someone says something nice to me. I don't lash out and I don't belittle Embry's words. Instead I believe them and then say two words I almost forgotten: "Thank you." And I mean them in a way I never meant those two words before in my life. _Thank you Embry. _

This is the first time I _really see Embry Call _I think. I always have just seen him as being there, a kind-hearted quiet soul, but now as I watch him it is like he is three things at once. The memory of a shy kid I always wanted to hug because he was so heartbreakingly adorable. The promise of a man: strong yet sensitive, caring and wise. Then this present quiet sweet blushing boy-man who says all these things that makes me feel good about myself, makes me fell confident, whole. If Embry's words are true about me, that I am too hard on myself, they sure go for Embry too. Because if I make him feel like he is somebody, his words makes me feel like I'm somebody special too.

"That was the best compliment I've ever got in my life. You make me remember how I used to feel about myself. You make me feel special too! Thank you Embry." I smile.

"I'll drop you off at your house." I tell him before I go all mushy on him.

"And if someone sees us coming together?" he asks quietly, smiling brightly. It feels wrong to send him out in the rain after this, even if it wouldn't take him too long to run home from here.

"It's pouring and it's 5.30 on a Sunday morning, so I doubt anybody will be up. Who will see us? Seth and the pups will sleep through an earthquake. Trust me, I've tried to wake them up, it's impossible." I laugh. "And if someone in Sam's pack sees us they probably think we've been patrolling on Cullen land and just gotten off our shift. Otherwise we just stick to the story of us going clubbing to Seattle together, there's nothing weird with that. We're friends."

He nods with the sweetest smile on his face.

I'm about to start the car when a rustle in the woods causes us both to tense up. Before we see anything the passenger door flies open with such force I'm sure it must have come off it's hinges. It's Jake! For some unknown reason he seems furious, his body shaking, rippling water.

He just stares at us, not saying a word, silently shaking, the shakes slowly dying out, but still tangible under the surface. He looks like he is about to implode. He stares and stares and stares. And I stare right back, too surprised, too tired to think of anything witty to say.

"What are you doing in Leah's car?" he finally opens his mouth as he glares at Embry.

"I..." Embry starts.

"We are talking. What does it look like to you Jake?" I sigh.

"You're sitting in a car in the middle of nowhere _talking _at the break of dawn!" His words a lethal growling. I almost expect Jake to bare his teeth. If I didn't know better I would've thought Jake and Embry were mortal enemies and not the best of friends.

"We're having secret meetings with vampires trying to plan a mutiny overthrowing you Oh-high-and-mighty-asshole" My voice dripping with sarcasm as I roll my eyes. "What the hell are you doing here yourself acting like you're on a fucking warpath?! Have you been taking drugs, I hear they fuck up your brain." I yell loosing my composure.

Jake ignores me, which pisses me off even more. "Why are you in Leah's car?!" he demands of Embry, breathing hard, nostrils widening. Raging bull is what comes to my mind, a bull waiting for the red cloth to be waved in front of his eyes, waiting for a reason to attack. Must be the Alpha-steroids...

"We were just talking. We've been to Seattle." Embry says calmly, looking Jake firmly in the eye. But I can see the hair on Embry's arms is standing straight up.

"Seattle." Jake says slowly pronouncing every syllable, voice dark and dangerously low.

Embry doesn't seem faced off. I'm surprised. He is the picture-boy of coolness right now. Ice to the fire in Jacob, to the fire I'm feeling. I'm shaking quite visibly now.

"Leah offered me to come with her. I've been lonely." Embry adds quietly.

Jake's eyes narrow, searching Embry's face, then mine.

"Fine. Sorry to interrupt your girl-talk." he snarls. "Embry, I need you to run patrol with me. Get out and phase!" He commands stalking away, not leaving any room for discussions.

"What the hell is so important so he has to patrol right now, your highness?" I shout after him starting to get out of the car myself, but then I feel Embry's hand on my arm.

"It's alright Leah" he softly says.

I cast a wary look at Embry. He just nods his head, not releasing my arm until I shut my door again and sit back in my seat.

"I enjoyed talking with you Leah, as always. Thank you." he whispers as he steps out and follows Jake.

I hear a faint shimmer telling me that both now are in wolf-form.

Fuck, I think as I gun the engine. "Fuck, fuck, fuck" I mutter. I just hope Embry is able to hold the story together, the one we rehearsed the first night we started, the one created for emergencies like this. A club, me offering Embry to come with me because he has nothing better to do, having a nice time, but nothing too special, drinking some, but not too much, music, blinking lights, people, talking about nothing special. I know Embry can pull it off, but I never pictured us being questioned as wolves. Somehow I know Jake will want every detail of our supposed night of clubbing. This quietly raging Jake is something that makes me feel unsure, angry, insecure. It's a Jacob I never encountered before. What the hell is his problem?

- - - - - -- - - - -- - - - - - - -

**AN: Sorry took me a while to write this... **

**Jake's POV coming up soon, probably next chapter or the one after that.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: A fire that will never burn out**

**JPOV**

The second he phases I attack his mind. Aggressively, too aggressively... I know...but it is not like it's uncalled for! He owes me an explanation!

Because Embry is a lying son of a bitch!

_Liar! _

_Embry is fucking a liar! _

_Embry lied to me! _

My mind has chanted this, over and over again as I waited for them to reappear for _HOURS_ in the fucking rain.

For how long? For how long have I've been deceived? For how long has he been sneaking away with Leah, my...my Beta?

Do they think I'm blind? Stupid? That I haven't noticed the looks that have been cast between the two of them for the past weeks, like they are sharing something, something only they know about.

Leah is _my _Beta. She should be sharing secrets with me, having looks like that with _me_!

* * *

Last night I really wanted to talk to Leah, only to find her missing yet again. Seth claimed she was out clubbing.

When the hell did she start going out like that, almost every third night? What's wrong with the pack's company? _My _company?

With the person I needed, no _wanted_ to talk to missing I went to the next best thing. Embry. He had told everyone that he was grounded. What else was new? I decided it would be time to let his mom know about him being a shapeshifter, so he would be released from this ever on going grounding, only to find out that he wasn't at home! He lied. Why?! Embry has never lied before. To _anyone_! And now he had lied to _me_!

I called him. No answer.

Where the hell was he? Why the fuck was he lying? It made no sense!

I ran the entire perimeter, I ran over Sam's territory trying to find any trace of Embry. And sure enough, I could find Embry's fresh scent on one of the old trails through the woods leading to the outskirts of Sam's territory, to no-mans land. There, on one of the back-roads leading nowhere in particular was, not just Embry's scent, but Leah's as well! A scent disappearing into the smell of gasoline – paired with wheel tracks. Leah's car... I know her wheel tracks anywhere. I'm her mechanic.

They had gone somewhere together? Embry with Leah? What?! Why?!

I couldn't think of a single _good_ reason for why Embry is with Leah in secret! For why he is lying to his Alpha! Lying to his best friend!

Doesn't this give me the right to do what I'm doing?

Yes it does!

* * *

Embry's thoughts aren't as blank as they usually are. He wants me to see this?! Or is he afraid of me? He damn right should be! Lying like that..

I dig mercilessly into Embry's thoughts and find a memory of Leah, sitting on his sofa.

When did Leah start to visit him? I don't like that. She _NEVER_ visits me!

'_I wanted to ask you something, you want to come to Seattle with me?' _memory-Leah is asking and I notice her hand on his asking this question. Holding his hand!

It's obvious Embry is trying to push something away, something he doesn't want me to see. He thinks he can hide something from me? Let's see about that! But I forget to dissect this any further as soon as I snatch a hold of some other words Embry is trying to keep from me, coming from Leah's soft lips:_ 'I trust you.'_

She trusts _HIM_!

What's wrong with_ trusting ME? _

A burning white heat surges through me instantly, so furiously that Embry's hackles stand up.

I scan on without acknowledging my aggressive behavior. Why should I? Its not like he doesn't deserve this kind of treatment! _He _is the one who lied to _me_!

Then Embry's memory is of a car ride, feeling of excitement. Leah in a summer dress - looking gorgeous! I growl, Embry shouldn't be looking at her _like that_! _Thinking of her like that_!

A quick change into a picture of Leah dancing to blazing music. But something is off with this image.

Doesn't he think I recognize a fantasy of Leah when I see one?! I have had plenty myself, although they are a bit, no, a lot more graphic than Embry's dance-fantasy. Is he for real?! He fantasizes about Leah dancing? I almost laugh because it's so typical Embry to be a fucking gentleman even in his fantasizes... Or...GOD DAMMIT! Is this a cover-up for some other scene, a scene he wants to keep from me? Is the bastard trying to hide something?! Has he put his hands around her while dancing? Is this what he is hiding? Has he touched her?!

I don't even notice my teeth are bared and I'm snarling until Embry lowers his head. His mental pictures changes instantly.

They are now talking in the car, words coming from Leah that I want to know, need to know, but this is when Embry directs his thoughts straight towards me, for the first time acknowledging what I am doing in his mind: "Jake, I can't betray what Leah said, it was in confidence, its not for me to tell."

WHAT THE FUCK?!! Leah tells Embry things she won't tell _ME_!

I want to put an Alpha command on Embry demanding he reveals all. I don't. For a brief hundred of a second I contemplate it, but am able to control myself, enough to make me think better of it. I back off, but I feel in my gut that something is amiss, something is held back, something is not as it should be!

Embry is my friend I remind myself, he is my friend...friend. This little voice in my heart that my fury stifled moments ago, grows stronger and stronger, making it impossible for me to ignore the truth in my heart. Embry is my friend, has always been, will always be. He won't hurt me like that, stealing my heart away from me! He won't... He won't! Right?

But I'm not going to apologize for what I was doing in his mind. Hell no! I won't even admit it. But we both know, just like how I know the secret of his heart, like he knows mine.

* * *

Embry's mind might always be a mystery for the rest of the packs, but I see the same signs he showed as a kid around his "Angel"_. _The blushing, the stuttering, the glowing of his face when she is near, how he hangs on to her every word - trying not to show it. But it is written all over his face what her smile, looks, words do to him, the secret invisible mark of "his angel"tattooed all over his heart, showing on his face.

I never thought much of his secret crush, I didn't care, because he was just Embry and she was Leah Clearwater and I was Jacob Black! But now...now...Leah with him...I don't understand... She should...

Could there be something in Embry that she is looking for? It's not like I'm not aware of the great qualities in Embry, and maybe, maybe Leah wants that after what Sam did to her? Embry would never hurt her, would be incapable of it. If Embry was to be trapped by this motherfucking curse I know he might just do what Sam couldn't.

I don't respect Sam at all, Embry I do respect, because I suspect if he could be with his Angel - which he never is going to be! - he would never ever leave her for _THIS_. Embry would rather hurt himself to the point of killing himself, before hurting _his _"Angel".

God dammit! Leah isn't an _Angel_, definitely not _his_ angel! She is _my_ fucking WARRIOR-PRINCESS!

If she wants to sit in a car at 5.30 am opening up her heart it should be with me, her Alpha!

Right?! I mean, that is what Beta's should do. Confide in their Alpha's!

Leah should go out with _me_, talk with _me_, laugh with _me_, dance with _me_!

What is wrong with trusting me?

Why hasn't she turned to me? Asked me to come with her? Talk with her? Listen to her? Dance with her? Touch her?

I want to do that for her! What has Embry got that I don't have? It's not...Leah is...Embry...NO!

I had a plan! A good one. Her becoming my Beta...well that was just the first step on the way...

We were slowly growing closer in the first months of our renegade pack. We shared our thoughts and emotions with each other. She opened up parts of her heart and I started to open up mine, parts I had closed on one of the worst day of my life five years ago.

***Flashback ***

I have counted down the months for an entire year now, marking them on the calender in the garage. There is only two months and eleven days left until Leah turns sixteen. I know she will have a big birthday party, she always has, and I have the best gift for her ever!

I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend!

I close my eyes and drift off, the noises of the school cafeteria becoming a comfortable buzz in the background.

_Leah will appear at the top of the stairs in a white summer dress, the one she had on last year on Rebecca's and Rachel's sweet sixteen. The one that made her boobs and legs show much better than the jeans and tops she wears to school.I like that dress! And when I threw a water-balloon on her it became see-through!  
_

_Her black hair will fan behind her as she dances down the stairs. Her eyes glisten looking at me, her soft pink lips smiling at me! I will hug her tight, squeezing her body to mine – maybe even feeling her boobs press against me! Oh yeah! _

_Then I will tell her that I have a surprise gift for her, but that she can only get it if she follows me outside. She will grab my hand, and pull me outside. When we are alone I will run my fingers through her hair, she'll sigh and close her eyes and then I'll kiss her! _

_After we have kissed for a while I will ask her to be my girlfriend and she will beam happily saying: 'Oh Jake, I wanted you to ask me for so long!' and we will kiss again. She will say that this is her best birthday ever and I am her best birthday gift! Then we will walk in together holding hands and everybody will be jealous of me because I'm the one dating Leah!_

I open my eyes. There she is! My Princess! She is standing in the cafeteria line smiling and waving. I wave back, but she doesn't seem to see it... Huh? She wasn't waving to me?

Maybe she is waving to Becca or Rach? I turn my head and look behind me.

But no, it's a guy. Ugh, I know that one. It's Uley. He gets a stupid grin on his face, a grin I really would like to wipe away. He gets up and...

What?! What is he doing? He is hugging her?!

"Aw Leah and Sam are like the perfect couple." I hear one of the girls to my right say looking dreamy-eyed.

"What are you talking about?!" I hiss glaring at her.

"Oh! It's so romantic, you know, they were on a date on Friday and he's like crazy about her!"

I can't believe what I'm hearing. It's obvious this is just another piece of untrue gossip!

"Leah isn't allowed to date until she turns sixteen!" I tell the gossiping girl hoping this will shut her trap and keep her from coming up with lies about my girl!

"Yeah, but you know Leah! If she wants to do something she makes sure she can do it. She got her mom to convince her dad that she could start dating! And Sam Uley, he is so cool. He's like the most popular guy. I wish I was Leah!" she sighs not letting go of her lies. Sam Uley is not cool!

"Liar!" I wheeze to her and push out of my seat. I will sort this out! She is not dating Uley and Harry would never let her, when he knows that I want to date her. He told me that she can't date until she is sixteen and Harry is a man of his words! I know that!

I stalk up to the still stupidly grinning Uley and Leah, who is smiling for an unknown reason. He still has his fingers touching her waist. He can't touch her like that! Harry will kill him if he knows! Leah should punch him in the face for that! I could do it! I will do it if he doesn't take his hands off her!

"Leah!" I greet shooting a murderous glare at Uley. "I need to talk to you!" I say and grab Leah's hand pulling her out of Uley's sweaty grip.

"Jake! What are you doing?"

"It's important! We have to talk NOW!" I command and tug her towards me again trying to drag her out in to the hallway. She lets out a laugh and turns to Uley: "I'll talk to you later."

"So what's so important?" she asks as we step out into the deserted hallway.

"There are rumors spread about you!" I start. And the way she is acting those rumors will just get worse! She has to stop smiling and talking to Uley!

"Really?" she asks looking a little curious. "Like what?"

"Like you're dating Sam Uley!"

Leah giggles. "Isn't it amazing! He asked me out last week and I got mom and dad to let me go out with him and now we are together!" she squeals.

What?!!

"It's true?" I whisper. I must have heard wrong. She is probably kidding me, trying to make me jealous, so I will tell her that I love her and want to go out with her! That must be it!

"Yes!" she nods. "Oh Jake! I really like him! We had so much fun on the date, it was like the perfect date!" she smiles.

It was not! I wasn't there, how could it be perfect when it wasn't me and her?! I feel furious. If this is her way of testing my love it's not a fun test at all.

"Lee! I want to be your boyfriend!" I say.

"Jake... You're just a kid, you're three years younger than me. I'm fifteen and you're twelve. We can't date!" Now her voice is soft and pitying. She sounds just like my sisters when they tell me I'm too young to do something. I'm not!

"I'm not a kid! And Sam is too old for you. He is two years older, so that means he is too old if I'm too young when I'm three years younger! You don't have to try to make me jealous anymore. We can go on a date tomorrow! It will be much better than your date with him!"

This is my moment! I press my lips against her in a perfect kiss. It feels so good! My heart pounds furiously and it's hard to breath. I moan. Leah's hands shoot up against my shoulders pushing me.

I pull my head away smiling towards my Princess. But she isn't smiling towards me... Huh?

"Jake! What are you doing!" she shrieks. "I just told you I have a boyfriend and you do something crazy like this." Wh..what... But it was a perfect kiss!

"You can't go out with him! I'm much better for you. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to date you!" I shout.

"But I DON'T want to date YOU!" she yells in my face and suddenly I can't breathe anymore and it hurts. It feels like my chest is ripped apart! I gasp for air and my eyes sting.

"I'm sorry Jake!" I hear her whisper and try to touch me, but I push her away and run, run, run out from the school, out in to the woods, out into the blistening cold snow storm!

She doesn't want to date me...She doesn't want to date me... She doesn't want me...

It's not fair!

I love her!

Why doesn't she love me? WHY?!!

I want her to love me back!

It hurts so bad!

***End of flashback ***

The day she told me NO, the day _she_ broke _my heart is _forever etched in my mind, haunting me in my nightmares.

Becoming closer in our renegade pack she told me about the feeling of being in someones head and hear how they love someone else. Hell, yeah I knew exactly what that's like!

I talked about loosing the love of my life to someone else not deserving her, of being second best, or not even that. She thought I talked of Bella. Yea, sure... Bella...

Even though I hurt from Bella it was nothing compared to how my heart broke when she chose Sam over and over and over again. I mean, Bella...she was nothing like the burning fever of Leah. Bella felt like a safe bet. Soft and shy and therefore incapable of hurting me... I thought... Friendship, turned slowly into a dream of love, of something safe, something where I would be the strong one, healing my own heart by fixing hers. I liked how she admired me, how she lsitend to me, how she talked of me like I was her savior. It made me feel strong!

I tried to enrage Leah with images of my love for Bella, make her jealous. I wanted her to come begging me to love her again. She never did. I was such a fool! I hated how she still seemed to feel things that Sam never ever deserved. I wanted to take a hold of her and shake her for still thinking about that undeserving son of the bitch! I didn't want to hear her thoughts of memories of him, of missing him, of hurting for things he had done.

She never ever thought about me like that, of missing my friendship, of missing me, of wanting me! I wanted her to want me! Being in her head and finding no trace of the emotions and memories I hoped for for me was the worst feeling ever! Even worse than that day so long ago. It was like I never meant anything to her at all! Had she never loved me? All those years...did she just think I was a dumb kid?! How could she not see?! Why wasn't I good enough for her? Didn't she see how I would've done anything to be with her? How I did everything to be with her?

How could Leah not know?! How could she not know how my heart broke...

Why doesn't she still see it? Why doesn't she feel it now?

The fever? How it still burns, blazes, ravishes me?

I thought it had burnt out, leaving after it just a pile of ashes, gray dust, instead of a heart. I was wrong! A fire like that doesn't burn out – _EVER_.

The embers just are waiting to burst a flame again, and I can feel the heat licking up my spine. I have felt it slowly taking oxygen, waiting... The flames whispering inside me, waiting to combust into raw heat, waiting to ignite, waiting for a spark, any spark:

_HER NAME. HER EYES. HER SCENT. HER SKIN. HER HEART._

A spark threatening to spread into the wildfire I know would have me a blaze again, and this time it will burn until there is nothing left.

I would gladly burn as long as Leah was in the flames with me!

I thought my plan would work out so great... Why is there a barrier between us now? What has changed?

Fuck, I know what it is! But its not like _THAT _is my fault! Shouldn't she be standing by me, telling me to break _IT_! Doesn't she remember what I told her before _IT _happened? That I never wanted _IT_! Doesn't she remember? Doesn't she understand that I need her help to motherfucking break _IT_ off!

Does she think I enjoy being made a slave? How can she not see how I'm trashing and pulling against the chains?

I would break the shackles for her. I would! I can do it! But I want her to ask me to. Why doesn't she ask me? _Ask me Leah!_

_I swear I'll find a way around it. I will for you Leah!_

* * *

**AN: Took me a while, lots of stuff to do and I also really struggled with this. I'm not too happy with it, but here it is anyway...**


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Jake's brilliant plan**

What happened when Jake came upon us on the dirt road last weekend I still haven't got a clear picture of. Somehow I and Embry haven't had a minute of time alone ever since. Jake, Quil, Seth and the cubs always around, everywhere! Jake and the cubs practically plastered to me.

Finally Jake had left to see his dad and his imprint late last night, after endless hours of annoying the hell out of me, laying on the couch, being in my way, getting the cubs try to act-up – not that they got anywhere with that kind of behavior - and – can you believe it! – actually spending one night on our couch! Didn't he have a home of his own?!

Seth naturally was very excited that Jacob slept on our couch, starting to talk about how cool it would be if Jake moved in with us. Cool?! I don't think so! What is cool about having to be met by your Alpha in boxers in your kitchen in the morning with dishes everywhere – mostly due to him - and his clothes spread out all over the living room floor? It was very annoying how he would not put clothes on all morning, flaunting off his body in that smug self-conceited way. And I was NOT checking him out, whatever he was trying to claim! I got so angry I had to stomp into my room before I strangled him in front of the cubs. I almost turned back when I heard the smirk in his voice as he loudly started to tell the cubs how anger in a woman is her way to try to hide the attraction she feels towards a guy. As if! I seriously fear that Fred and Jonas will become impossible soon because of all the nonsense Jake fills their heads with!

Today with Seth being on patrol and Quil off to see Claire I will make sure I get my chance to finally talk to Embry without the risk of being overheard!

As soon as I am able to get the cubs out of their beds – and believe me that is a struggle - and on their way to summer school, something I had made them attend since they had missed so much of their classes ever since they phased, I rush over to Embry's.

"Embry!" I greet as I step in through the door. I'm met with his shy gentle smile. It makes me smile too.

Embry is ironing and folding laundry. I think it's endearing how he always seems to do a lot of chores at home. My mum never got me to iron or fold laundry without having to nag and nag and then nag some more and watch me do it, or else I would've just cheated away from it. I bet Embry's mom never has to nag to get him to help out at home.

"I thought we never get time to talk alone!" I'm anxious to find out what Jake has or hasn't found out.

"I know..." Embry quietly agrees a lope-sided smile on his face. "You want me to fix you something to eat?" he asks sounding enthusiastic setting down the iron, eyes wide and elated.

I shake my head, but truth to be told I wouldn't mind to have some of Embry's amazing cooking, but it's not right for me to waltz in expecting to be treated like a princess just because he always is far too nice towards everyone...

"You need help?" I offer, although I hate folding laundry, but Embry is always helping me with my chores, so the least I can do is to return the favor.

"You don't have to Leah, I can do it later..." But I start helping him despite his protests.

"So what did Jake want?! What did he say? He was behaving weirdly... I mean the only reason must be he suspects something, right?!" I start.

Embry shuffles his feet and his posture gets a little tense. "Leah...I...He...He didn't... I mean he hasn't found out about our crime-fight." he tells me looking slightly uncomfortable.

"That's great, you're so good at keeping your thoughts to yourself Embry!" I tell him sighing from relief having it confirmed that Jake does not know.

"So what did he ask? What did you tell him?" I need to know everything so I know how we have to behave in the future so Jake will never find out.

"He wanted to know why I was with you..." Embry starts his voice wavering a little.

"Yes of course! Jake always wants to know everything. He has always been nosy, sticking his nose into everybody else's business, ever since he was a kid! But what does he suspect? I mean why was he so angry?" Knowing Jake I figured that he wouldn't be mad if there wasn't a reason for it in his mind, however stupid that reason might have been. He suspects _something_, I'm sure of it. Maybe he is thinking I will turn Embry into some sort of evil bitch, like me! Ha!

For some odd reason I get the feeling that Embry is trying to avoid answering this question. I put my hand on his shoulder to get him to look me in the eyes.

"Embry..." I say my voice softer. "Do you know why he was behaving like that?"

Embry gulps and his skin feels even hotter than our abnormally heated werewolf temperature usually does, his eyes closing as soon as my hand landed on him.

He starts opening his mouth, when I hear something rustling outside the kitchen window, a noise that makes me go on full alert.

Before a blink of an eye I'm out through the back door.

To my infinite surprise I am met with the sight of the cubs ducking under the kitchen window. What the..?! Jonas has my dad's old tape recorder in his hands and Fred is carrying Jake's video camera. _What the hell? And what on earth are they wearing? _

_S_unglasses on another very VERY cloudy La Push-day, Jonas with a hat that looks just like Old Quil's and Fred is sporting my dad's old trench coat, which by the way is too big for him, despite Fred's recent growth spurt. They look absolutely ridiculous. And just way too cute, I must add, but I'm seriously pissed now. This was my chance to discuss what Jake might or might not suspect about our trip. And they are supposed to be in summer school! The boys skipping school is NOT happening on my watch.

"Hand me that camera." I say in a lethal tone, my voice low and commanding.

Fred gives it to me with shaking hands, both boys making pitiful whimpering noises... I ignore them and press play.

The camera monitor fills with images of..._ME_! As if I wasn't pissed off before, what I see on the tape certainly makes me! This seems to be Leah Clearwater up close and personal. They have followed my every step since I assumed I've been alone this morning.

And guess what parts of my body they were zooming?! Those dirty-minded little pervs! It's obvious they have been hanging out way too much with my Alpha corrupting their innocent minds! There is no other explanation to how they have become so twisted otherwise.

"What. The. Hell. Is. This?" The anger is oozing from every pore.

None of the two boys dare to meet my gaze, and Jonas is actually trying to hide under the trench-coat Fred is wearing.

"YOU BETTER ANSWER ME!" I bellow.

"We are spies..." Fred finally whimpers.

Embry who has stepped out after me starts chuckling.

_Spies?!_ Spies my ass! The only thing they have been spying on seems to be my ass...

When I'm through with these two I'm gonna make Sue Clearwater seem like a Sunday school teacher!

Before I have time to start on my murderous rampage Fred starts sobbing and clings to my wait hugging me.

"We're sorry Leah! Sorry!" the pathetic little puppy whines. "Please, don't be mad... We'll do the dishes the entire week. We'll be good! We _LOVE YOU _Leah!"

"Yeah! We'll be so good! We won't listen to Jake _EVER AGAIN_!" Jonas pipes in, trying to hug me too.

I'm not used to be shown this kind of downright affection and sobbing kids always get to my heart. This is a trick Seth has used on me on many an occasion. And I've fallen for it every time... My head spins, trying to process some other part of information as well. 'We won't listen to Jake.' _Jake!_ How the hell does he fit into this equation?! I try shaking my head to clear it.

Then I get it! Jacob Black is always glorifying skipping school, he does that to annoy me, since he knows how I used to love school and he is immature enough to think school don't get you anywhere... That must be it! The pups must have gotten the idea of skipping school from him!

And spying on me? That might just be another thing Jake has inspired the boys to do. I clearly remember hearing from Rebecca and Rachel how Jake had been making money back in middle school by charging his class-mates for the chance to peer through a key-hole into the girls locker room. He has probably told about his ingenious way of earning money to the boys, thus leading them to this! The cubs have been begging me to buy a new DVD-player ever since the old one broke, but I told them they had to save up for a new one themselves since they were the one who broke it anyways. This must be their stupid way of making money by selling a video tape of close ups of my body to their equally perverted little friends! What the hell is wrong with boys? What is wrong with delivering papers these days?

I hope Jacob has not shown them any of his adult magazines. Not that I know if he owns any, but hey, it's Jake we are talking about! I bet that Jake prior imprinting must have been into porn, because I remember graphic x-rated fantasizes that I was assaulted with running patrol with him in the early days. Hell, most of the idiots I was forced to associate with, being hormone driven teenage boys, thought of little else besides sex, but at least I had ways of shutting them all up, everyone except for Jake that is. Jake got more and more annoying in his visuals of Bella in various sex-positions. It was like he was purposely thinking about that just to piss me off! His fantasies were not like the ones you would expect from someone madly in love, I mean I get thinking of having sex with the person you are in love with, and having heard the boys thoughts I know a lot of them have to do with boasting their egos making the fantasy-girls moan their names and tell them how good they are and make them feel, but at least some of them had the common sense to also add tender moments where the girls would say words like 'I love you' and other mushy stuff. The odd thing was that Jake's fantasies spiraled further and further away from the 'making love'-parts and more and more to fucking, never making fantasy-Bella say 'I love you Jake', or fantasy-Jake say anything sweet to her, not even her name. She was just moaning and telling him how good he was and how good he made her feel. I was so fed up by this time last year, after the fight with the newborns where Jake saved my life, that I just had to make him stop. I admit that what I meant to say might have come out wrong, but I mean a girl only can endure that much. Besides, I always got the feeling that these fantasies were being torturous for Jake himself in some sense, emotionally void in a creepy way, like the real Jake was missing from them, except from the times when I would try to get him to stop, because then he was clearly enjoying making me pissed off throwing himself into making me furious. Thank god I never had to endure another Bella-fantasy since I joined the renegade pack, which maybe – among other things – has made us close again, or closer at least. Jake has always been in my life, and I hope I can keep him at last a little while longer, but I will not accept him messing with my sweet little cubs minds!

"IF I EVER SEE YOU FILMING GIRLS AGAIN I'LL MAKE YOU SORRY YOU EVER WERE BORN!" I shout. "If you keep up like this you will never ever get a girlfriend! No girl wants to date PERVERTS! Especially not perverts without an education!"

"We aren't perverts..." Fred tries to say tears forming in his eyes.

"Is this, or is this not my ASS?!!!" I hiss re-playing the images of me walking towards Embry's house.

"I just didn't know how to work the zoom! We were just doing what Ja.." He sounds desperate, and is suddenly elbowed by Jonas who gives Fred a pointed look. It does not escape me!

"YOU BETER EXPLAIN WHAT JACOB BLACK HAS TO DO WITH THIS!!!" I roar.

"Leah, calm down." Embry says softly placing one warm hand on my shoulder. "You are scaring them."

I look at the terrified faces of my cubs who show all the signs of total submission, heads hanging, necks bared, both making themselves as small as possible, whimpering. Fred might lay down belly up any minute now by the look of it. I take a deep breath.

"Fine." I huff. "Don't ever do this again!"

"Never Leah! Never!" They cry in unison. I believe them.

I grab both boys by the neck and start walking them to school muttering under my breath the entire way. At least I had the chance to gather as much information from Embry to know that Jake did not know about our crime-hunting, but I still haven't found out what he suspects, what ticked him off like that! This pisses me off enormously. It is like someone is conspiring against me and Embry, always sending interruptions whenever I think I finally get a chance to talk to him.

As I reach school I have completely calmed down, only to find myself fuming only seconds later! Apparently Jacob Black has called school telling that Fred and Jonas are home sick today. It makes no sense at all!

First I'm going to get some answers, then I'm going to kill Jacob Black! What the hell does he think he is he up to?!

I run pass Embry's to fetch the video camera. Embry tries to calm me down and get me from storming off on a killing spree, but I shake his hands off me, blocking out his words and order him to stand back. Jacob Black might not live to see another day!

As soon as I reach the woods I strip and phase tying my clothes to my ankle. I take the camera in my mouth and break in to a run.

I'm met with Seth's annoyingly chipper thoughts, but ignore them and his questions.

'Jacob... Kill... Better explain himself... ' are the words running in my mind. I think my thoughts scare Seth a little, since I hear him start whimpering and thinking about how nice Jake is and how much _everyone_ likes Jake and what a great Alpha he is. I ignore my brother.

It's not like Jacob Black does not deserve what is coming!

The only annoying thing is having to go near the Cullen's. I don't hate the vampires any longer, but I'm not a part of their fan-club either. I had realized some time ago that the leeches had been given a pretty shitty fate as well. I mean who in their right mind would want to be a vampire? That's right. Nobody! Well, expect one – and that says something about her mindset.

I hadn't really spoken to any of the vampires in great length, but the little I let Seth tell me about them convinced me that they weren't all that happy about being damned to eternal life as vampires. Of course I still avoid them as much as possible, but I don't think I even dislike them anymore. Expect Edvard and Bella, but I dislike them for other reasons than their feeding habits.

Bella for she had miss-treated Jacob badly and she was such a neurotic martyr, and Edvard was annoyingly self-righteous and controlling. The fact that Seth has him as his new idol, made me dislike him even more.

Why is Seth always man-crushing on the worst and lamest men on this planet? Wasn't it enough with his stupid crush with the all-mighty Alpha? Apparently not! Now he is hanging on to every word Edvard says _and _then hehas the audacity to repeat them to _me_ as if Edvard's little words of wisdom are some great knowledge.

Whenever Seth comes home from an other session of leech-loving he is acting like an overgrown puppy jumping and squealing happily: "Guess what Edvard said!" on top of the already annoying: "Guess what Jacob did!" which I have had to endure my entire life.

Like I would want to know what either of these two said or did!

As I step over the boarder between Sam's territory and Jake's I let out a howl summoning my idiotic Alpha. I don't want mind-raper all up in my thoughts if I in my anger won't be able to conceal everything of my crime-fights with Embry, so Jacob better haul his over here to me!

Jake's thoughts touch my mind almost immediately. Ha, seems Beta-wolf has some power! I should try to use it more often, making the Alpha come to me, rather than the other way around!

His thoughts are somehow blurred but underlaying there is a frantic concern._ 'Leah, what's wrong? Are you hurt?' _Is he serious? Why the hell would I be hurt? How the hell would I even get hurt, here on the rez. What kind of idiotic thought is that?!

I snarl and keep my mind blank as I feel him closing in. Before he reaches me I phase and dress. I don't want him in my thoughts asking me what I have been talking about with Embry. Not that I wouldn't be able to lie about that, it's just that I fear slipping even the tiniest bit would fuel any suspicions Jake already is having.

"Leah, what's wrong?" Jake asks as he emerges dressed in his usual cut-offs. He has clearly sensed my fury and has a worried look on his face. Oh, he should worry alright!

I shove the video-camera into his hands.

"What. The. Hell. is. this?" I hiss.

"A video camera" he answers stupidly.

"And why is it, its filled with images of ME?"

Now he looks sheepish.

"And you better explain why Fred and Jonas weren't I school and why a certain Jacob Black had called telling school they were SICK!"

"Oh...that..." He mumbles running his hand over his hair. Then he smirks. Smirks! Can you believe that!

"You and Embry are keeping secrets and the boys wanted to do something fun so I sort of hinted how cool it would be to be spying on you and mentioned something about a little reward if they did catch something juicy!" He says his eyes twinkling grinning widely.

I can't believe what I'm hearing!

"IS FILMING MY ASS JUICY ENOUGH?!" I shout, as I furiously press play on the camera and show him the images the boys have captured.

First his face goes blank and I think he might even blush, but then the stupid grin is back and it only widens as he stares at the screen completely mesmerized. What is wrong with him?

"Oh this sure is some good stuff! Not what I had in mind, but damn those boys deserve an Oscar." He mumbles.

"What did you just say?" I demand slapping his disturbingly muscular arm.

"They might not ever be good spies, but they sure have talent as film makers... Sound quality is bad though.." He smiles slyly.

"How the hell can it be a talent to film my ASS?!" I yell.

Now the idiot turns his eyes on my form clearly inspecting me, his eyes lingering far too long on certain areas, making my breath hitch.. From anger that is! Nothing else!

"Oh it's a talent, believe me! And with your body you could have quite a career." He says winking his eye.

He did not just say and do that!

"I'm gonna file a law-suit against you. For sexual harassment!" I yell. "Rosalie is going to represent me! She's been to law-school! She is going to kill you after I have killed you!"

He chuckles, actually chuckles at this. "Who was ogling who this morning in the kitchen! Don't deny it.. I saw where your eyes were!" He shouts triumphantly.

Then he presses play again to watch the film sequence on re-run.

"Give the camera back to me!" I yell, reaching for it.

"No! It's mine!" His hands are now high above his head.

It's not for nothing I have trained judo. I always knew it would come handy! In one swift motion I am able to knock him off balance despite his height and massive size. Only problem is that he manages to drag me along with him in the fall, and once I'm down I'm wrapped up in his fierce grip. I'm at a clear disadvantage. But Leah Clearwater is not known to give up! I have wrestled this boy before many a time as kids, and I always won. I'm not going to start a losing streak now.

I wriggle my body grinding against his broad chest, while trying to kick and throw punches best I can. Somehow he manages to press his body closer almost molding into mine, suddenly rolling us both around until I'm completely pinned under him.

"Let go!" I yell.

"No I won't, until you say you yield!." I can hear the smugness in his voice. I will do no such thing! Leah Clearwater won't yield to anyone.

I struggle more furiously now, while Jacob sneers. "You trying to go somewhere Clearwater?"

Stupid size-advantage. If we were in the same weight-class I would have totally won!

Now I just have to fight dirty. I sink my teeth into his shoulder. I bite hard!

The growl vibrating out of Jacob as my teeth break his skin makes my body react oddly, his grip tightens sending strange tremors through my body. What the hell is wrong with me?! My body becomes still, my mouth still pressed against Jacob's skin.

Pinned underneath him with us both panting heavily makes my body tingle. It feels..._good_. I mean, it doesn't, of course it doesn't. This is bad!

I refuse to believe that Jacob Black is having an effect on my body! He is a stupid annoying KID! He just happens to have a man's body, that's all. I'm sexually deprived, that is why I feel this way... that's it!

"Lee..." Jacob murmurs hoarsely softening his grip, lifting his head. I feel his eyes on me. My heart speeds up. Something is terrible wrong with me. Why doesn't my mind come up with any witty comeback and why has my body stopped functioning? Oh my god! I'm seriously fucked up! This is Jacob Black. I'm Leah Clearwater. I am not feeling this way! Somebody please help me!

Thank god my prayers are answered as my dear dear brother comes rushing through the bushes in his wolf form before I do something incredibly stupid. I've never been happier seeing him.

He stops clearly stunned staring at us in dis-belief.

"Now let go!" I snarl Seth's presence filling my head with sense again. I pray that Jacob has not noticed anything out of order with me. I'm going to pretend that I did not notice how Jacob's touch became a caress, the tone of voice as he breathed my name, the way I could feel his body pressing against mine. I will not think of it ever again!

Jacob releases me and we both stand up, and I for sure will not look at him!

Seth heads back into the bushes and seconds later he emerges as a human. "What are you doing?" he asks suspiciously. "Why do you have a video-camera? Are you making a film?" Lord, my brother is actually a little stupid. But this I have noticed before. Must be the lead-paint he chewed as a kid.

Somehow the camera is now in Seth's hands and before I have a chance to stop him he has pressed play. He gasps. With eyes wide in horror he asks, "Are you making a porno?"

I can't believe him!

I snatch the camera from his hands and stomp on it, smashing it to pieces.

"Your stupid Alpha has been spying on me! And nobody can understand why!" I yell.

A normal brother would become pissed hearing something like this and demand answers from the guy spying on his sister, but oh no, _my _brother just shrugs his shoulders and looks happy again. "Oh, _that'_s alright. I don't think I could've looked at either of you again if you have been making a porn flick."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I shout and Seth looks at me dumbfounded. How can the two of us be related? He seriously thinks I would be making a porn flick.... And with Jacob Black?

Even more aggravating is having to hear Jacob's rumbling laugh during mine and Seth's entire conversation.

"You better have a good answer to why you want to spy on me and Embry?!" I shoot a killer glare at Jacob. Yelling at him makes the uneasiness I felt to melt away, being replaced with a more familiar feeling. Fighting with Jacob is something I excel in, I always have.

"What are you and Embry up to?" Jacob asks his black gaze boring into my eyes.

"Has it occurred to you that he has no-one to hang out with since both his best friends are tied to their child-brides. And I kind of don't have any friends left in La Push." I say calmly.

Jake looks angry, must be me mentioning the child-bride. I have tried to stop using derogatory terms for her, but honestly she and also Claire are very similar to child-brides. Imprinting sucks for everyone. I mean poor Claire, will she even be allowed to have crushes and date anyone else than Quil... How fun can it be to not be allowed to choose your own future. Believe me I know, but I at least have choices left and I sure as hell will be making choices.

"You have friends!" Jacob snarls. "I'm your friend. The pack is your friends. And we hang out with Embry and there is always Seth!"

I huff.

"I and Embry like the same things. The night-life just calls to us! He likes music and I love dancing. He likes to dance too.." I have no idea if this is true about dancing, but Embry has one of the most extensive CD-collections I have seen, and what is the point to listening to music if you don't dance? So what if I'm stretching the truth a little. In fact we both do love one thing, and that is our crime-fighting, evidently the nightlife!

I hope Embry isn't as bad a dancer as Quil, should he ever have to prove his skills on the dance floor. Jake as I remember can be an awful dancer too, and I hope that talking about dancing will make him back off, because I know for a fact that he would sure as hell never enter a dance floor willingly and won't enjoy talking about dancing, remembering the humiliating outcome of the last time he tried to dance with me.

I start chuckling remembering dancing with Jake as a kid.

*** * * Flashback * * * **

"Street dancing doesn't mean that your arms are around my neck." I try to explain to Jake as I yet again push his hands off me. Why can't he understand this simple instruction? I sigh. Why on earth did I agree to teach Jacob to dance?

"Now just listen to the rhythm, and then you do the steps I showed you." I say and start counting the beat.

He obediently does the steps and as I stand up to show him the next move his hands are pulling me closer again!

"Jake!" I shriek. "I already told you! This is street dance, no arms around me!"

Jacob frowns. If he wasn't the little brother of my best friends I would have given up a long time ago. But I know I have to be patient, and Jake can be really funny when he isn't annoying. But then again, when isn't he annoying?

"Then I don't want to learn to street dance! I want to dance like they do in the movies!" He says.

"Oh you mean ballroom dancing?" I ask. I guess we could do that, but I kind of prefer street-dance, jazz and modern, but I have promised Jacob to teach him to dance as his birthday gift and it's wrong to break a promise. Since it is his wish I guess I should let him decide what kind of dancing he likes to learn.

I grab his hand and put the other on my back and then start showing him steps to the waltz. The first thing that happens is that he steps on my foot, hard! It hurts! Then he steps on my other foot, even harder. The next thing is that he is pulling me closer, and is practically dragging me over the living-room floor. He is a hopeless case!

"No Jake, this is my space and this is yours." I motion and show the room created between our arms. "You can't step into my space, and I won't step into yours! And you don't drag your dancing partner along you lead her!"

"They don't do like that in the film!" He says shaking his head.

"What film?" Once again I have no idea what Jake is talking about.

He runs into the twins room and comes out with Dirty dancing in his hands, his eyes shining with excitement. I love Dirty dancing. But I think the role of the girl is stupid especially in the beginning, she is just letting everyone tell her what to do. Nobody would ever be able to put me in a corner like her. Maybe I'm more like Johnny? Hmm, yes that might be it! But who would then play Baby? I snigger when a thought reaches my head. Embry Call would be the perfect Baby, all shy and blushing, but then becoming a killer on the dance floor! Too bad he isn't here learning to dance along with Jake, he might actually be able to learn something, much unlike his thick-headed friend.

"Are you listening?" I hear Jake's voice and snap my attention back to him.

"What was that?" I ask still smiling at my thoughts.

"I want to do the dance when she runs and he catches her in his arms. My arms are really strong too, just like his." He says showing his skinny arms.

"We are not doing that!" I tell him.

"Why not? It's the best dance of them all. I want to do that dance!"

"No Jacob! There is no way you could catch me! I would end up breaking my neck!" I object with great force.

"Please Leah, please! It's my 10th birthday and it's all I ever want! Turning ten is supposed to be special, but it won't be the least bit of special if I don't learn how to do that dance." He begs doing miserable puppy-eyes at me. I feel really bad for saying no. I mean, it is his birthday...

"I'm much bigger than you Jake, there is no way it will work!" I try again to reason with him.

I should have known it's impossible to reason with Jacob Black. "It's not impossible, I can do anything! I swear I would catch you and I would never let you break your neck! You just have to trust me Lee!" He says solemnly.

"NO! It would be much more logical if you did the jump and I was the one catching you!" I am trying my hardest to get him understand how stupid his idea is.

"Let's do that then!" He grins brightly.

I groan and slap my forehead. That was not what I meant. I meant for him to give the idea up completely.

"It's my birthday and I trust you Lee! You would never let me break my neck!" He says taking my hand. "Please! It will be fun!"

I don't know why, but somehow Jacob Black gets me to do stupidest things, things I know I should not do. This is such an occasion.

"Alright Jake." I sigh defeated. "Let's do it slowly first."

Does Jacob Black ever do anything slowly? I see him charging towards me at full force and then he is up in the air and there is no way I will be able to catch him, but I fear he might hurt himself as he lands on the hard living-room floor so dumb as I am I try to soften his fall.

The next thing I know I wake up lying in a hospital bed with a concussion.

*** * * End of flashback * * * **

"What the hell are you laughing about?" Both males look at me like I've completely lost it as I double over over from laughter clutching my sides.

"Nothing, nothing!" I say and wipe the tears away from my face. "I'm heading home." I tell them both.

Before I have time to take more than one step I feel Jacob's warm hand wrap itself around my wrist. He leans his head close to my ear, his breath tickling my neck.

"Next time you bite me, I will bite you right back." He whispers his voice a husky rasp.

I refuse to acknowledge the shivers running down my spine! I'm just cold!

That's it. I swear.

* * *

**AN: Disclaimer, don't own any characters. **


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Who can say no to dancing?**

The delicious scent makes my mouth water as I near home after circling the cliffs for a couple of hours trying to empty my head.

Embry and the cubs are sitting by the kitchen table, the cubs with schoolbooks open and Embry trying to explain some math problem for them.

"You're home!" The two boys squeal and run over to hug me, as Embry gives me a sweet little smile, his eyes asking a question.

"I didn't kill him." I mouth. Embry's smile reaches his eyes now and he nods. I think he won't appreciate it if I killed his best friend.

"Come! Come Lee! Hurry! We have made brownies for you!" Fred starts tugging me by the arm, leading me towards the kitchen table.

"And we have cleaned the house too!" Jonas chirps in. Indeed, everything looks unusually tidy. This makes me smile widely. They are making an effort to be forgiven for their earlier stunt.

As I sit a plate full of brownies is placed under my nose and the boys all but shove them down my throat.

"What do you want to drink?" Fred yells running to the refrigerator with a glass in his hands.

"Milk maybe..." As soon as the words are out of my mouth a glass of milk is set before me half of the contents spilling out by the speed it hits the table.

"Embry said we couldn't taste any, because we were making these for you! We just licked the bowl." Jonas says his eyes following as I take a bite of the brownie.

It is _sooo _good! I think I actually drool and my eyes must be rolling back in my head. I've heard chocolate being compared to having an orgasm. I never believed it, but I think these brownies are pretty orgasmic.

"I imprinted!" I moan. These brownies might be better than sex, quite literally. Definitely better than the few times I had sex with Sam.

Embry gives me a weird look for the briefest of seconds, then I reckon understanding dawns making him grin widely as he leans closer to me and the brownies. I bet he wants to taste them too!

The pups being little boys don't get anything. "WHAT?! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL YOU AWAY FROM US?! WE WON'T LET YOU GO! WE DON'T WANT YOU TO IMPRINT! WE HATE HIM!" They wail out.

I start laughing. "I imprinted on these brownies, silly boys!"

This haves the pups barking in laughter.

"Can we taste?" Jonas eyes haven't left the plate and now he is licking his lips in anticipation.

"I don't know. Weren't they all for me?" I joke and put my arm protectively around my plate with brownies. A girls got to protect her imprint, right?! Jonas looks so defeated I think he might actually cry.

"Of course you can taste. I was joking." As soon as I say this all of the brownies are gone from the plate.

"We have done all our homework. And we have made you a card!" Jonas smiles mouth full and chocolate covering half of his face. He hands me a heart shaped paper, a little unevenly cut, with the words Leah written on it.

"Read it!" Fred commands.

_Dear Leah_

_You are the best._

_We promise to try to make you proud of us._

_We won't do stupid things never ever ever again._

_You protect us and take care of us._

_You are the best wolf in the world._

_And you are pretty and funny and smart.  
_

_We love you! _

Then they have written their names and drawn lots and lots of hearts.

"Ah, that is so sweet of you boys. Thank you!" I say and hug them. Both cubs shine with joy and they look happy with themselves. "Since you been so good you can go and play now if you want to."

The boys of course leave immediately, since the plate is now polished and nothing beats video games, apparently not even my company.

"Thank you Embry. Whatever you have said to them, it's working. All of this is really sweet!" I say.

Embry beams. "They did the work themselves Lee, I just gave them some advice." He insists, but I know better. Everything that just transpired has Embry Call's name written all over it.

"No don't deny it Embry. This was all you!" I say and saunter over to where he is sitting and give him a peck on the cheek.

Embry is fighting hard not to grin too widely and show just how pleased he is with himself a deep burgundy shade coloring his cheeks. The boy is far too modest. I have to help him change that. If this had been Jake he had bragged about this to no end.

"You take really good care of the kids Embry. You know you're gonna be a great father one day! There isn't a woman who wouldn't want someone just like you to be the father of their kids." I tell him.

Embry blushes as I praise him and I swear he is fighting hiding his face in his hands, something he used to do as a kid when he got shy. Maybe he feels awkward hearing me talking about what a great father he'll be, I mean he is still in high-school, talking about fatherhood might not be what he wants to hear. I myself never thought about motherhood before my period disappeared. I sure had wanted kids at some point in my life but pre-wolf I was wrapped up in the excitement of just living. I wanted to travel, have fun, study, do all kinds of crazy stuff before I settled down. Sam was the one who dreamed of red houses with white picket fences, us married with kids, but those were dreams I never shared, for me this was merely a thought of something hazy in the far distant after all of my other dreams had come true.

I wanted adventure. I wanted to experience something new, do unexpected things, see where life would lead me, without any particular plans. Sam was all for carefully planning everything in advance, he wanted us to go to the same college, studying subjects leading to secure jobs and to return to get married as soon as the studies were finished. He always wanted everything to be safe. I guess his father leaving made him that way, but sometimes he was just incredibly boring. I think eventually one of us would have broken free from the other, or frankly, that _I _would've left him at some point, because I would never had given up the dreams I had and Sam's whining about me doing fun adventurous stuff being 'dangerous' always got on my nerves.

You know in which way fate sucked? It sucked that Sam meeting Emily didn't occur a couple of years later, because now I have truly started to believe that once I got to college I would've dumped his sorry ass.

I seriously have started to question what I ever saw in him, besides the fact that he was two years older, very popular, good looking and that he was in love with me for some inexplainable reason. For the girl I was back then this was enough to peek my interest, besides the range of boys to pick from at the rez and surrounding areas wasn't too great anyway. I mean who else would I have dated? And at fifteen I really wanted to date someone.

I just wish Sam and Emily both had done it in a better way, instead of going behind my back for weeks, being cowards and not telling me to my face, instead I had to find out by walking in on them. And Emily who always talked about how I was like her sister, how I was the most important person to her in the world and then she pulled a stunt like that.

It hurt my pride being dumped like that! I never hated anything more than having my pride hurt. I hate when people lie to me, and I can't respect people who show that they can't be trusted, who are disloyal, who don't have the guts to tell people the truth straight to their faces, but that's things I might forgive, but making me loose my dignity, that was another matter. I think it was me being betrayed and my pride hurting that made me become so obsessed with Sam in my thoughts in the first pack. I was trying to remember what I had felt for him before the bitterness took over my heart, and everyone assumed that I was still in love with him, when I just tried to figure out if I _ever_ had been in love with him in the first place. The significance I felt Sam put into memories of us in his thoughts, thoughts he desperately tried to hide, didn't help either, because clearly our first date, our first kiss, our first time, our first everything meant completely different things to him than me, but I started to believe that his memories of the way he had felt was what I too had felt. But it wasn't. Sure I did love him, but I don't think I ever gave him all of me, all of my heart. I think the fact that I always had wanted an older brother was what tied me to Sam in the first place, and I mistook those feelings for being in love. I never loved him as a lover. I never was madly in love with him. It was his pity and Emily's pathetic whining about how she never wanted to hurt me, that made me so bitchy. How dare he pity me? How dare she cry in front of me begging me to forgive her? He made me feel like I was weak and she made me feel like I was a bitch.

How I wish I never had dated him at all. Why wasn't I a sappy romantic waiting for my one true love to arrive? If I had been, Sam and I would have never been and we could've stayed friendly with each other and the rift between me and Emily wouldn't be so hard to cross.

I'm brought back from my thoughts by Embry slightly leaning towards me. "You'll be a great mother too Lee." He whispers tenderly, his eyes expressive and now a dull ache hits me. Before I have time to register I think it must have shown on my face because I see panic and regret flicker in Embry's eyes and suddenly his arms envelope me.

"Oh god! It wasn't... I didn't mean to hurt you Lee with what I said. You already are a mother to the cubs and you are wonderful at taking care of them, that's what I wanted to say... If I... If I ever have kids I hope it will be with someone exactly like you."

I let him hold me for the briefest of moments and the pain eases instantly as I feel his scent wrap me in a feeling of comfort. I gently push myself out of his embrace and the second he feels me pulling away his arms release me, his concerned eyes searching my face.

"It's alright Embry. It doesn't really hurt right now. I think it might when I get older, if it still remains like this, but right now I'm far too young to have kids or to worry about kids!" The smile comes easily because I feel what I say is true. Kids isn't something I want right now. "I think life is pretty okay, Embry. What we do in the city, that has taken away a lot of the hurt, you know. It feels like dad didn't die for nothing if I do something good for others. That's kind of what I wanted of life anyway, to do something heroic, even though what we do might not be that much in the grand scheme of things." I whisper earnestly, keeping my voice low so the cubs won't hear, although I'm pretty sure they don't hear anything while they play guitar hero in their room.

Embry studies me for a second and then the smile in his eyes is back. "You are a hero Leah, you just haven't realized it yet! But you know... Your life should be fantastic! Okay shouldn't be good enough for _you_ Leah. And I'm certain your life will be fantastic again, if you just let it!"

He takes my hand and squeezes it reassuringly and I feel a warm glow spread from my heart through my body. Somehow hearing Embry say it, makes me want to believe his words. Maybe my life could be fantastic?!

"You always say the right thing Embry! I think I will be incredibly envious of the girl that steals your heart away some day!" I feel the smile on my face radiate through my eyes.

Embry gets a strange lok on his face, like he lacks oxygen. His heart beat is going haywire and the intensity in his eyes is one I never knew a calm person like Embry could muster. As I gaze into them they fill with such longing I feel an aching in my own heart matching his eyes, but for what I'm not quite sure of.

Oh my! He probably is in love with someone. That is why he looks like that, thinking about the girl he loves. That is the longing in his eyes. I wonder who this mystery girl is? She better be someone worthy of Embry! I will not accept anything but the best for him!

A feeling of sadness washes over me when I think that I soon might lose my friend Embry. If he gets together with the girl he's in love with, he probably won't want to hang out this much with me anymore. But I do my best not to show it, because I wish for Embry to be happy!

"Leah..." His whisper is breathy and hoarse and his eyes moist, but before he has the chance to tell me about this mystery girl, Seth burts in through the door.

"We'll having a pack meeting in two hours!" He calls out, sounding excited.

What is there to be excited about with a pack-meeting? Seth just gets excited about the weirdest of things.

I'll have to ask Embry about his love-life later, when we are alone once more.

* * *

I'm anxiously waiting for the stupid pack-meeting to end so I and Embry can get going. Since Jake believes I and Embry have hit the Seattle night clubbing already, we can use this as an excuse for leaving the rez this Friday night too.

I zone out from the conversation completely thinking about where we shall start our hunt for crime this time, drumming my fingers impatiently on the armrest.

I don't really get why we have these pack-meetings anyways? They consist of two minutes of deciding patrol-schedules and then they go on for at least two hours of stupid mindless chattering. I swear these boys are worse than fifth graders on a sleepover.

I watch Embry from the corner of my eye. Embry doesn't seem fidgety at all. How can he always remain so calm? He smiles at me, earning a frown from Jacob.

I am brought out of my thoughts by a silence and four werevolves staring at me expectantly.

"Huh?", I bark out absentmindedly.

"I just said, that I was thinking..." That sets a warning lamp off blinking in my head. Nothing good ever came out of the Alpha's thinking. "...that we should do something FUN tonight!"

Fun, huh? Jake probably has a visit into leech-land in mind so we all can watch his precious little hybrid's accomplishments. In honesty I kind of like Nessie, but this is a secret I won't tell anyone. It isn't her fault she has Bella and Edvard for parents and an even more idiotic imprinted moron following her around everywhere, gasping at her every step. She might become horrible when she grows up, getting all that attention and not having any friends her own age, but right now she is alright.

Jacob is clearly waiting for me to say something. Does he want me to jump for joy and squeal?

"I kind of have plans already." I mumble.

But has our stupid Alpha ever let go when he has been thinking and gotten an idea in his head? Unfortunately no.

"Just cancel them Leah! We're gonna do something you like!"

"What?!"

"Yeah, it'll be fun. Real fun! We'll go to a bar. Or a club! Dancing! Or whatever it is you do with Embry." Jacob shoots Embry a dirty look, but turns then back to looking real smug and happy with himself.

Both Quil and Seth look like they would burst of excitement. Only Embry's face is void of all emotion.

"What the fuck are you thinking Jacob?! You hate dancing! Your too young to go to a bar or a club! And so are the others. Seth is _definitely _too young to be going anywhere! Hell, he can't even go to see a proper movie yet!" I'm starting to get mad. No way they would destroy my entertainment, my mission, my crime-fight tonight.

Seth looks miserable now, I ignore him. "What about Nessie or Claire? What if something happens to them while we are gone?" I know this last bit is mean, a little out of line, but in order to win you sometimes have to play dirty.

I see Quil looking worried at once and he is ready to pounce off his chair the same second to head over to Claire's, but Jacob just laughs. He laughs! Stupid Jake, don't even understand how an imprinted wolf is supposed to act. Isn't he supposed to be plastered over her and being awestruck byeverything she does 24/7, worrying about her when he isn't there. Isn't it supposed to _hurt _to be away from her?

He always seemed to be unable to stay away before, what is wrong with him now? These extra-curricular activities of mine and Embry are partly a result of the idiot imprinting and me having nothing better to do, but listen to him praise the demon-spawn and Seth praise the leech.

But now Jacob Black has formed an annoying new habit of coming over ever so often to just hang out. He is always here lately. Why? As I didn't have enough to do already with Seth and the pups. Now I am constantly haunted with Jake and two little mini-Jakes getting in my way and annoying the hell out of me.

"Ah come on Leah, it'll be fun. You're not 21 either, you hypocrite and you go out drinking! Besides we all look over 21 anyways, we'll get in anywhere. And you've already been taking Embry." Another dirty look in Embry's direction.

What has Embry done to fall out of Jake's good book? I just don't get it. How can going clubbing with me without informing the Alpha beforehand be considered as such a crime by Jake?

"Lee, it'll be fun. You always go out in the weekends dancing and whatever, but really we should hang out more as a pack. We should be bonding with each other! That what packs are for. We want to come with you! I make sure Seth stays out of trouble. Besides I've already arranged for the pups to go over to my house. Billy don't mind them coming over. In fact he's exited to get to tell his stories to someone."

I open my mouth to protest, but before I get anything out Jake is already continuing. "You can go and change now. I know girls need a more time making themselves beautiful, whereas us four males are just born with naturally good looks. Especially me!"He grins winking his eye. "We'll leave in two hours." Clearly that was the end of any discussions.

"Maybe you need more time Clearwater, you're sort of a hopeless case." He smirks eyes twinkling.

Jerk! I'll show him a hopeless case!

I send sofa cushions flying towards his stupidly grinning face and then cushions are flying everywhere when the overgrown boys start a pillow-fight. Before I manage to escape the havoc Jake's warm large hands are wrapped around my waist smashing me against his muscular chest, pulling me back into the struggle.

Thank god Quil has the contents of the water-pitcher flying over Jacob and the chock of the wet and cold of the ice-cubes gives me just enough room to escape out off his reach and dash into the safety of my room, my heart beating a little too fast. It's just the adrenaline rush from being aggravated by the annoying smirking full of himself Alpha! That's all!

And what the hell is up with him touching me all the time all of a sudden? He seriously needs to stop with that! It's not like he goes around touching Quil, Seth or Embry like that! It's sexism, that's what it is!

* * *

Getting ready I can't help but feel somewhat torn, because part of me is excited about the chance of going out dancing, while the other part is pissed because after all I am a protector and me going clubbing will mean that I am not protecting the defenseless. Does going out with my pack mean that I fail my mission? Is it selfish? Then again, I remember Embry who told me that I am too hard on myself and that I deserve to have a fantastic life, so maybe I can allow myself a little free time, a little fun!

I don't know why but for some reason I have managed to find the make-up I once used almost two years ago. I apply just a little eye-liner, a hint of eye-shadow and lip gloss, but still, and dress up in clothes I normally don't wear. Sure I wear sundresses all the time, simply because they are convenient, but for some reason I now have picked out clothes I have had tucked away furthest away in my closet. What I take out is a dress sent to me by Rebecca from Hawaii for my last birthday. I don't know when she thought I will ever wear it, but then again she doesn't exactly know that I'm a werewolf. She probably believes I'm depressed and that's why I'm moping around here on the rez instead of fulfilling all the crazy things I've dreamed of. I gather as much from the few phone calls and e-mails from her. This dress is her way of trying to get me among the living again, to inspire me to become the outgoing wild girl I once was.

I slip the dress on, and it most definitely is a party dress. It makes me look feminine and - I guess – sexy. I even find high heels and put them on.

I stare at myself in the full length mirror and almost don't recognize my own reflection. I rarely look in the mirror these days, there is no need. I look surprisingly good, and I don't mean this in a full of myself sort of way, I'm just surprised that I feel this good about the way I look, that I find myself sort of beautiful, even without my long hair. Being a werewolf sure does wonders on your body.

Applying makeup I glance at a jewelery box on my dresser. I haven't worn any accessories for ages but now I find myself gravitating towards it opening the lid slowly, tracing the carvings on the wooden box. My name is carved underneath some decorative flowers and when I inspect it closely I see the two small ornamental wolves with their muzzles touching that I always have loved. I smile at the thought that Jacob Black had carved wolves on this box years before we actually became ones ourselves. What a coincidence! Or was it? The boy always was obsessed with wolves.

Looking at the box the incident in the woods comes to my mind again. The way Jake's body felt, the way our hearts thumped, the way I wanted to...

God! What is wrong with me? I almost rip the dress off of me, to prove to myself that I have not dressed up for Jacob Black. I have not! Then I decide to keep the dress on, to prove to myself that I have dressed up for myself, and only myself!

I find a pair of earrings an put them on. Maybe something more?

As I peer into the box my eyes meet two handmade bracelets, very familiar, very dear to me. One of them, the one that was made by Jacob for me, would match this dress perfectly. I try it on. It still fits, a little tight but still a fit. It feels nice to wear it.

I pick up the other bracelet, the one that is torn because of the force Jacob had ripped it off his arm and thrown in my face.

*** * * Flashback * * ***

_"Why do you always wear this?" Sam is asking his fingers twirling around the bracelet on my wrist._

_"I like it. It's a gift." I tell him._

_He frowns. "A gift from whom?"_

_"Oh, from Jake." I smile remembering getting it almost five years ago._

_"I've seen Jake wear one too." Sam grumbles the frown turning into a deep scowl._

_"Yeah, I know. I made him one too. They are friendship bracelets." I tell Sam trying to figure out whatever has made him sound so hostile._

_"I don't get why you switched friendship bracelets with him, Lee." His face is set in a smile, but I see that it does not reach his eyes._

_Now it's my time to frown. I like Jake, we have grown up together, he has always been a part of my life. I was present when he was born, my mom being a midwife an all. Well I wasn't exactly in the same room for his birth, but I got to hold him when he was just an hour old. Some people claim that babies normally learn to smile around the age of a month, but when Jacob was placed in my arms he gave me his first smile, and he has been smiling ever since. I have witnessed a lot of his firsts: his first step – rushing towards me – his first two word sentence: 'My Lee'._

_I don't like the way Sam speaks about him, like Jake was nothing, a nobody._

_"Jake is funny and smart and he is important to me. He is family!" I say with force._

_"Will you take it off if I ask you to?" Sam doesn't understand to back off._

_This makes me see red. Why would I want to take it off?!_

_"NO!" I am yelling now. ""It's my lucky charm. It means something to me!" I storm off the blanket we are sitting on and start running home. Stupid Sam!_

_I hear him calling my name, but I ignore him. How can he even ask such a moronic question. Why would I take it off? Why the hell is he even asking me?! I'm not telling him to stop hanging out with Paul, just because I don't like him, so why should I take my bracelet off?_

_This incident comes to my mind a year later, on the night of Sam's prom. The night I'm persuaded to do something dumb._

_"I got something else for you as well." Sam smiles widely after I have put the corsage on my arm. He and hands me a box. I open it and find a silver charm bracelet inside._

_My mom gushes. "That is wonderful Sam. It must have cost you a fortune!"_

_Sure it's pretty and all, but not the kind of bracelet I would normally wear, this looks more like something my cousin Emily would like. I don't need expensive bracelets._

_My mom seems to be liking the gift much more than me, but then again my mom loves Sam, she always talks about how respectful and well-mannered he is and how he is such a nice young man. She probably likes the fact that he is level-headed, never acts up like me, obeys all rules and puts stop to the stunts I so enjoy doing. Being with him I haven't even scraped my knee once. Last fall when I broke my arm it happened while Sam was visiting his dad and I was hanging out with Jacob doing tricks with him on his bike._

_As Sam starts putting the charm bracelet on, my mom spots the old bracelet on my arm and stops him. "Wait Sam! Leah, you need to take that old bracelet off, it does not match the dress and you can't wear it with the charm bracelet." She demands. "Besides, it's time you took it off, you had it on for years. You have been dating Sam for over a year now."_

_I don't really get it. What has dating Sam to do with me wearing the bracelet? Why is everybody so obsessed with it. Sam is always on my case trying to get me to take it off, he has been ever since we started to date. He actually got mad when I refused, claiming that it was wrong for me to be wearing another boys bracelet. He just don't get it. Jacob is my friend, even though he hasn't exactly been acting like one lately. But Jacob is still is part of my family, and will always be no matter how he acts. I hesitate, but for some reason I reluctantly give in. Maybe mom is right?_

_Sam's grin widens as the woven bracelet comes off. I feel uneasy. My dad frowns, but a look from my mom silences him. I know why my dad looks like that. Taking the bracelet off makes me feel like I'm somehow cheating on mine and Jacob's friendship, and I think my dad thinks this too. It's not like dad dislikes Sam, he just isn't thrilled about Sam the way my mom is._

_As we reach the Black's to meet up with Becca and Rach and their dates I spy Jacob in the back of the garden. He is staring at me and Sam with his black eyes narrowed, face scowling._

_"Hi Jake!" I call to him. He turns around and stalks into the garage without a word. I sigh. I don't like when he behaves like this. I want to set things straight between us. I follow him, leaving Sam to chat with his friends and Billy as we all wait for the twins to get ready._

_"Jake! What's the matter?" I ask._

_He is pretending not to see or hear me as he is working on something that just might become a stool._

_I put my hand on his to make him stop polishing the wood._

_His eyes fall on the charm bracelet I'm wearing, the bracelet that is sitting where the woven bracelet used to be. He stops hands falling to his sides, dropping the sandpaper. Then he lifts his eyes to mine, and what I see there scares me. There is such hollow emptiness, like someone just ripped Jake's heart away and stomped on it._

_"What's that?" he points at the charm bracelet his voice nothing but a croak._

_"Oh, I got it from Sam." I say a bad feeling in my stomach._

_"Where is your other bracelet Leah?" His voice filled with indescribable hurt._

_"I took it off for tonight." I whisper feeling remorseful. I feel like I've wronged Jacob in some horrible way, but I don't quite grasp how._

_I see Jacob starts shaking, his hands balling up in fists. Then he takes a hammer and smashes up what he has been making in furious blows._

_"JACOB! STOP!" I try to get him to stop. He turns to me eyes pitch-black filled with despair and fury, then he rips at his own wrist, snatching off the bracelet and throws it in my face._

_"TAKE BACK YOUR STUPID BRACELET! IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO WEAR IT ANYWAY!!!" He yells tears leaking from his eyes. "IT'S OVER!!! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" I hear him shout as he storms out off the garage. I feel something snap at my heart and a deep piercing hurt fills me. I feel terrible. I have done something irrevocably wrong. I almost throw up as dawning hits me; I can't fix this one..._

_I saw the tears in his eyes, and Jacob doesn't cry for nothing. The only time I've seen him cry was when his mom died. And now I have made him cry! His words are true. "It's over." I'm not sure what __it is, but I feel like crying too._

_I sit on the cold and dirty floor and wrap my arms around my knees, burying my face behind my hair clutching the bracelet Jacob threw in my face over my heart._

_What have I done?! I'm a horrible person. I have betrayed Jacob._

_When I hear Sam approach I pull myself together and force my face into a smile, even though I don't feel like smiling at all. Never ever again do I want to smile. I would much rather crawl into a ball in my bed and weep for destroying my friendship with Jacob. But this is Sam's prom and I can't ruin that for him. I have made a choice and I have stick with my choices. My dad has always stressed the importance of sticking with your decisions._

_But what if the decision was the wrong one? How can it be made right?_

_"Why are you sitting here sulking?" Sam jokingly asks, but I hear worry in his voice and he wraps me up in his warm embrace. I should feel comforted, but the cold doesn't leave me. It feels like the wrong embrace, not the one I need._

_"What's with the long face?" He asks._

_"I had a fight with Jake." I mumble. "About taking the bracelet off."_

_"Lee-Lee, he's a kid and he has always been overly dramatic, like last year when he tried to punch me in the face for kissing you on your birthday. He'll come around. It was just a kids bracelet anyway, nothing special."_

_But it was! It was!_

_"Don't look like that Lee-Lee. I just mean that it's not like he put all his savings into it, you know. It's just another woven bracelet, anyone can make them. I worked extra shifts to be able to afford this one for you. So this charm bracelet is from my heart to yours, it proves how much I love you."_

_I nod, but I his words ring falsely in my ears. Maybe Sam has put all his savings into this bracelet, but Jake put__ all of himself into the one I took off._

_He made it himself, it's special. Much more so than anything that can be bought in a store._

_It is the most special gift I have ever gotten and I have discarded it for a shiny new trinket._

_I just sold my soul for a little piece of silver._

*** * * End of flashback * * ***

I hesitate. It's only a bracelet, right... I mean I can wear any bracelet I want. It's not like it still means anything to Jacob. He was a kid back when he made it, a kid when he chucked his own off his arm and threw it at me. He might not even remember what bracelet this is. It matches the dress, and isn't that little shopaholic Cullen always talking about the importance to match? Then I shake my head a little annoyed. When the hell did I start to consider anything the vampires were thinking.

I start to slide the bracelet off, when Set barges in a fit of hysterics for the umpteenth time.

"Which shirt should I wear?" He is holding four different ones in his hands. "Are you sure these jeans are okay? And what about the shoes?"

"I already told you, that one." I say pointing.

"What about my hair?" He continues. "What will girls like? I want to dance with a girl, what if they don't like my hair"

I roll my eyes at his questions. "It'll be fine Seth. I don't think girls will care what your hair looks like to dance with you. You just smile that cute smile of yours and be yourself."

"I like that dress Lee, you look awesome! Like a model. But isn't it a little too short?" He says after stopping fretting about himself. "Don't take the bracelet off. It matches perfectly! It makes the dress look even nicer!" He shouts as he sees me sliding it off my arm.

I frown, but my hand starts moving in the other direction, slipping the bracelet back on my wrist.

"I'll head downstairs and wait for you there" I call out leaving Seth standing in front of the mirror. I have already heard Quil, Embry and Jake arrive. And I hear glasses being taken out. Drinks. I want one, or maybe even need one. Funny, I don't even drink that much...

I take a deep breath and head down the stairs.

The wolf whistle I almost expected, but it still makes me feel self conscious, because these are guys I hang out with everyday and they never see me dressed up, ever. I shoot them a bitchy glare, to get them to stop noticing me.

"Wow Leah! You are HOT!" Quil hoots.

Embry stares eyes elated, mouth agape, a blush on his cheeks and Jake does a double take before that ever present smirk of his once again reappears. He isn't even trying to hide that his eyes clearly roam my body. A strange sensation travels through my limbs. I bite my lower lip to stop the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, the smile that somehow is connected to the peculiar reaction his eyes have on my body. What the hell is wrong with me?! Stupid Jacob!

"Who would have thought Clearwater... You're not such a fashion disaster after all! Maybe I'll even dance with you tonight. Good looking people belong together!" Jake's eye are now on my lips.

"Ha! Like I would want to dance with you!" I retort as I push past him, because I can't look at him any longer. This is too awkward, too weird.

I swear I can hear how his grin widens. "I know you do! Girls always want to dance with me! It must be my good looks and my charm!" Self-conceited boisterous brat!

"You look breathtaking Leah." Embry whispers shyly as I lean next to him against the kitchen counter. I smile a genuine smile.

Jake hands me a beer and as I reach to take it his eyes fall on my wrist.

The smug playful grin is wiped away as his eyes turn serious, not leaving my wrist just staring, like he don't believe what he is seeing.

Damn! I knew it was a mistake to wear it.

**AN: Don't own any characters. **

**Thank you to each and everyone of you who reviews! Reviews keep me inspired to keep writing...**


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Stealing MY idea!**

Quil always tries to get the front seat, but tonight I don't even have to open my mouth or glare, let alone use my fists to get my rightful place. It only takes one look from Jacob to get Quil to scramble into the crammed up backseat.

Quil had suggested taking the Ateara family car, which would have been smart considering our sizes, but Jacob insists on the Rabbit. The car is his pride and joy. I don't get what it is with boys and their cars. Sure, he has put a lot of work and love to it, I get that part, but it does not serve well as the vehicle for _five_ overgrown werewolves!

I feel sorry for the boys in the backseat, there is honestly no room for them, and to sit crammed up like that is pure torture. I do get that it would make more sense if I was the one in the back since I'm, despite my height, clearly the smallest, but, hey, as Beta I have to make a grab for the few privileges I can get.

I push my seat as close to the dashboard as possible leaving Embry some room for his legs. Poor Quil doesn't get the same benevolent treatment from Jacob. Jake's seat is pushed as far back as possible which means Quil's legs are nearly amputated.

"You can back your seat a little if you want to, Leah." Embry says, but I don't do it, because obviously he is in need of more leg space than me.

Quil and Seth chatter excitedly about the upcoming events, Seth about how he hopes to get the chance to dance with a cute girl and Quil about how hot the girls will be and how they won't be able to get their hands off of him. _Yeah, sure!_ Jake is unusually quiet, glancing every now and then on my bracelet. It's unnerving. It's just a bracelet!

Or is he too thinking about how I once betrayed our friendship. Is that it? Damn! Does he know how I not only betrayed him but broken a promise I gave his mom?

*** * Flashback * * ***

_They've brought Sarah Black home from the hospital, at her request, so she can be home when it's her time to go. I know it means she is dying. There is nothing to be done anymore for her, that's another thing my mom said. I tried to comfort Rebecca and Rachel but they have locked themselves up in their room, puffy eyed and crying. Mom is over there all day and sometimes at night too, helping in taking care of Sarah. Jake stays with us._

_He is angry all the time. Dad says it's because he doesn't understand what is happening and we have to be especially kind and understanding towards him. That is why nobody yells at him, not even when he pushed Seth so he scraped his knee and there was some blood. At nights Jacob is crying himself to sleep and having nightmares. I try to make him sleep holding him and trying to soothe him while mom is over at the Black's watching over Sarah and helping Billy. _

"_Leah?" Sarah's voice is weak, more a whisper than anything, and she looks frail and thin as I step in through the door together with Jake. I struggle to keep from crying and I'm scared. What if this will happen to my mom? Poor Rebecca and Rachel. Poor Jacob! He's still so little, only five._

_I remeber how Sarah always used to smile and laugh, dance and sing. She played with us making up funny games, making us laugh, and she never ever scolds us like my mom does when we get too wild. She just laughs when I and Jake jump on the sofa. I love her very much. But now it's scary to look at her. Her shiny thick black hair is gone, she is pale and looks like a child.  
_

_Jake takes his match box cars running them on the bed, trying his best to smile, because my mom has told him to be a brave boy and smile._

"_I want you to get up!" Jake tries to command his mom. "Get up mommy! I want you to play with me. "_

_Sarah smiles weakly. "Jakey, remember I told you mommy's very ill and needs to rest."_

"_NO! I don't want to hear it!" Jake yells throwing the car on the floor and runs out from the room_

_I'm about to run after him, because my mom has given me the task of looking after Jake, but Sarah calls me back._

_I go closer and sit beside her on the chair next to her bed._

"_Leah! I need you to promise me something." Her whisper is hoarse and interrupted by coughs. I nod my head._

"_Promise me you will look after my little Jake, please. Promise me that you will take care of him and to be there for him when he needs a friend. The twins got each other and they understand a little more, but Jake, he... I worry the most about him... And you have always held his heart. You are his sun."_

_This is an easy promise! Jake has always been my favorite, ever since he was born. Sometimes I wish he was my little brother too, just like Seth. _

"_Of course!" I cross my heart. "I'll always look after him and be there for him whenever he needs me!"_

"_Good!" she sighs and smiles a little looking relieved. "Could you go and find him for me and ask him to come in here?"_

"_Jake" I say as I find him hiding in the garage, under the car. I crawl to lay next to him. He is laying curled up like a little puppy dog. "Jakey" I whisper and pet his hair. I don't really know what to say, but he is so sad and I know his mom is sad and worried too. He turns around and hugs me hard. _

"_Lee! I want to fix mom. But there isn't any tools that can help. I looked at them all, but I don't know which one to use." he says looking defeated. _

"_I don't think there is a tool for that." I whisper._

"_There has to be!" Jake claims. "I have to fix mom"_

"_Do you remember the spirit warriors?" I ask. I feel Jake nod his head. "The spirit warriors were always very brave, even when they were scared they didn't run away and hide. Sometimes they had to face tasks that were too difficult for them to solve, but then they accepted fate and they always stayed and helped even if it hurt them and they were scared...Like when Taha Aki's mom got sick, he didn't go and hide, he sat by her side and held her hand the whole time."_

_Jake looks like he ponders what I say. "Taha Aki's mommy got sick?"_

_I nod my head._

"_What happened to her?"_

"_She went to heaven." I tell him._

"_Mom is going to heaven too." Jake says."I don't want her to go! Lee, make her stay!" _

"_I can't" I whisper and my heart hurts._

_He starts wailing. "Don't ever leave me Lee!"_

"_I won't Jake!" I promise. "I'll always look after you. You and me forever!" _

"_Will you come with me to see mom with me?" he whispers._

_Of course I will go with him! I will go with him anywhere he needs me to, just like I've promised his mom._

_As I open the door to the bedroom Jake rushes to his mom's side. He lays down next to her on the bed hugging her and crying. _

"_Mommy, I don't want you to leave me!" He cries._

"_I know honey, I know." _

_After comforting him his mom starts to whisper a story._

"_Have you heard the story of Wolfboy, Jake?" she asks. "Wolfboy was a very clever and brave little wolf, he was a spirit warrior. His mom had to leave him behind because she was called by Taha Aki to go to the spirit world."_

"_Why did Taha Aki want to take Wolfboy's mommy away?" Jake sobs._

"_Taha Aki needed her to help in the spirit world, so she couldn't stay any longer."_

"_But didn't Wolfboy get very sad and lonely?" Jake asks._

"_Sometimes he got very sad, and it is alright to feel sad. It always helps to cry, but he had good friends and he had his father and sisters, who comforted him. Most of the time he was very happy and went on many funny adventures. And his mommy was always with him, even though he couldn't see her, she was always watching what he was doing from the spirit world, just like I will always look after you, even if you don't see me."_

"_What was his friends names?"_

"_He had many friends, and his most special friend was the Wolfprincess." Sarah says looking me in the eye and winking._

_Jacob smiles his bright smile, the smile that always makes me feel happy, and looks pleased. _

"_I like the Wolfprincess. Will Wolfboy marry the Wolfprincess?" he asks._

"_Maybe." _

"_I think they will get married and then when they are old they can live in the spirit world together with Taha Aki and Wolfboy's mom and dad and sisters." Jake beams._

_Sarah sighs and smiles and kisses Jake's head. _

"_Yes, that might happen. We don't know yet Jake. The story hasn't been finished yet."_

"_But I know it will happen, because Wolfprincess has promised Wolfboy to never ever leave him!"_

*** * * End of flashback * * ***

I blink my eyes rapidly as the pain of this memory hits me. I hadn't been the true friend I promised, in fact I kind of gave up on Jake somewhere along the way, when I was wrapped up in dating Sam and later feeling and thinking of nothing but my own pain. I should have been there for him in another way when the Bella-thing went down, and even before that when the twins left, he must have been so lonely and missed them so much! I should have looked after him better. I suck as a friend. I have to change that now, it's never too late to correct your ways, to make amends.

I turn to glance at Jacob. He has a determined look on his face, like he has made some decision that will forever affect his future. A life changing decision. He looks so serious, way too serious for the Jacob Black I always have known. He catches my gaze and turns his head and gives me such a bright smile, only Jacob Black can manage. The kind of smile that he always wore as a kid, a smile that he doesn't sport as much these days as before. It's a smile I've missed more than I knew, a smile I have always loved, the smile that always makes me break out in one too. His gaze is piercing and intent, like he is gazing ino the soul of me, and for a second I fear he will steer off the road if he keeps on staring into my eyes like that.

I'm about to shriek something along the lines of 'eyes on the road', when we are jerked back into reality by Seth and Quil's excited chatter, "What should I say to the girls?" I hear Seth desperately wailing out to Quil.

I grunt. How can my brother think of asking Quil. Does Quil know anything?! The answer is NO! Everybody ought to realize that Quil is not the person to be asked for advice about anything, especially not about girls. I'm sure Quil imprinting on a toddler is Taha Aki's way of ensuring that womankind is spared any further suffering from hearing Quil's horrible pick up lines. Believe me, I've heard them all through high school, they were terrible then and probably even worse now.

"I know the perfect line, Seth! Wanna hear it?!"

_No! _Nobody wants to hear it, but of course my snorting won't stop Quil, if anything it only makes him speak louder. I try to erase the memories of embarrassing encounters in the school hallways with Quil in his freshman year, but no, it's impossible because the idiot is now trying to corrupt my brother with the very same lines!

"'If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?'" Quil squeals enthusiastically.

I don't know whether to laugh at this or smack his head to telling my brother such utter idiocy. Seth is mumbling to himself like he is actually trying to memorize the line. Dear god! My brother will never say things like that. I won't allow him!

"This one is really good Seth, 'Could you ask you breasts to stop staring at my eyes!'" Quil cackles before I have time to stop him.

I start banging my head on the dash board. I did not hear him say that!

"NO! NO! NOOO! Nobody wants to be told things like that! Never ever say anything like that Seth!" I turn to face Seth. "Promise me or I will castrate you myself! You can't use any of the lines Quil just told you if you don't want to get an black eye or a knee in your groin!"

Seth's eyes dart from me to Quil, clearly not knowing who to believe, but of course as his older sister I win.

"What should I say then?" He whines ruffling his hair.

"Why don't you just be your self?" I ask. "Just go with the flow Seth, you can't rehearse in advance!"

Quil is relentless. "Don't listen to her! I mean, Jake, your with me on this, my lines are awesome, they work every time. I've always been very popular with the ladies!" he brags grinning stupidly.

I snort. I can't remember hearing of Quil ever getting anywhere with his lines, except running and trying to dodge punches. I guess he has gotten a lot of practice of self defense too, blocking knees going for his groin.

One good thing comes out of it though and it is getting Jake to snap out of his strange mood.

"Leah's right Seth. You can't say things like that. It's much better if you just grab the girl you like and kiss her!" Jake says grinning widely winking his eye at me. To top it off he smirks smugly too. I don't knw why I'm blushing, probably because I'm surrounded by idiots.

"No Seth! You won't do that either!" I order him. My brother is not going to be turned into a monster by these morons.

"What would you say to a girl?" Seth asks Embry.

I perk my ears and turn to face Embry, curios on how he would approach a girl. Embry might in fact say something intelligent, something that my brother and the two other imbeciles could learn from.

It's dark outside and in the car, but it's obvious Embry's cheeks get heated.

"I...I'd tell her..." He sounds insecure, trailing off. His eyes meet mine and it's like they are begging me for something. He is probably trying to get me to help him off the hook from a situation he finds awkward. He never likes being the center of attention.

"You'd tell her what?" Seth prods on.

"I...I'd tell her she's beautiful and that I'm in love with her." he mumbles weakly looking at his hands in his lap.

That is sweet. I smile and nod my head approvingly. Embry would be a good role-model for Seth. I don't get why he idolizes Jake or Edward when Embry would be a much saner option.

"No, no, no!" Quil shakes his head. "You can't tell a girl your in love with her straight away, and don't compliment her either! That will only get to her head! That's why you never gotten laid Embry. You should have read my copy of The Game, like I told you, girls would be all over you if you followed the rules. You can borrow it from me, Seth! It's a great book! I swear it works every time, I swear. It's the best book I've read, I've read like a thousand of times. I know it by heart!" Quil enthusiastically shouts.

Oh no! Seth will never ever borrow that book, if I can help it!

"He will do no such thing!" I command. "Seth!"

"Okay Lee" Seth mutters in that way I know he will be running to Quil for more idiotic advice as soon as my eyes avert him.

* * *

The music blazes and is of course too loud for our werewolf senses but it's good and makes a smile break on my face. I want to dance! I haven't danced in ages, and I love to dance.

"We need drinks!" Jake orders as his eyes scan the club. We do?

I chuckle. Typical boys, they need to get drunk before dancing. But hey, I made that promise of being a better friend, so I agree.

Hanging out with the boys might actually be fun!

I can feel the beat and rhythm plant it self in my body making it pulse as we push our way through the crowd. Jake grabs me by the hand, paving the way as he leads us towards the bar.

One drink turns out to be several rounds of shots, but I guess with our metabolism we need a lot to feel anything. I make sure though that Seth gets nothing, downing his shots as well as he whines and pouts, but only a little because soon his eyes are transfixed on the girls on the dance floor.

"Let's dance!" I exclaim to no one in particular and to all of them.

Quil and my brother don't need telling twice, since the moment I utter the words they rush to the dance floor. Both have had their eyes glued to the girls dancing there ever since we entered, and yes I have seen how the girls – practically every single one of them - are or have been eying my boys and they look at me like I'm competition. I snicker at this. It makes me feel good actually that someone for once seems to envy what I have and not think I'm some kind of a slut, but a lucky bitch getting to hang out with such hot men.

"Let's go!" I call out grabbing Jake and Embry by the neck. I giggle as I drag the boys to the dance floor. I think I'm a little more buzzed than I thought, giggling like that, getting all touchy feely, practically hanging on them, but they don't seem to mind. They are probably drunk themselves, and don't notice much anyways. I'm about to become one with the music, when I feel Jake stopping me and leaning close...

My hearts speeds up rapidly, but that's the alcohol talking.

Jake starts ranting, "I will do it Leah!" He is smiling widely looking solemn at the same time.

Do what? What the hell is he talking about now? How much has he been drinking to be blurting out incoherent things.

His hand slides down my arm to my my wrist where the bracelet is, his fingers slowly gracing it, a small pleased smile on his lips.

"I knew you would ask me to do it Leah! I would've done it anyway, but you don't know how it makes me feel that you asked me to! I will make sure I succeed whatever it takes! I swear Leah on my life!" he yells over the blazing music.

What the hell is he talking about?

"And I think I know how to do it! I'll try for you Leah, and I won't ever, ever give up! No matter what the cost or how long it will take! I swear I'll do it! I can do it Leah! I know I can!"

Jake is all riled up and his words fiery. He is like a politician at a rally for something, going all passionate about his topic. I'm mesmerized by the intensity of his stare, the wildness in his eyes. If he would ask me to join his cause – whatever it is – I would do it. But what the hell is his cause?! What is it he is going to do?!

"I'm gonna fight it!"

Me too! But what?! What are we fighting?!

I don't know what it is about at all, but somehow Jake seems to think I know exactly what he is on about. I'm about to ask him, but just as I open my mouth I hear someone screeching.

"It's you! It's you! Oh my god! It's you!" And then someone is hugging me. "You saved me. I have wanted to thank you ever since. You are my hero!" The girl hugging me looks about to cry and I recognize her then. It's a girl I and Embry have saved from being mugged two weeks ago. _Oh no! _

"Yeah, it's okay, no need to thank me…" I mumble trying to get away from her.

"Kevin, Kevin, get over here! This is the girl I told you about! This is my hero!" She continues shouting, not letting go of me. Jake stares at me incredulously, I don't know what to say. "Oh there is him too!" She seems to have spotted Embry next to us and starts hugging him too, still holding onto one of my arms. I try desperately to get away but now there is quite a crowd gathered around us.

Jake hands grip my waist firmly not letting me get away, "What the hell is going on?" Why did she have to be here tonight?! Fuck! And Jake with his superhearing and sight doesn't miss a thing, no matter how drunk he might be. He is suspicious now. I'm fucked!

I shrug my shoulders, but there is no getting away from this. "We kind of helped her the other week…" I mumble feeling too buzzed to come up with anything smart.

"Helped her? We?"

"Yes! She is my hero, she and him!" The girl points at Embry after hearing Jake's words. "Me and my friend were being mugged and all of a sudden she was there and punched one of the guys in the face and him, he took out the other one, and then they walked us home."

The girl and her boyfriend hang on to us, sticking to us like glue. Guess it don't matter now since Jake already heard all about it. Will he suspect anything, this could be just a random happening, right?

The girl chatters on with Jake telling everything how we appeared out of nowhere and saved them. Jake listens politely, interfering with questions and then frowning casting a glance at me. "You should have told me!" He whispers angrily. "I need to know things like this!"

"Slipped my mind." I try, it's lame, a bad excuse, but I can't think of a better one. "I need go to the bathroom" I say making a swift escape. I have to clear my head so I will be able to lie better. I am an excellent liar under normal circumstances. Who wouldn't be with Sue as their mom, especially if you are prone to get into trouble like I've always been? You have to become a good liar, because my mother has eyes like a hawk, and she never did laugh things off like Jacob's dad, oh no, I got punished for acting up, for doing crazy stunts, for doing dangerous stuff. So I've learned to lie and you have to be a damn good liar to fly below my mother's radar, but being drunk makes my brain malfunction..

Jake gives me a commanding look before letting me go, "We'll talk about this. Pack meeting. Outside. Ten minutes."

* * *

On my way back from the ladies room a bad situation goes to worse. There is a brawl, and what is a girl to do, but to meddle and stop a fist connecting with someones face?

Before I know it a chair comes flying and I have to catch that, and then it seems more people get involved, and of course Jake comes charging through grabbing the beefiest of the guys, with Embry on his heels holding the opponent, followed by Seth and Quil. People seem to think they are security, even the security seems to think they are part of their team. It doesn't take more than a fraction of a second before the whole situation has calmed down and the fighters neutralized. Somehow this seems to start the kind of an adrenaline rush in Jake that makes him in a hell of a good mood, because he breaks out in a wide grin. The kind of grin he has when he gets an idiotic idea.

"That was fun!" he says as we start heading towards the exit. "Hell, that is much more fun than dancing!"

Is he going to suggest we will go to a 'fight club' instead of to a dance club' the next time? Wouldn't surprise me.

I march outside and decide to go first, before Jake starts with his questions, because he might just starts questioning Embry. I know Embry can hide his thoughts and keep his mouth shut, but he isn't one to be blatantly lying right in someones face. He won't do that, so it's better I am playing offense instead of risking Embry to spill.

"So the girl, yeah, we have extra sensitive senses, what you expect, me to pass by someone in need of help? I can't just walk past someone who is in trouble. That's not right! And with our enhanced senses of course we'll be able to detect trouble much easier, so that's sort of what happened you know." I state.

"Mhh." Jake huffs still smiling, not really listening. "You are right about that, but I don't like you getting in trouble and not telling me. Next time I want you to tell me right away."

"I'm careful, I wouldn't do anything reckless."

"I trust your judgment Leah, it's not that! You should have told me, because I JUST GOT THE GREATEST IDEA EVER!" Jake is looking elated, shouting. "Had you told me about that earlier, I might have gotten it sooner! Now we have wasted a lot of time."

I have always considered Embry's mind a mystery, but now I realize Jake's brain is a mystery too. What is he going on about now?

"We can start protecting people everywhere. We'll leave patrolling the Rez for Sam and his La push gang. We have to see the bigger picture, fate has bigger plans in store for us. We can be superheroes. For real!" Jake says with such enthusiasm getting both Quil and Seth cheering and hollering as they think of themselves as superheroes. Probably with capes and all.

I can't fucking believe it! Jake is stealing my thing!

* * *

**AN: Sorry, this update took forever, but what can I say, this time of year is always hectic... **


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:We can be heroes  
**

I'm fuming. This can't be happening. Here I am, finally doing my own thing – sure enough I've invited Embry to tag along - but it's_ mine_, the one thing that is mine, and now Jacob Black comes and claims it as _his_!

I know I'm acting like a kid who is throwing a temper tantrum over a toy in the sand box. I mean honestly, of course this protecting isn't mine as such, but I just like to think of it as _my_ cause, _my_ reason, something that makes _me_ special. God! I'm being immature and monopolizing, I do know, but realizing this does not stop me from angrily stomping to the other side of the street.

Jake of course comes after me, not getting anything, looking concerned and confused and a tad bit disappointed.

"Lee! Wait up! Just think about it. I'm sure you will like the idea once you think it through. Sure it's more then you signed up for when you joined my pack, but it'll be fun. It will give us purpose."

_Purpose!_ Now he is even stealing some of my own thoughts and words too. I shoot him my patented glare to shut him up, to leave me alone so I can clear my head, the glare that says: _Die Jacob! Die! _

Doesn't seem to work apparently.

"Think about it! Why are we werewolves if not to make something meaningful of it. This might be the first step. We protect the city, the state, hell we could probably take on the world if we wanted to!" And now Jacob has been struck by a bad case of megalomania, eyes shining like on a power-crazed dictator at the thought of taking on the entire world.

_Great._

And of course, as the good little boys the rest of the pack are, they have followed their fearless leader, even as he is off facing the hell-hound known as Leah Clearwater.

"Lee, it'll be fun. We can be heroes!" my naive little brother chirps, ever the enthusiast for anything his precious Jake will cook up.

"It'll be so cool!" Quil exclaims. "Think about how grateful all the hot women will be after we saved them." he says eyes glazing over.

And this will convince me how? Last I checked I was a heterosexual, but well it's Quil...

" Ateara, Quil Ateara." he tries to lower his voice, trying to make it... I don't know... sexy?...er...

I can't believe it! He is actually doing 007-imitations. What are we? Eight year olds? Not to mention it being a really really bad imitation. In fact the worst I've ever seen or heard.

Am I supposed to save the city together with these morons?

"Shut it Quil!" Jake sounds annoyed.

I plop down on the sidewalk pursing my lips together in a tight line, crossing my arms over my chest.

Embry looks at me cautiously. He doesn't seem too pleased about Jake's idea. This surprises me because I would've thought Embry would enjoy getting more quality time with his two best friends. Or is it my behavior that makes him abstain from showing his enthusiasm at Jake stealing my idea?

"We'll look after each other, don't worry Lee! I wouldn't let any of us get into danger we can't handle. I'll make sure Seth is safe." Jake continues now sitting on the curb next to me, softening his voice and doing that damned puppy eye look he master as no other.

"Don't you want to?" Disappointment is evident in Jake's voice. "Please, Leah."

That he has the word please in his vocabulary truly amazes me. I didn't think Jacob would be familiar with a word such as please. I sure as hell never heard him use that word before in my entire life. He really must want to do this!

"Come on Lee. Give I a try, I bet you'll like it!"

"IT'S NOT THAT YOU FUCKING MORON!" I shout.

"This is my idea! You are stealing my idea." I huff as I notice how I'm overdoing the anger part giving me unwelcome flashbacks of a time when I was the pack bitch, but I blame the alcohol.

Jake looks confused. "Oh, you mean you got the same idea as I? That's great Leah! Great mind thinks alike!" he says smiling so widely I think his face is about to crack.

"Don't worry I'll give half the credit of the idea to you." He smirks "No need to throw a fit."

No need to throw a fit? Let's see how he would react if someone stole his idea of a flying car or anything else equally stupid he would invent if he was prone on science. I bet this is how people feel when someone else steals the patent their going to register, or sees the noble prize go to an other scientist when you were the one who launched the original idea.

"Half of it! You, you... you " I can't think of anything to call him. Stupid uncooperative alcohol fused brain. "You mutt..." Oh that wasn't any good, stupid leeches influencing my insulting vocabulary, making Jacob smirk.

"I've already been doing it for three months! I've had Embry with me for three weeks! How can it be your idea? Your stealing it! You thief! Don't you have your own mission already, no need to take mine."

Jake's expression goes from confusion, to hurt, to fury, and back to confusion again at hearing my revelation.

"Embry? Three months, wait... Mission? I...I ... What?!"

I sigh, all the anger washing off of me, making me feel empty and exhausted. I could curl up here on the sidewalk and just fade out of the world.

"Lee... You been... The nights out, you were... Why didn't you tell me?" His voice is raw and the hurt evident. I feel bad now. "Either one of you?!" He barks this last bit glaring murderously at Embry.

I can't think of a single thing to say and I hear Embry swallowing hard. I guess he doesn't know what to say either, but for other reasons obviously. I'm the one who told him it had to be a secret, and as the good person Embry always proves to be, he doesn't want to lay the blame on me, although it was my decision, my wish to keep it as a secret. I have to let Embry off the hook, it's not right if Jake gets angry at him too for something I'm responsible for. I just... I need time to think, time Jake won't give me...

"I don't get you Leah! You do something this important, you have this great idea and you don't share it with me?! You don't want me along?! Is..is that why you.. Is that why... Embry! You asked Embry!" I can hear the anger building up in his voice, the anger that I know he uses to cover up the hurt, the way he always has done. Hurt I have caused.

"I...I thought we..we were friends!"

"We are..." My voice is a little unsteady. I guess I've fucked up again. Maybe he doesn't even want me to be his friend anymore... Maybe he thinks I've ruined my chances one time too many?

"Then explain it to me Leah, because I sure as hell don't understand why you would keep something like this from us, from your brother, from ME?!" he booms.

Why do I suddenly feel like crying? I guess I make one weepy drunk. Thank God I don't cry easily, in fact I haven't cried since the day my dad was buried, so despite the alcohol I'm able to constrain myself, pushing the tightening of my chest out of my mind. I'm not even really drunk anymore, just dead tired.

"I just.. I mean... " I start "You weren't around exactly, you had your own mission, you know, and I just... there was nothing for me... I always wanted to do something with my life, something important! And I had _nothing_! I wanted something for _me_..." I ramble not looking at him or any of them, because I don't want to see their reactions when they hear about how pathetic I have been feeling.

"I get that Leah! I want to do something important with my life too! Hell, I think we all do! I just don't get what mission it is that I'm supposed to have?!" Jake snarls eyes blazing.

I frown. Is this a rhetorical question?

"Er...Duh! Nessie?"

The reaction is not what I anticipated. He starts laughing. Laughing!

"Leah!" he snickers. "Nessie isn't my mission. How fucked up wouldn't that be if the mission in my life was a vampire-hybrid? If she was what was making my life worth living?"

As I turn to look at him in bewilderment, his eyes twinkle with mirth. I gawk. I can do nothing but stare at him with my mouth agape. How the hell can he say that Nessie isn't what makes him get up every morning? Isn't she his sun and he a planet rotating around her?

I have seen how imprinting works, I know for a fact that Kim for instance is the reason for Jared's existence, that all he thinks about is Kim this, Kim that. It's pretty much the same with all of them, Ah Emily, Oh Rachel, Claire-bear's so cute, Nessie is so smart. Now Jacob Black tries to claim that she isn't his reason for existence? That she isn't what makes his life worth living?

I guess he sees my doubting expression since he continues explaining, "I thought you would've given me some more credit than that! Didn't you believe what I told you before?! I meant every word of it! I'll do it Leah, I swear I can do it!" What is that he has supposedly told me? What is that he meant every word of, him being able to do it? What is_ it_? Am I missing something here? The fiery but cryptic speech inside the club flashes in my mind, but before I have time to ask him about it he keeps going.

"After all, am I not the almighty-alpha, the heir of Ephraim Black, coming from a straight line of chiefs traceable all the way back to the times of Taha Aki? You think someone with a background like that is destined for greater things than protecting some kid!" He flashes the widest of grins and starts teasingly bumping his shoulder into mine.

I can't help the smile that starts forming on my own face and I have to bump back a little, to show that I'm not to be pushed around, and also otherwise I would just topple over.

For some odd reason my heart flutters at the thought of him not thinking of Nessie as his cause in life. It reminds me off how things were those few rare weeks before Nessie was born, when it felt like he and I were so close, like I had a true friend, someone who saw my soul. In fact in those weeks I started to truly heal, and in some way it felt like when we were kids and things were just easy and natural – as natural as they can be when your a gigantic wolf protecting your supposed enemy.

"I wish you had asked me." Jake says softening his voice. "You know, Wolfboy and Wolfprincess together again..." His forehead is almost touching mine now, his eyes warm and intent boring deeply into mine. I feel a strange prickling, like getting tipsy again.

I snort and tear my gaze from his, trying to compose myself, but now I'm unable to hide the smile since his words brings back happy memories. I'm a sentimental sap apparently, getting lost in nostalgia, making feel mushy like this. How I sometimes wish we could've stayed kids forever!

Seth obviously sensing the danger of me going on a war path has passed starts bouncing eagerly again,"We can be like The Justice League!"

I can't help but roll my eyes at this, but I can't really say anything sarcastic or laugh at it. Wasn't I myself making comic book references when I first started out, and when I thought of Embry as my sidekick? I guess I'm no better than my kid brother.

I'm not quite sure he realizes what this really entails though, if we all start doing this. He might still think it's of it as some sort of a game, or would he?

I know that despite the naiveté he displays, he is very thoughtful and reflective on the inside. Just because he is upbeat and positive doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't know how dark life can be. He's been through a lot, and seen much more of the harshness of reality than I would like him to. I only wish he wouldn't have to face the evils of the world at all, _ever again._ I wish he always could stay this sweet and innocent, this pure for all eternity. Most of all I want him to be safe.

But does this mean that I have the right to decide for him what to do and not do? Can I forbid him of this if this is what he desires too?

My heart knows the answer to this, since I myself have longed for freedom to shape my own destiny ever since my life started sloping down hill. My brother must be allowed to have the same freedom that I so have longed for, to decide what he wants out of his life. I can't keep hogging an idea and a task like it's mine, when it really isn't.

"So what do you say Leah? Can we come along on this mission of yours, be your partners?" Jake asks nudging me.

This is what makes Jake such a great alpha! Had this been Sam and he got an idea like this - not that he ever would - he never would ask me or anyone else for that matter, nor would he ever use the word partner showing that he considers others as his equals. No, Sam would've just made the decision and expected his foot soldiers to follow and put all of their feelings aside. Sam's all for hierachy and authority, whereas Jake easily could be the posterboy for the motto of the Fench revolution: liberty, equality, fraternity.

Despite this I hesitate. I already know I'm going to say yes, but I need to make sure that I know why I am saying yes.

We are protectors, that is what we are. Sure, we are a lot of other things too, but one major defining feature about all five of us is that we have this ability to transform into wolves. And just like being good at sports, or maths, or languages, or whatever it would be a real waste if we did not do anything with this ability, if we did not put it to any use. What use should we put it to then if not to the use of humanity? We have the capacity to do a lot of good, we can save a lot of people from being hurt. We could be heroes, all of us. If we all do it, we would be much more effective, we could save a lot more people.

One person, or wolf, or whatever, can make a difference, two can make a huge difference, but imagine what the five of us could accomplish?!

Also sharing this with my pack... Won't it mean even more to share it, to do it together? Haven't I just been thinking about how I should become a better friend? Isn't this, doing something important_ together_, looking out for each other and letting others look out for me too what friendship really is?

I wanted and still want freedom in my life, so how could I even think about claiming that they can't have the same freedom because I greedily want to grab a hold of a thing and call it mine, just like a kid who wants to be special solely so others can envy her. Doing this together won't make me any less special, I know that, I guess I have just become so used to thinking of myself as nothing, and then when my late night excursions began I started to feel like my old self, which in turn made me become possessive about it, fearing someone will take it away from me. But doing this _together _doesn't really take it from me, does it now?

I let out a laugh , shaking my head, thinking about myself being childish and silly not wanting to share.

"We can even be your sidekicks if you want us to..." Jake offers. He really must want me to say yes.

I grin widely at the thought of having Jacob under my command. I'm sure I could lead, I could be a leader, and a pretty okay one too, I'm just not sure if he is one who can follow. It was such a struggle for him under Sam's command in the old pack. He always kept breaking the rules, disregarding commands and making a lot of decisions on his own without consulting Sam to Sam's great dismay. Jake was like that already as a kid. If he was told to go left he turned right, if someone said jump he didn't, if he was told to be quiet he talked, if he was told to talk he was quiet - or at least tried to be. I've always loved this rebellious side of Jacob, since it is a side that I recognize in myself as well, but Jacob has made rebelling into an art form. He didn't even fear my mother, who no other kid – or adult for that matter – never has dared to openly disobey.

"Okay, let's do it!" I tell him, looking at all of them.

My brother and Quil start hooting and cheering as Jake pulls me into one of his bone crushing bear hugs.

"This is gonna be great!" He says into my hair as he pins me even closer to him.

It _is_ going to be great! I don't even feel tired anymore, in fact I quite feel revitalized.

I only get slightly worried when I look at Embry. He is smiling and all, but his eyes seem sad, not much, but just the tiniest hint of disappointment in them.

Why is that? He wanted it to be just us two? Is that it?

It can't be, can it? Jacob and Quil are his best friends, surely he must want to share this with them?

"Let's get going we still have a few hours before sunrise!" Jake says as he pulls me up to my feet.

He wants us to start right away? Shouldn't we, I don't know, maybe plan first? Discuss things through?

"Lee, since you and Embry have done this before, you'll take the lead tonight!"

"What?!" Was he serious about being my sidekick? He couldn't be.

"Are you serious?" I have to ask. Even if it's only for this single night, the leadership isn't something Jake will hand over, especially for something like this, even if it is just for fun.

"Sure sure! You have more experience than us at this. You know where to go, what to do. And it's your idea! Just give us orders. We're at your command!" He says saluting me. "You're the Alpha tonight!" Then flashing that smile of his that could light up our entire reservation. I bet if there was a power outage, causing a blackout in the entire state of Washington, Jacob Blacks brilliant smile would be bright enough to lighten the entire state. It's a catching smile that causes everyone in the vicinity to smile along with it, so this is why I find myself grinning dumbly too.

The only thing his smile doesn't light up is my brain. So my first minute as the alpha of this particular Friday night I spend gaping, moving my mouth as a fish on dry land at a loss of not only words, but of any thoughts altogether.


	16. Chapter 15

**AN: This is Embry's point of view. I think we should know what goes on in his head.**

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**Chapter 15: Jealousy**

**EPOV**

"Take that! And that! And that!"

Next to me Quil is pretending to be Bruce Lee aiming punches and kicks at an invisible opponent. Adding screams to every strike, screams Quil probably would describe as manly and terrifying, but really, they sound more like meows a dying cat would let out.

Any other time Quil's antics wouldn't bother me at all, in fact I would think it was typical Quil, goofy and funny. But tonight it gets on my nerves. Couldn't he pay more attention to what is going on around him, like Jake's conversation with Leah?

Why can't Quil listen just this once, and then protest against or question Jacob's blatant disregard of his imprint?

Not that I believe it would change Jacob's beliefs or his mind, and _I do _hope what Jake is saying is true, that Renesmee isn't Jake's reason for living. I just... I just wish...

I know he is in love with Leah, that he has always been, just like me. I know this, I just thought.. I only... I wished the imprint would have stopped his pursuing Leah. Because why would Leah choose _me _over _Jacob_?

I know he feels Renesmee is a chain around his neck, a prison cell, and he intends to break free. And _I do_ hope he will succeed, not only for his own sake, but for all of us who believe in having a choice, but...but what if he can't? What...what if he _hurts _Leah?

What if he hurts her?

Oh God, what if _I_ imprint?! What if I imprint and can't break free from it?

I don't want to! Please God, please, make me never imprint.

I might not know what imprinting is, but I do know that it disgusts me. Sam claims it's a way to ensure that we pass on the wolf gene with the most suitable bearer. You know what that sounds like to me? Like selective breeding! Isn't that one of the cornerstones of race ideology? Some being classified as superior while others are termed as inferior, the superior ones allowed to create an offspring that will become the elite to rule the inferior ones, if the inferior ones even are let to have their own offspring, let alone live. I don't want to participate. It's sick if you ask me. I want to love whomever I wish without it being dictated by mine and my partner's potential of reproducing the future nobility of La Push.

Sure, there are other theories of imprinting besides Sam's. But they aren't any better or truer if you ask me. Emily and Kim keep going on about imprinting being the highest form of love. Love?! What I have seen in the heads of my pack mates is not love, it's obsession, it's addiction, it's unhealthy. I can't understand how that could be love. Never having an opinion of your own, turning yourself inside out to become what your imprint wants you to be, instead of loving and being loved for who they are. I've seen my former pack mates altering themselves to fulfill their imprints every command. I've seen them ditch their own opinions, tastes, morals, cut their loyalties to their families, to their friends all in order to please their imprints.

Jared for one is a good example of this. He's known Kim since kindergarten, but he hadn't been the slightest bit interested in her before the magic. Had I been in Kim's shoes I would've been humiliated that magic was the only way my crush would notice me... But not Kim, instead she seems to take pleasure in altering Jared to become her dream man in every aspect, because apparently Jared as he was, wasn't perfect enough for Kim. So Jared has stopped listening to his favorite music because Kim doesn't like it, he is never hanging out with his friends outside the pack anymore because she doesn't like them, and he rarely spends time with his family because Kim wants him to be with her _all _the time. How can she be his 'perfect match' when Jared is no longer able to be himself and make his own choices? I don't get it.

I'm not going to deny that I have toyed with the fantasy of me and Leah imprinting on each other, of magic giving her to me, but I have realized that I don't want her handed over to me like that. I wish for her to fall in love with me on her own without the force of magic. To truly love _me _for who _I am_. I want it to be real or not to be at all.

But what _if_ she will fall in love with me and I imprint? _No! No, no, no..._ I don't want to ever hurt her.

I want to be the one to takes away the hurt she has felt from her forever. I want to be the one for her so bad! To hold her, to touch her, to look into her eyes like... I want to look into her eyes like Jacob is right now.

"I wish you had asked me." I hear Jake saying his voice filled with emotion. "You know, Wolfboy and Wolfprincess together again."

Wolfboy and Wolfprincess... Why is it always like this? Jacob finding the right thing to say, making her eyes light up. Why is it Jacob is always reaching for what he wants, and I'm standing at the sidelines, watching?

He is leaning in towards her, almost touching, and I see the look in _his_ eyes, how they travel over her lips like he intends to kiss her. I want to... Taha Aki help me, but I want to push _him_ away, my _alpha_, my _friend_. I want to take Leah in my arms. I want to tell Jacob to back off, to claim her, to tell him that she is _mine_.

I know she isn't. She isn't anyones, she isn't a possession to be owned or controlled. I don't want her to be that either, I just want _him _to _back off_. I want it to be me sitting next to her bumping my shoulder to hers, making her smile like _that_.

"So what do you say Leah? Can we come along on this mission of yours, be your partners?" Jake asks. _She already has a partner!_ I want to interject.

After some pondering she agrees, and I know I should be happy that I no longer have to keep secrets from my friends, from my alpha, but I can't help the disappointment washing over me. I can't deny that I loved sharing a secret with Leah, loved spending so much time with her _alone, _loved being the one she trusted to open up parts of her heart to.

"You're the Alpha tonight." Jake says to her.

Hearing it feels like I can't get enough air.

I _want to_ give her everything. I _want to_ give her the world, but I can't give her something like that. All I've given her is a couple of meals and baked some stupid brownies. That's nothing compared to _this_.

Jacob first asking for her permission to join her crime fight and then treating her like a leader will mean the world to her. It's like the coach appointing you team captain. To be given the position even if it is for one night, makes all the difference, it's something completely different from Leah having to fight and grab leadership for herself and then to keep it hidden because she fears it would be taken from her. He is showing her in the most tangible way that he considers her his equal, that he, our alpha,thinks she is worth following.

I know that this is something Leah will love, and it's a gift I can never give her, because I don't hold the rank Jacob does.

She is only gaping, like she can't believe Jacob let's her take lead. She just stands there and blinks looking stunned, but pleased, glowing.

Leah is a born leader, same as Jacob. But with all that happened her last year, the difficulty she had to endure in Sam's pack where she was questioned and treated like an excess weight, she has lost a lot of her self confidence. I want her to feel confident, to trust herself. She is a great leader. I would follow her anywhere. I try to catch her eye and when I do I give her a smile I wish is encouraging. A smile I wish tells her: 'you are great at this!'.

After a minute or two she regains her ability to speak.

"Okay, let's do it! We'll leave anything that is traceable to us in the car. We can't risk loosing anything that can lead anyone to us. And we'll have to split up in two groups." Leah starts. "We'll be too noticeable if we wander around all five of us together. We won't hunt vampires tonight, since three of you are new to this, so before all of us are a bit more acquainted with the neighborhoods we won't phase and only focus on human crimes."

We walk to the car and leave anything that can be used to identify us there. Leah who has had a large bag with her, takes out a pair of sneakers, stepping out of her high-heals.

"I've always wondered why girls carry such large bags with them all the time!" Quil says looking like someone switched on a light bulb. "They have half their closet with them, so they can change for instance if someone is wearing the same outfit, right?!"

Leah rolls her eyes. "That's not why, but I haven't walked in heels for over a year and your feet hurt like a bitch after dancing in them so I brought these just in case. I wish I had brought some other clothes too. This dress isn't exactly made for running and fighting."

"But you look hot in it!" Jake grins letting his gaze linger on her soft curves. "You know, Wonder woman and Catwoman run around in stilettos all the time, doing karate kicks and climbing on roofs and whatever. That's sexy as hell! I think Wolfprincess should do that too!"

"Maybe _you should _run around in heels if you think it's hot!" Leah hisses, but I can tell that she isn't angry for real from Jake's banter, rather she seems to enjoy it.

"I'm serious, think about it, like smashing your stilettos through a vampires chest. That would be awesome! You could have a nice little leather outfit too, like a corset and..!" Jake laughs before ducking out of reach for Leah's hand that is reaching to hit him over the head.

"I'm just suggesting... I know it's intimidating to try to look as good as me Lee, but with the right outfit outfit you could match my awesomeness. I bet _I_ would look real hot in leather pants, don't you think Lee?" Jake continues grinning as he is stepping a little closer to Leah again with a dance in his steps, like a boxer in a boxing ring.

"Ha! I know where I'm gonna send you. I've seen this strip joint two blocks away from here where there is a ladies night every Friday. You can go and flaunt you body there Jake. I bet you could make yourself a nice addition to the allowance you get since you are so _hot._ I'm gonna charge a percentage though as your agent!" Leah laughs making Jacob playfully growl as he tries to grab her by the waist. Expertly Leah ducks and jumps behind Seth, who now is almost being tossed between Leah and Jake in their cat and mouse game. Jealousy surges through me as I watch Leah dance under Jake's arms, teasingly, narrowly escaping his grasp. I fight the urge to leap forward and catch her in _my_ arms. To keep her away from Jake.

I wish I knew how to flirt like Jake, being playful, physical and at ease like him. Even Quil is better at flirting than me. Sure he says stupid things, but at least he dares to say something and... touch, and he gets a response too. Maybe not the one he is looking for, but still a response.

The only response to my flirting would be awkward silences. With Leah I blush and stutter like a fool when I try to compliment her. Even when I talk to her about regular stuff I have a hard time trying not to stumble over my words or have my face flush.

"I would make a lot of money if I became a stripper and a lot of hot girls would be all over me. " Quil loudly exclaims interrupting the beginning of what looks like a sparring match between Leah and Jake, where Leah throws punches that Jake blocks, and Jake tries to catch Leah in his grip.

The information of Quil considering a stripping career baffles all of us. It's strange, even for Quil.

"You want to be a stripper?!" Seth asks mouth ajar, sounding horrified.

"Sure! I've got a hot body and I think it's a crime not to share it!"

Quil's response earns the famous Leah eye roll and I can't help but grin. God, I love the expressiveness of her eyes.

Quil who now has all attention on him clearly wants to make the most of it, "I think Jake's right. We should get cool outfits for all of us! Like I could have this cool suit on and girls would think I'm like a mobster, and then I would take my suite jacket off and wrap over the hot girls shoulders because she will be cold after I saved her from drowning and she will be only in a sexy bikini."

What girl? Where would he be walking in a suit when others are in bikinis? And why is it a hot girl in a bikini we are going to save?

Quil's fantasies never change, that's certain. They have always involved him being a cool hero and a sexy lightly clothed girl being all over him, or more often, several hot girls drooling and lusting after him. It's an okay fantasy I guess, and it sort of proves that imprinting doesn't make a person immune to the thought of other girls if you don't let it. But this I knew already since Sam, that bastard, thinks of Leah far too often for my liking.

But I get Quil's fantasy. Being a hero is appealing. Like if Leah was a human girl and she for instance got lost in the woods and she had sprained her ankle I would find her and comfort her and carry her home and she would kiss me and fall in love with me and...

Or if I was hurt in a battle against the Volturi, like Faramir in the Lord of the Rings, and Leah would save me from being burned alive by my crazy father. As I would lay there wounded and she thinks I'm dieing of fever she will start professing her love for me and kiss me and I will wake up and we'll live happily together... My mom would of course have a nice little house of her own close by... And I guess Seth and Leah's mom too so Leah won't miss them...

"...Embry...Embry, earth to Embry." Seth waves his hand in my face.

"Man, you must still be drunk or what?" Quil asks.

I shake my head, pushing my daydreams aside.

"So, as I said before, we'll divide into two units. Since Embry knows the neighborhood better than the rest of you, he'll be in charge of the other team." Leah tells us and smiles at me. Her smile always has the same effect on me, making my heart swell and warmth spread inside of me, even if I don't like the idea of being separated from Leah. But of course this is a logical and smart decisions, like all the decisions Leah makes.

"I'll take Seth with me." She says. Figures.

So that leaves me, Quil and Jake. The famous trio, but now it feels uncomfortable, mainly because I know Jacob is pissed that I have been doing this with Leah for three weeks behind his back even though he hasn't made a scene about it. _Yet._ I know he doesn't like that Leah has asked _me_ and not _him_. Jacob doesn't look thrilled about us being teamed up either. In fact I think he looks like he might just take back his words of letting Leah run the show.

Leah must sense both mine and Jake's discomfort or maybe she thinks of Seth being too young and inexperienced to be her only back-up, because she calls Jacob to her.

"Jake, sorry to split you three musketeers up, but I think you should come with me and Seth."

"Can't get enough of me Lee! Just confess already! We all know it!"

"Shut up!" Leah grumbles, but I hear the laugh in her voice. "I'm only asking you so I can show the strip-joint where you will work in the future..." she smirks punching his arm.

"You want me to strip Lee? Just say the word Lee, just say the word... " Jake says making a motion of starting to taking his t-shirt off.

_Stop it!_ I seriously consider joining Seth in making gagging sounds and looking thoroughly disgusted.

"Stop talking about stripping Leah!" Seth whines.

Typical Seth to lament Leah, when it is _Jacob_ who should have... have his smug head ripped off. But I guess Seth don't dare to tell his idol off, and he probably can't see anything wrong with Jacob Black's behavior. Ever! Noooo, Jacob Black can never do anything wrong, it must be all his sisters doing.

Leah laughs and throws her arm around Seth's shoulders, "Don't worry Sethy. I won't make you work in a strip joint. You can be an agent with me, we just take percentage of Jake, Quil and Embry's earnings and make us a nice living on a nice Caribbean island, whereas the boys here has to work hard and have fat old middle-aged cougars drooling all over them, maybe groping too."

"Ew. Lee, disgusting! And they don't want to be strippers! Stop talking about stripping!" Seth complains and he is actually stomping his foot like a kid to emphasize his point.

"She can't help it Seth with so much awesomeness in front of her!" Jake has a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. I feel like rolling _my_ eyes now.

"Whatever!" Leah huffs sounding annoyed but I see how laughter is dancing in her eyes. I love to watch her shimmering like this, enjoying herself, but _I _want to be _the one_ who makes her sparkle.

"Let's get to business, if you can tear your eyes from your own body Jake. We don't have all night. We'll start at this area here, there are a lot of clubs and bars around here and just a couple of blocks ahead the area turns shady. There's always a lot of things going on there so we will probably run into something." She states going into business mode.

"Embry and Quil, you start scanning the south side of this area. You know the route we took two weeks ago, Embry? You take that one. Me, Seth and Jake take the north side and both our groups head towards the park, where we'll regroup. The parks a place people should avoid at nightfall, but when people are drunk they make a lot of reckless things, like taking stupid shortcuts. We'll focus on things that pose an immediate danger for the victim, like robbing, assault, rape and such, okay?" We all nod our heads.

Then she turns to me, "If you and Quil come across something where you need to take action you call me immediately if you need back-up, otherwise you call me after you resolved the situation for an update. Everything clear?"

"Sure, sure. Let's get this show on the road!" Jake says and then we split up.

Immediately I miss the company of Leah. Quil is a lot of fun and he becomes serious, or as serious as he can be, when we start working, but it's not the same without my angel. I miss her.

I wonder what she is thinking? What she is feeling?

What is she and Jake talking about?

Does she like the crime hunt better with him? Is she happier than with me?

Is she in love with him? Will she fall in love with him?

Will she fall in love with him _tonight_?

"What's eating you Embry?" Quil asks.

I only shrug my shoulders as I strain my senses to pick up something, anything, as I try to hear, to feel Leah's steps, her voice, her heartbeat, but to my disappointment she is much too far away for me to hear her, to smell her, to sense her.

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Nothing much passes that night, nothing worth remembering, since Leah is not by my side.

In the car it's clear the entire pack feels this has been a success, that this is something we shall continue doing, but the closer we get home the more miserable I feel. Tonight or rather this morning is not going to end like mine and Leah's other nights of crime fighting. There won''t be a heart to heart between me and Leah this time.

_Will she miss that as much as me?_

"Are you alright Embry?" Leah whispers to me as she steps out of the car.

I want to say: '_I miss you, I want it to be like it was before, just the two of us'_, - God, that's so selfish - but instead I nod my head and manage a small smile, "Goodnight Leah." I whisper.

Then only Jake and I remain, since he dropped Quil off first. I brace myself. I know he wants to talk to me, because otherwise he wouldn't have dropped us off in this order.

"Embry. We need to talk." He says.

Maybe we do, but that doesn't mean that I'm looking forward to it. That doesn't man that I'm going to like what he is going to say.

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**AN: Happy new year to all of you if I don't update before then. Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews. Reading them make my day!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly I didn't find a wolf under my Christmas tree, must be because I don't own them or any other character.**


	17. Chapter 16

**AN: So this is Jacob's point of view. **

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**Chapter 16: Talking**

**JPOV:**

On the way home I feel content, happy. This is how it should be, me and, and my girl – well she might not be my girl yet, but that's a technicality - and our friends together, heading home after a good days, or rather nights, work.

Tonight had proven to be an even greater success than I had envisioned. Of course tasting Leah's lips would make the night perfect, but just by wearing the bracelet Leah has made it fantastic. The bracelet is special to both of us, and I know Leah never does anything without a good reason. The bracelet I made her years ago is a message to me.

Girls for some unknown reason speak through signs instead of saying things straight to your face. Living with two older sisters I've learned a lot about girls mysterious ways of communicating, all meaning that if you don't notice and interpret their hidden messages they'll make sure you suffer. Leah used to be much more straightforward than my twisted sisters and other girls, but I guess when it comes to matters of the heart girls are all similar. Why won't they just walk up to the guy and kiss him or at least just tell: 'Hey, I like you!', instead of playing games fluttering their eyelashes, giggling, blushing and stuff like that? But I do get that Leah is shielding her heart since it has been blasted to pieces by that undeserving lying son of a bitch Uley.

I sure do get the message she is sending me!

The bracelet must be as magic to her as to me I'm sure, because otherwise she would never saved it for all these years. I vowed to always love her when I gave her the bracelet and I'm sure she promised something similar. Wearing it is her way to remind me of our past, of our history together and I know it's a way for her to try to motivate me to break the imprint. I mean why else wear it? I know she is too proud to just ask me to break the curse, besides I'm sure she wants me to be a man about it and make the right choice without her having to ask me, and she sure as hell won't beg, because let's face it, a girl like Leah should never have to beg for anything from anyone.

It feels fantastic seeing her wear it. There aren't any words to describe how good it feels. I want to keep looking at her all night and tell her everything in my heart, but first I need to rid myself of the imprint.

At the club I saw the looks other men kept on giving Leah, but I didn't care because she wore my bracelet, in my book that's as good as telling everyone that she had chosen me. Of course I still made sure they all stayed away from her showing that Leah was mine, I mean with me...us. Whatever.

It was fun watching her giggle and smile and dance, and I'm not gonna deny that I kept on trying pulling her closer to me. The alcohol had made outgoing and sociable Leah from the past emerge, which meant that she made all of us in the pack dance together, rather than let me keep my hands on her hips and flush her against my body like I wanted to.

Everything was so great and she was so _alive_, I had to tell her about me going to fight the imprint.

"_I will do it Leah!" _

_I slide my hand down the smooth caramel skin of her arm to her delicate wrist where the bracelet is. Does she remember how we sealed switching of the bracelets with a kiss almost ten years ago? Would she like me to kiss her now? _

"_I knew you would ask me to do it Leah! I would've done it anyway, but you don't know how it makes me feel that you asked me to! I will make sure I succeed whatever it takes! I swear Leah on my life!" I yell over the music leaning closer to her. She smells so good, I can almost taste her on the tip of my tongue, making me feel delirious having her so close. Her scent reminds me of home and of...of..love._

"_And I think I know how to do it! I'll try for you Leah, and I won't ever, ever give up! No matter what the cost or how long it will take! I swear I'll do it! I can do it Leah! I know I can! I'm gonna fight it!"_

_To this Leah nods her head enthusiastically, eyes shining with joy. She has been waiting for me to say it! She believes in me! I knew she would want to help me! She loves me too! She wants me! I'm about to grab her by the waist and swing her around when some weird girls starts squealing and shouting._

It turns out she has saved the clingy girl from being mugged _together_ _with Embry_. Why didn't Leah tell me about it? She should have told me! That bothered me almost as much as the thought of her saving the girl with Embry. Not that it wasn't a great thing to do, because it was. I've always known she is courageous and righteous, able to accomplish awesome things. That's why she is perfect for me! But I wanted to hear a proper explanation from Leah and especially Embry why they hadn't told me about rescuing the girl from being mugged.

Loud angry voices distinguishable through the loud music, from somewhere in the back of the club, captured my attention making me stalk closer to wait for Leah who had gone to the bathroom. And then I saw her throwing herself in the middle of a impending fight, blocking a fist flying towards a mans face.

It's unbelievably hot to watch Leah in action, she's better than any comic book hero: Elektra, Spiderwoman, Marvelgirl, Lara Croft have nothing on my Wolfprincess. For a split second I watched her before I charged through with the rest of the pack on my heels. It took us probably less than a minute to take control of the situation, but the adrenaline rush was exhilarating. Is it like this it feels to be high? Doing this with Leah by my side, being my partner in breaking up this fight was much more thrilling than being on the dance floor. And then I got the best idea ever!

This would be a fantastic thing for us to do together and I am sure Leah would love it. Turns out she had the same idea. I love how alike we think, I just don't get why she got angry about it, until she started ranting about doing this for weeks, months already, and with Embry of all people.

Why? I thought the bracelet, wanting to help me break the imprint, believing in me would mean that... Why hadn't she told _me_?

But then I think I sort of understood. I don't always completely get how she thinks, but that's girls for you, their minds just are wired differently. I tried to calm down although I felt like pushing Embry up against the wall and demand to know why the fuck he had lied to me. He hadn't been dancing and clubbing with Leah, he had been doing _this_. With my Beta, my Wolfprincess, my girl. Then I remembered how I've been mulling over the past almost every night now for weeks and come to the conclusion that _perhaps_ I've approached Leah in the wrong way before. Anger and jealousy obviously has lead me nowhere, and that's why I have decided to change my strategy. Like spending a lot of time with her doing stuff she likes, like this clubbing thing, so she knows she should ask me to go out with her instead of Embry.

So that's why I did my best to repel my hurt and jealousy, to talk with her instead, to sort things out, to show that I want to listen to her. I realized she somehow still doubts my ability to break the imprint, thinking Nessie is my reason for living. And I get that she has felt hurt and lonely when I've been under this curse, but I've been lonely too. Doesn't she know that?

And I also can understand that she has lost so much, been robbed of so much and now she had this great thing going for her that she fears we'll take away from her, that_ I'll _take it from her. But I would never take anything from her, I want to give to her! I want her to have everything she dreams of, I want her to dream big and I'm here to help her reach the stars. She doesn't have to fight me or hide things from me, she can trust me. to appoint her as the alpha tonight is a way to show her exactly how much she is worth to me, to all of us. Just because Sam and his pack think that girls should be at home and bake, doesn't mean that the rest of us don't recognize leader material when we see it.

I loved watching her take the lead, although she looked stunned and hesitated at first, therefore I did my best to rid her off any self doubt she might have been feeling by riling her up with my teasing. When she's riled up she becomes passionate and forgets to second guess herself and others around her, letting her instincts rule her. I love that! God, she is hot when her face flushes and she tries to hit me!

I wonder if she truly knows how beautiful she is?! If we were alone right now in this car and the imprint was broken I would make sure she knows exactly how incredibly breathtaking she is. I glance at her as I take the turn to to the road that leads back to La Push. She has her eyes closed and a small smile plays on her lips. She looks so relaxed and peaceful, but her strength still shines through. Is she thinking back on tonight, the same as I? She still glows, just as when she led us through the streets of Seattle.

I would go with her wherever she asked me to, walking by her side. All the calls she made this night showed just how secure and great she is at doing this, that she is destined for greatness. We stopped a couple of fights, one beating, but other than that the night was quiet. She told about other nights and the things she had encountered. Listening to her I know that this should be what we do as a pack, not sitting around La Push waiting for the vampires or crime to come to us, but us working to prevent and stop them no matter what location. And that's why I launched the idea of us starting doing this in an organized manner.

"_Lee, you know I think we should start doing this regularly. You up for it?" I ask as we neared the park where we were to meet up with Quil and Embry. _

"_Really Jake? What about patrolling at the Cullen's?"_

_I shrug my shoulders and smile, "They don't really need us patrolling there anymore. They were just fine before Sam's murder rampage, and since he has come to his senses there really isn't any need for us to patrol their land."_

_Seth frowns hearing this, "We won't patrol there anymore? Does it mean we can't hang out with them anymore?" _

_I have to laugh seeing his expression,"You can hang out with them as much as you want to, we just change our work site." I reassure him._

"_Are you sure?" Leah asks me and I know by the way she asks that she thinks about Nessie._

"_I'm sure Leah!" I grab hold of her wrist, letting my fingers run over the bracelet, making sure she knows that I believe in everything the bracelet stands for. "This is exactly right for us, this is exactly what we are supposed to do, what we are made for!"_

"_Hey! Maybe we can ask the Cullen's to join us too?!" Seth exclaims with enthusiasm._

_I can tell that's an idea Leah doesn't like one bit by the way she tenses. I'm not for it either. Sure Bella is my friend, I like Emmet and Esme, and the rest of them are alright, even Edward. It's just that I want to carve my own path in life, and I'm sure that my path shouldn't be a path where I walk together with the Cullen's. Our roads might cross every now and then, I don't mind that, but I rather pave my own road even if it's in a jungle, than follow a highway lit by sparkling vampires._

"_No Seth. Not for this. It's our mission, a wolfpack thing."_

_Leah smiles hearing me say that, whereas her brother pouts. Being Seth, the gloomy mood is gone just as soon as it came, replaced by enthusiasm once again. Even if my decision would've left Seth sulking I could've cared less, since not only is this the right choice for me and my pack, it's also a decision that Leah likes and making Leah happy is one of my top priorities in life._

"_Lee, I'm gonna go to the Cullens' tomorrow and let them know that we'll stop patrolling their territory, and I'd like you to come with me. Then I think it would be good if we started planning these protection missions and I think you should be in charge of the planning."_

_I smile widely as I watch her scrutinize my face for signs that I didn't mean the last part, but of course I mean it. _

"_You want me to plan our new missions?"_

_I grin, "Sure sure. You know what you're doing and it was your idea."_

_The way she beams makes me burst out laughing. It's so easy to make her happy! Other girls want jewelery and designer purses, dinners at fancy restaurants, and whatnots whereas my girl is happy when she gets assigned work tasks._

"_Really Jake?!" She sounds like a kid who has been told that Christmas comes twice in a year. I hug her tightly to me._

"_Yeah really Lee!"_

I smile widely as the memory warms my heart. Letting Leah lead these expeditions is a perfect way to make her realize how much I value her. And expanding our protection of mankind beyond that of our tribe is exactly what we should be devoting our lives to, it's a great plan for the future.

Quil and Seth won't need any convincing, and Embry... I cast a wary look on Embry. His face tells me that maybe there is a glitch in my plan. He is one of my oldest and best friends. I need to sort things out with him.

That's why I take an other route than usual, dropping Quil off first and then my beta and her brother. I would've liked very much to get out of the car and walk Leah to the door, and to be honest, follow her inside too, but talking with Embry is a much more pressing concern than being chivalrous.

Leah has told me a couple of times that I'm a much better alpha than Sam - which isn't that hard to be - but I still want to live up to the praise and be the best leader I possibly can be. A good leader doesn't just forget everything important for the sake of a girl, even if the girl is the love of his life. A true alpha looks out for every member of his pack. Talking with Embry and sorting things out is the right thing to do as an alpha, as a friend and as a man.

"We need to talk!" I tell him as I pull out of the Clearwater's driveway. He doesn't look surprised, I guess he expected it.

He nods and swallows hard, looking like he braces himself.

"Embry" I start as I park outside his house. " We've been friends forever and I've always thought of you as a brother, you and Quil."

He doesn't say anything, but his face is sad, like the face of a girl who is being ditched. That's not what I'm doing here. I'm trying to strengthen and rebuild our friendship, to put all the cards on the table, so we can stay friends even if the possibility of me being the reason for his heart breaking comes true...or, or vice versa I guess.

"You know I have this idea. Remember before all this shit happened when we talked about setting up a garage together?"

Another silent nod, but now he furrows his brows like he isn't sure where I'm going with this.

"I still think it would be great if we could go to business together, but I just have this different idea now and I want to hear what you think about it, before I talk about it with the others."

"Okay..." he says apprehensively.

"You know I think what Leah and you have been doing is great. So I've been thinking that when we finish school we should start doing it professionally, have like, I dunno, like a detective agency or something like that, and with all five of us and maybe some of the pups joining too we could take on both regular cases, you know cases that pay the bills, and then focus on our own vampire hunts and other crime hunts the rest of the time. And if we want to we could combine it with a car repairs and such or studying or whatever else we'd like to do."

"I wish you and Quil want to do this together with me, and with Leah and Seth. You know, be partners. What do you think?"

Silence.

"I guess I'd like that, I haven't really thought... I mean I've been thinking about the future...like, like college, and, and I like the crime-fighting. But it's not like I've made any plans..." he shrugs.

"College is good. You don't have to decide anything, it's an open offer, you know."

He nods and gives me a hesitant smile. "I would like it to be like in the old times Jake. You're the best friend I ever had and I don't want to lose that."

This brings me to the other reason why we are sitting here at dawn.

"Me neither. But we're both in love with the same girl." I state and his posture goes rigid. "When I've broken the imprint I'm going to ask her out."

His face has gone several shades paler, before heat flushes up his cheeks and flecks his neck. He's upset.

"I wanted to tell you in advance and not go behind your back. I want to make sure we'll still be friends even when, if, Leah is my girlfriend!"

Silence fills the car, but it's not a comfortable silence, more like the wait before a thunderstorm breaks out.

"Will _you _be alright if _I_ ask Leash out and _I'm_ the one who Leah chooses?" Embry challenges harshly, his eyes boring into mine with such a dark look I've never seen Embry manage before.

I struggle to fight back the instinctual growl, the one the wolf in me wants to roar out to make sure Embry knows to stay clear from _my girl_, to make him know his place. But I can control the wolf in me. I want to talk with Embry as a friend, not make him submit to my ability to dominate him. The tension in the car heavy, explosive. I keep clenching and unclenching my fists to keep my self from igniting.

"I guess that's a fair question Embry." I say after a couple of harsh breaths.

A small lope-sided smile forms on his face, like he is pleased with himself for standing up to me. I can't help but let out a chuckle seeing that. "I guess I would have to learn to live with that, but that doesn't mean I'll like it." I conclude.

"Yeah, that's how I feel too." he sighs.

I sigh too. Damn! It sucks to be in love with the same girl as your best friend. Had he just had a crush on her it would've been a different situation, but his feelings are deep, profound, just like mine, and if I wasn't in love with her myself, I would think Embry would be a terrific guy for her. A little timid perhaps, but a good guy.

"This kind of sucks. You know, if we weren't after the same girl I would tell you to ask her out and to tell her how you feel." I say to Embry, almost smiling fully.

The worry in his eyes has eased a little, as well as the tension. I guess we will be alright, despite the future outcome.

"Yeah I know I should..." he mumbles. "I just... I..." he trails off looking out through the window.

"You're playing the friendship angle, right?" I smirk. He blushes and I know I hit the mark. Besides, he's so shy he'll need a lot of time to build up his courage to try anything. Lucky for me. "Dude, I tried that friendship approach with Bella, didn't exactly work as you know. But that's as much advice I'll give you, because once I've broken off the imprint and am free, I'll pursue Leah and I have every intention of making her my girl. I'm pretty persistent you know." I say smirking, meaning every single word I say.

He frowns. It makes me smile wider.

"How you plan on breaking it?"

"I have this idea I've talked to dad about, but I think I'm gonna be pretty out of it for a while, so I hope all of you will help me. I'm gonna go to the Cullen's to tell them about my intention to break the imprint and that we won't be patrolling their lands like before. They really don't need us to do that anyway, and that will give us the chance to concentrate on the crime-fight. We'll have a meeting tomorrow after I've seen the Cullen's"

We sit in silence for a little while more.

"We alright?" I finally ask.

"Yeah, we're alright." Embry starts opening the passenger door. "But just so you know Jake, you might want me to back off but that doesn't mean that I will." he says as he holds my gaze steadily.

"Sure, sure" I grin as he steps out. I might not like what he says, but I smile anyway. I've always been up for a challenge! Leah's wearing my bracelet after all, and tomorrow I'll tell Bella and Nessie that I'm gonna fight the imprint. It might not be a walk in the park to do it, but even if it kills me I'm gonna break the chain that enslaves me, so I can give all of me to Leah, ilike she deserves.

When I'm free I won't let anything stop me from telling and showing Leah how I feel about her and to make her see that we belong together, that we always have belonged together. That she is my Wolfprincess and that together we'll be the most awesome superhero couple ever!

She is my past, and my present and I will make damn sure that she'll be my future too.

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**AN: Sorry, it's been a while. I do know where I want to head with this fic, I just don't really know how to get there and then there is work and life and well, you get the picture...**

**We'll return to Leah's pov next. **

**Thank you to all of you who review and all of you who are reading this fic.  
**


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